Polly Mertens: 0:25

Hey Superstars, welcome back Pauly here.

Samantha Pruitt: 0:27

And Samantha Pruitt. What’s up, pauly? Hey girl. What are we talking about today? Oh my goodness. We are talking about something that we basically spend our entire lives doing.

Polly Mertens: 0:38

Yeah, pretty much all of it. What, yes, overcoming resistance we’re resistance to change.

Samantha Pruitt: 0:43

Specifically, right, you know one of the things.

Polly Mertens: 0:45

As we’re recording this, we’re you know we’re in the middle of a 30-day challenge. We are. Whenever you’re listening to this, just know that that’s something we do and we invite you into those. If you’re not in the one that is at this recording, there will be others, but They’ll drop into your inbox frequently. Yes, but there’s resistance. There is you know, and it’s a big topic, and I think it’s really important. One of the things that we recognize is you know our own selves, right.

Polly Mertens: 1:11

Like we’ve gone into challenges ourselves. I mean you up to 100 mile races, 200 mile races, things like that.

Samantha Pruitt: 1:17

Yeah, there’s resistance mentally and you’re in the 75. Hard Ooh mama.

Polly Mertens: 1:21

Oh yeah, that was. Yeah, that takes some change, some discipline, right, but I think we’ve learned over the years as coaches and working on ourselves as humans you know how to help people through this tunnel, this navigating things that are hard. You are somewhere, you’re not liking it, your body physically, your job, your relationship, finance is whatever it is and you want something different.

Samantha Pruitt: 1:46

Yeah.

Polly Mertens: 1:47

There’s some sort of level of pain, and so what we wanted to help people with in this conversation is a little bit of the easy wins right. Like the little C’s, yeah, so what are some of the little changes that people are working on in your challenge or that you want to share? And then we’ll talk about the big C.

Samantha Pruitt: 2:04

Yeah. So change with a little C is the things that most people focus on at the end of a new year or at a birthday or at some sort of significant life, annual or otherwise moment where they’re like I really want to do this differently because I have a goal towards whatever and, like you said, it could be physical, it could be career, relationship, money, all the things. So people get motivated for a hot second to do the small C’s on a regular basis In the moment, yeah, in the moment, right, right. So we’re definitely going to commit to going to the gym, eating healthier, getting more sleep. Fill in the blank for the small C. That’s great, and we’re not saying that people should not be doing that. But at the second half of this pod we’ll get into the capital C. All caps triple underline change For me.

Samantha Pruitt: 2:58

I do see a lot of people around looking for change in their physical body, since it’s one of the domains for me is fitness and health. So we work on habits, we work on routines. There is a pretty simple process there is. First we just examine what’s working, what’s not working. I’d call it taking inventory. We modify those things based on actual science and what the person’s goals are, and then we consistently practice those changes over time until we start stacking wins and then we see change manifest towards their goals. That’s what I see a lot of and that’s what I play in for you.

Polly Mertens: 3:37

Well, what I wanted to point out what you’re saying too is a lot of that’s very outwardly focused, but things that you can see, the results, the food they’re putting in their mouth or on their plate, the times they spend in the gym or on their bike or walking or whatever. It is the outer little things that they’re trying to do and they will feel better.

Samantha Pruitt: 4:01

So that is an inner experience.

Polly Mertens: 4:03

And I’d say a lot of what I, the realm that I work with people or I’ve helped people, and is the little bit more of the inner. You know it does have symptoms or results in the outer world, but it’s things like, you know, self-talk or inner dialogue or getting themselves to be motivated, you know, or stop doing things right. So breaking habits that are not serving them, self-care habits, you know, taking care of themselves. The underlying beliefs. So some of the easy ones I would say there are the easy things that I wanted to share. Just remind people that and in this totally parlays into what you’re talking about in the realm of the physical is create structure, create reminders, make it obvious. You know you’re dealing with patterns, we’re human, animals, right. You kind of interrupt the patterns, right. So remember, create those structures.

Polly Mertens: 4:53

You talked in our first episode on the 30 day challenge. About 25 years in to being a runner and athlete, a gym goer, you still put your clothes out the night before. Oh, absolutely Right. So, like, create those structures, create those little reminders, make those things obvious on your phone, whatever it is. And something that we had show up from someone who reached out to us when we first launched the I am awesome. Challenge was. You know, my portion of the challenge is saying to yourself I’m awesome every day or I’m amazing or something that feels good, but it’s a reinforcing of the direction and an empowering way that you want to see yourself and someone’s like I have a hard time saying it Right, like they’re, they just don’t feel it right. So my advice for that and this is something that you may want to work with someone on but at least start with having a dialogue with yourself. So it could sound like and I like doing journaling, so sometimes I’ll sit down and I’ll write at the top of the page.

Polly Mertens: 5:49

So what is it about this that I’m resisting? You know, like, like what’s coming up for me? Like I find that sometimes we have a hard time kind of having that inner dialogue just sitting, you know, in a room. But if you write with a sheet of paper, it’s almost like you start having this two-way dialogue. It’s interesting. So you write the question on the top of the page. You know, what is it that I’m resisting about this or why? Why does that feel weird for me to say I’m awesome and then just see what and then start writing, just opening up the doorway for what wants to come out to come out, and I would say, if you get past the page or two, you’ll probably get deep enough that you’ll find what the real resistance is, what that is.

Polly Mertens: 6:27

And then you can start to unpack that for yourself or work with a coach like us or someone to help you. Maybe there’s something behind that.

Samantha Pruitt: 6:35

You know I love the idea of and I do this I’m glad you brought it up because I actually just hadn’t thought about the fact that I do this is I also write down daily, monthly, weekly, quarterly physical goals around my health, wellness, fitness also. So I think the fact of writing these things down so, for example, a super fan of Dr Stacy Sams and I have really changed my nutritional protocols as a post-menopausal female athletic athletic and I’m glad you brought it up radically in the last year and it’s really forced me also to do some of your work around. How do I talk to myself, think and process my thoughts and identity around my physical body as I am creating this athletic experience. So writing those two things down, the journaling aspect of it very empowering, very cathartic, it’s visual.

Polly Mertens: 7:32

You know it’s visual. And then there’s something that goes on and it’s too much to go into about the handwriting. But it’s like where it comes from in the subconscious mind. Our handwriting is stored in your subconscious mind, right, and it’s tied to your identity. So all of that stuff, like getting that part of your brain activated, it’s like activating that subconscious at the same time.

Polly Mertens: 7:51

And what I was sharing about you know, like if you just have a free form writing for like five minutes, you just write that question on the top of the page and then just allow anything and everything. There’s no filtering, it’s just write for five minutes, write two pages. What starts to happen is your brain has to continue to search for answers. It’s like Google. It’s like, oh well, what else is there? What you know? What is this about this that I’m resisting? Is there anything else that I’m resisting? What else am I resisting? If you keep just asking that question, you can help yourself get to those deeper levels in your subconscious mind that are kind of driving, you know, in the background, if you will.

Samantha Pruitt: 8:26

And I want to just point out what I do not believe is helpful in many instances with the humans I work with and with myself personally, is this religious experience people have around tracking what they eat and their exercise.

Samantha Pruitt: 8:44

I understand why those processes exist and why some people really like that accountability, if you will, or that structure or that daily practice of doing that. I just know for myself and for a majority of the humans I work with, that actually can create some very negative self-talk. So I love the idea of what you’re saying is maybe there is a tracking accountability, like I know what I’m going to do for my workouts and what my nutrition is going to look like, whatever, but I don’t actually track those things. But what I do pay attention to when I am writing and journaling is how am I feeling now that I’m doing this different exercise program, or I’ve added these components to my exercise program, or I’m eating differently and sleeping differently, etc. How am I feeling? So what could be a good prompt for people to do A journal, prompt that you would maybe suggest for this self-amquery?

Polly Mertens: 9:40

Well, like I said, you know, so if it’s resisting, saying to yourself something like I’m awesome, like in our current challenge, if you will. So it’s like so what is this about? You know? What is it that I’m resisting about saying this? You know, and worded however I mean the semantics is, it can be specific as you want, but it’s just an opportunity to start that inquiry and then you can ask deep, you know, like so why is that? Or tell me more. You know that’s another one within that prompt, if you will. Yeah, so I think you know. I’ll just say something briefly about what you just touched upon. So I’m a huge fan and you know the discipline that I have or the way that my mind works. Very much I love having charts on my walls Like that like that’s awesome.

Polly Mertens: 10:23

My brain totally loves little checkboxes Like oh yeah, I did those.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:26

You’re the most organized person I know.

Polly Mertens: 10:28

Well, thank you, and that’s that works for me, but that’s not how everyone’s brain works.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:33

Correct.

Polly Mertens: 10:34

And you just got to go. That’s not how my brain works. That does not support me. If it does not support, that’s you. You and I, two people right here and we have completely different brains right, absolutely so how many different brains are out there. So if one works for you and it supports you, then do it, and if one deters you or, like you said, it actually discourages you or you feel like this doesn’t feel, you know, like self-berating sometimes, something like that.

Polly Mertens: 11:00

Yeah, yeah. So, but be honest with yourself If you’re doing, if it’s you’re like, oh, this is berating me, but you’re not, it’s because you’re not doing your stuff, okay, well then, that might.

Samantha Pruitt: 11:09

So my journal prompt would be you know, are you doing some kind of exercise or nutritional or wellness, you know plan for yourself in order to see some changes in your health or your overall fitness? Again, same thing How’s it working for you, or is it? And if you’re not doing it, then why? And maybe it’s not the right fit. So I love that, like there’s just this whole other thing to just. You know, people think, well, I just have to do these 10 things.

Polly Mertens: 11:36

This is what they say online. Do the 10 things. You know, yeah, and you know I think this is an opportunity for me to talk a little bit about my experience with 75 Heart. So I have done numerous 30-day challenges. You know, not not a not afraid of putting myself into discomfort or growth or training programs that last for four months. You know things like that, training for you know ultra runs and stuff like that. And 75 Heart, you know it’s very structured, it’s I want to say like seven or eight things, exactly as prescribed. Do it like this, if you will, and I I restructured it for myself, like even a structured person like me. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Polly Mertens: 12:17

You know, I’m like, okay, so, and I’ll just point out what was different for me. So you know, his thing is one of the things that he has is exercise outside once and exercise inside, and there has to be an hour and a half apart. And you know this is little things whatever, and I’m not not afraid to go out and I mean I’ve swam in the middle of six am in the morning, getting into cold pools for triathlons.

Polly Mertens: 12:40

I’ve you know, I’ve run in the rain and all sorts of things, you know. No, not afraid to do those hard things outdoors. So it wasn’t for me a growth opportunity, that that wasn’t going to grow me, you know being outside when it’s raining or uncomfortable. But what it didn’t have and as I looked at where I was in my life I said is this doesn’t include anything about better sleep. Oh wow.

Samantha Pruitt: 13:02

And if I?

Polly Mertens: 13:03

had if I were to prescribe to somebody like the top five things or top three, top three things.

Samantha Pruitt: 13:08

Top three sleep is in the top three.

Polly Mertens: 13:10

So I went okay. Then 75 heart is quote out for me, but I’m gonna follow a lot of the structure. I mean I did 95% of the things, but I said I’m gonna replace his second exercise with sleep and I did and that supported me. So so be it, customize.

Polly Mertens: 13:26

Yeah, it doesn’t mean we’re letting you off the hook and making it easier Customize where your growth zone is growth zones and that’s where my growth was was ensuring that my sleep was on my checklist each day, let’s say Totally, you know. So it got done. The other thing I would just say and as we’re touching upon a little bit for the self-talk and stuff is greater awareness. You know, and I’ve talked clients for a lot of years, you know, and we’re trying to have new conversations with ourself, new dialogues, changing the inner story. You know I’m a flake, I’m not good enough, I’m whatever, I would say. Well, you know, it’s really what. It seems inconvenient at the time. It’s like, oh, I can’t get myself to say this, or I’m forgetting, or my old patterns of negative self-talk are showing up. I’m like that’s actually great, because that’s the perfect time if you’re aware that you’re hearing that old pattern. It’s a reminder. Now’s a good time to practice the new one.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:22

Yeah, and I call it the evil twin. Right, there’s a good twin and evil twin and the evil twin. Oh, she likes to hang out, she likes to come around a lot.

Polly Mertens: 14:30

Right.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:31

But you can’t ignore her. Or next thing, you know, she’s literally on top of your head, you know. So you’ve got to recognize, identify and then have a conversation and move thyself forward.

Polly Mertens: 14:43

So use the old pattern to help create the new one.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:46

Yeah, that’s how it is.

Polly Mertens: 14:47

It’s like oh, thank you for that. I appreciate that that was the old pattern and now this is the new pattern, so leveraging that.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:54

Okay, so that’s. I can’t wait to talk about the big C. Okay, big C. All caps the word change triple underlined.

Polly Mertens: 15:04

Identity change.

Samantha Pruitt: 15:05

Real identity change. This is the work that you and I are actually up to in the world, and damn it’s good, yeah, working with teams, working with organizations, and, of course, they’re full of individuals. So what does it mean? The capital C change.

Polly Mertens: 15:22

Well, identity. So, in its simplest form, your identity is whatever you put after the word words I am. How do you see yourself, how do you identify as right? So you know, are you know? I am strong, I am smart, I am tall. I mean you can be very physical, like I’m tall, I’m short, I’m Burnett, I’m blonde, I’m whatever. You know, I weigh this much. But who you are, I am like, I am confident, I am courageous, I’m passionate, I’m funny. You know, I’m enthusiastic. Right, I am fill in the blank. That’s the essence of it.

Samantha Pruitt: 16:04

I noticed yours were all positive, so my question is about this capital.

Polly Mertens: 16:11

C when people don’t see themselves as Correct.

Samantha Pruitt: 16:14

Yeah, a lot of people would show up to the party and say a few different things.

Polly Mertens: 16:17

Like I’m not good enough, I’m a flake, I’m a procrastinate.

Samantha Pruitt: 16:21

I’m lazy. I hear this all the time from people. You know I’m lazy, I’m unmotivated, I’m XYZ, yeah, so Ouch, yeah, ouch. Let’s just start with ouch. How dare we talk to ourselves this way? I know.

Polly Mertens: 16:36

Gosh, well, you know. So the first thing, let’s change that. Yeah, there’s a lot to unpack here. So I think one of the things that you and I you know, we know we have a select amount of time for these podcasts or these conversations with people and we can’t really I mean this is, I don’t know any change can be an intensive Right, we offer that for individuals and groups.

Samantha Pruitt: 16:56

We that’s. Come on down, we are ready for you, lady, sir, that’s really the word that we’re up to Right. Let’s do it.

Polly Mertens: 17:06

It’s helping people. You know we love the runway and the beginner steps of helping people see when they’ve been in a rut. Or I talked to a coaching client the other day, she’s like I’ve had my head in the sand. So if you’ve had your head in the sand or you’ve not been paying attention to your needs or life just has been kind of cruising or coasting or stuck, but something’s changed and you’re ready for the bigger sea, right. So what we wanted to talk about here is, like you know some of the ways to unpack this, but it’s not necessarily. We’re not. We can’t give you the whole intensive on this, but we’ll give you some we’re going to move in with you, and then that will happen.

Polly Mertens: 17:40

What’s your address? We’re coming Right, yeah Higher as to come Totally Immersive. The Poly and Sam intensive.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:47

Yeah, that’s a real thing, people.

Polly Mertens: 17:48

Yeah, so I would say, the things that we want is how I want to couch. This is one of my favorite questions from a mentor. It sounded like how would the person I want to be do the thing I’m about to do? Ooh, wait, say that again. How would the person I want to be do the thing I’m about to do? Nice, you know, and you can ask yourself that, on little seas and big seas, right, so little sea like, oh, somebody that gets up for the gym, like you just gave an example like, oh, you put your clothes out the night before, like that’s how the person you want to be, who goes to the gym regularly, does it.

Polly Mertens: 18:27

Okay, so some people just don’t know what that looks like. So how would the person I want to be do the thing I’m about to do? Well, like when I wasn’t running Spartan races, I needed to go figure out what those things were. Yeah, so it might be just an education. So, if you’re not in the financial position that you want to be, or you want to change completely, you know, move across the country and you know. Or you want to go from being a full-time employee to be an entrepreneur or a nomadic worker or something like that. You know you want to self-identify as an entrepreneur, or financially free or a good lover or whatever you know, great, good lover, good relationship, good partner.

Samantha Pruitt: 19:07

Yeah, how does that? How do, how do people do those things? Yeah, so some of it might be just can you believe we’re not taught all these things by the way when we’re growing up? Side note tangent.

Polly Mertens: 19:16

Sorry, or we see the things we don’t want. We were raised around examples of bad doing Okay Sorry.

Samantha Pruitt: 19:24

I couldn’t help but interject that.

Polly Mertens: 19:25

Totally so. Some of it may just be. You need to go figure out what those people are doing. Okay, like, what are the habits of the successful people in that new identity, right, and some of this, like one of the things we’ve researched in development, yeah, it was like people with good boundaries, or people with you know that speak up for themselves, or people that are courageous, or people that are confident, like, what do you need to maybe learn? And then like, how do you start doing it? And then it’s like, look, you know, one of the things I wanted to touch upon is if you start to find change. So let’s say you’ve identified a big C that you’re going to make, okay, a big leap for yourself. You know, I’d love to take the lovers one. That would be fun, that’s fun.

Polly Mertens: 20:05

Yeah, I’ll give you a fun one, but let’s say you know it’s about somebody who has boundaries in their life. Yeah Right, you’re so. You’re good at this. I love this.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:15

I’m a boundary queen, it’s because I had so much practice Having them violated and then suffering physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually because of it.

Polly Mertens: 20:28

So, and I look at boundaries as like it’s almost like this outer wall, like if you can picture like you have a moat and a wall around your castle, your queendom, when you have no boundaries. It’s like there’s no moat, there’s no walls, there’s no, like the alligators or debauchery alligators are at your feet constantly, the children, the demands, the people that call upon you the oh hey, can you come help me with this Constant right.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:53

Yeah, co-worker, always coming into your space when you’re trying to be productive.

Polly Mertens: 20:58

So if you’re looking to take that leap from where you were to where you want to be. Some of it is looking at the underlying beliefs that are getting in the way, okay, okay. So let’s take the boundaries, one as like an example. Like you want to be someone with firm boundaries, or good boundaries, or healthy boundaries, right? So what are, you know, like? If we look at the underlying beliefs that get in the way, then you have to start to identify them, and this is the unpacking that you do with a coach, you know, or through a process or a workshop or something right, and you begin to debunk them, you begin to transform them.

Samantha Pruitt: 21:32

So an example of a belief could be if you have, if boundaries are.

Polly Mertens: 21:36

I was going to say tell me one of your. What does yours just sound?

Samantha Pruitt: 21:39

like, yeah, and it’s funny because a lot of people do identify me as having boundaries good boundaries and then they inquire about said topic how did you do that? So I’ve had a lot of these conversations, but so for a lot of people I hear this story that they are telling themselves that my time is not as valuable as my coworkers. My family member my girlfriend.

Samantha Pruitt: 22:05

Yeah, I’m serving a need here and that maybe makes me feel more valuable. So I’m not valuable enough, so I’m giving it away, giving it away, giving it away, giving it away. Or I really feel genuinely valued by people when I am needed. So those are two really common threads and it’ll be interesting because the same person says both, but they’re conflicting and neither are true. Neither are true. Triple click, neither are true.

Polly Mertens: 22:36

Well, they’re true if that’s the life that you want to continue to have. I mean yeah, okay, so that’s what you’re saying. Let me know how that’s working for you.

Samantha Pruitt: 22:45

More of the same will happen, more of the same will happen. So let’s revisit something for a second. So big change C that we are diving into now and are about to go deep, put on your seatbelt is about identity change, and identity change starts with examining your beliefs, correct?

Polly Mertens: 23:06

Yeah, some of it’s. Looking at the underlying beliefs, I would say that are often because people, in a moment, like you said in the beginning about having a small C, you’re like they have a moment of inspiration and they’re like, oh, I want to change this thing, I want to start going to the gym or something. Drink more water, not a doubt, yeah, but eat more vegetables. When you have a capital C moment, often it’s from a pain, like the pain of something in your life, because not many people change without enough pain going on.

Polly Mertens: 23:34

True, I’ll talk about getting the leverage, and we’ll talk about that in a minute, but you’ve probably found yourself crying in your pillow at night or suffering in some painful way. Maybe a disease is starting to show up in your body headaches, back aches, arthritis, something like it’s terming inflammatory into the body, or it’s just so discomfort like you’re so exhausted from being stripped down or whatever that you have to change.

Polly Mertens: 24:08

So you go I’m going to create some fricking boundaries with your people. So you’re like maybe you declare I’m a boundary queen. Well then, you got to start looking at when you don’t do that with yourself. When you say I’m the boundary queen, I’m going to say no to these people. And then six months later or three months later, you find yourself back where you were. There’s probably some old limiting beliefs underneath it that you need to unpack and get out of the way. Like you said, they’re not worthy, or these people need me, or this time.

Samantha Pruitt: 24:38

Stories, stories and stories. Exactly.

Polly Mertens: 24:42

So you got to get to the bottom of those. So looking at the underlying beliefs, so what can get in the way of identity change is old beliefs, old patterns that you haven’t worked with through transformed themselves, and I’ve told you this before we started taping is that when I work with people where I found in my own life as well is there’s usually some friends not just one belief you know, it’s usually a couple of beliefs hanging out like a gang a gang of beliefs. It’s like a bad in the dark alley a bad gang.

Polly Mertens: 25:12

that’s like after you, beating you up and saying but you shouldn’t, so looking at your beliefs. And the next thing is I was coaching a woman who was like oh, you know, I’m working for this person and I can do this. You know I’m going to go out and do this on my own and so you know it’s been talking about it and putting it off and putting it off.

Polly Mertens: 25:33

You know it’s like oh, I got to file the EIN. I’ve got to, like, get this lined up. I’ve got to get my website, whatever, and it’s just business creation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right, like so the capital C is like I don’t want to be an entrepreneur. I want to be my own business. We love those people Absolutely, but and I’m talking with her- and so.

Polly Mertens: 25:51

I’m like well, so why isn’t this happening? Why hasn’t that happened? So what starts to unfold in the conversation is more and more of the things that she’s seeing for herself. The story she’s telling herself is like all the things that could go wrong.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:04

Oh wow. Right.

Polly Mertens: 26:06

And I’m sure you see this with the fitness people right, like what if I lose too much weight and have to buy a new clothes, or you know, I mean that’s like a good problem to have. But you know, like I’m sure you see this with physical changes or physical.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:17

Well, recently I was actually coaching a business client and, as a serial entrepreneur, those are my people. This particular human being is currently working for an organization and traditionally she’s not. She’s a creative, she does all kinds of amazing work in the world, but currently for a paycheck. She is working in an organization that happens to believe in putting people in cubicles Can you believe that? And so this has been a challenging couple of years for her to try something different, and it was for financial goals, etc. So it made sense and it’s still making limited sense, but the point is there’s some conflict she’s having within herself.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:58

It’s gotten very painful to be continuously walking into that door and being seen as a number producing in a cubicle. So what was so fun in our work together this last week was really unpacking the stories that were going on in this human’s brain. The amount of self-talk and story that was around, definitely feeling like this job was imprisonment. It felt very confining. I feel like I’m in jail. I feel like I’m micromanaged. These people only see me as a number. All of these kind of message and stories were just programming that had developed over this two-year job. We had to really look at that because I said well, you basically might as well walk into the door of work every day in a pinstripe soup, with a ball and chain, dragging it behind you and sitting in the cubicle.

Polly Mertens: 27:54

That’s what it sounds like, because you’ve told yourself that’s what’s going on.

Samantha Pruitt: 27:57

And who in the hell would still continue to walk in that door. Nobody would willingly accept that, no matter how big the paycheck is. So we have to really reprogram all of that, and so slowly unpacking it really was having hard conversations about. Are these stories true? What is the reality of the environment? How are you being handled, speak to it, whatever, and how do your coworkers see you? How does your boss see you? How are you really seen and why are you seeing yourself different than what is actually reality? So it’s super fun to just unpack all of that stuff. It’s just a different way of us telling stories to ourselves and we do it every day in environments.

Polly Mertens: 28:34

Yeah, and back to the gal. That and I appreciate that it’s how you’re going to feel walking in that door Absolutely has to do with the story. Is this a prison?

Samantha Pruitt: 28:44

Might as well put the outfit out. It’s a paradise.

Polly Mertens: 28:46

Is this prison or paradise, or is this a limited time? I’m doing this because better things are on my way, whatever the story.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:53

And then let’s build a story for that. The empowered story. The empowered story around that.

Polly Mertens: 29:00

So this entrepreneur that I was working with, or soon to be entrepreneur. She’s like oh, I haven’t done this, I haven’t done that, and it was because the story was oh, the people in my it’s a small town and people will know that I’m starting to do this or they will judge me. Yeah, or maybe people won’t want to buy my thing, or whatever.

Samantha Pruitt: 29:18

They will reject me.

Polly Mertens: 29:19

All these, yeah, all these, like it’s not going to, it’s not going to feel good. I’m like, well, I wouldn’t want to be that entrepreneur either, Like who would want to stay with your job. However, is it true, exactly, is it true? And so can you flip that conversation, because I, you know, I mean, for me it was like well, what’s the you know, what’s the opposite of that? Isn’t it funny how we make these things up? Yeah, but we, you know, what’s wrong is always available, and so what’s wrong is always available.

Polly Mertens: 29:47

And so is what’s right. What’s wrong is always on the menu. How good this, could this be? So I was like what if you began to write down, look at, train yourself, you know, remind yourself every day like, oh my God, what if this, really? What if I’m financially free in two years, five years, whatever? What if I never have to work a day for another person again, like asking better questions, painting a better picture, if?

Samantha Pruitt: 30:10

you will.

Polly Mertens: 30:11

So if you, if you want to go towards something, if you’ve made that decision let’s say going back to the boundary boss right, like, instead of saying like, oh, these people are going to feel let down because I’m saying no, like, what’s the better scenario here? Right, create a compelling future. I will have my time to myself. I won’t be so worn out all the time.

Samantha Pruitt: 30:30

Like, start telling them they will have the opportunity for growth, they’ll be doing better yeah.

Polly Mertens: 30:36

They will actually stand on their feet more instead of leaning on me all the time, whatever it is, yeah, so the short answer to that is like see things working out, start seeing and telling yourself how things are going to go and you know, painting them the picture.

Samantha Pruitt: 30:51

And I know, as coaches, what we do is we have more belief generally in the human than they have in themselves. That’s how they start.

Polly Mertens: 31:01

It’s not how they finish.

Samantha Pruitt: 31:01

Lean on your coach, yeah, lean on your coaches, lean on your community, lean on somebody who believes in you, and they will help with this, for sure.

Polly Mertens: 31:12

Yes, it’s a retraining, it’s a change in programming, basically. So the next one is what I call leverage. As we talk about change, a great line is change only happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of the change. So the scenario, the situation that you’re in right now, if it’s not painful enough, okay, why change it? Why bother? Right Is the scenario that you want that compelling future, that having better boundaries, like why is this? If it’s not bothering you that much, people don’t come to you so much, your boundaries, you don’t have a lot of demands on you? Okay, so be it. If I’m guessing that there was a reason that you wanted this change something about your identity. So either you have to start making the pain stronger, bigger, louder, right? So people don’t change unless the pain is there enough, or the future is so compelling Like, it’s so worthwhile, like some people want to make a big impact in the world, right?

Polly Mertens: 32:18

Like okay, Like howling futures, Compelling future. So the bigger the compelling future, increase the volume on the benefit the new life, the new story the new you.

Samantha Pruitt: 32:30

I want to talk about that in depth, but I think for most people they experience the first thing, which is the pain becomes so great, absolutely. It manifests physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. In some way it manifests in their life relationships fall apart, lives fall apart, jobs, all that. So we seem to suffer a lot, this whole human experience. It’s just kind of a thing, right. So a lot of people can identify with that. But what they can’t identify with is this second piece. To me this is the freaking goal. So please reiterate that once again and then unpack that for us a little bit, please.

Polly Mertens: 33:08

I’ll do it a little bit so compelling future, and we talked about this in another episode. So if you look at your life trajectory, let’s say and I’m trying to speak this, if I could write it on a board, picture it in your mind, if you will, If your life timeline goes from a string horizontally across from left to right, or if you just write a straight line across a sheet of paper.

Polly Mertens: 33:32

Actually, what really happens is our lives look more like the heartbeat, Like they’ve ever seen an EKG. A heartbeat goes up and down, and up and down. Because life is up and down. Right, so if we take a snapshot of that and we make it like the square root symbol, right, so life is going along, and then you make some decisions and life starts to go down right. You kind of go into that pit of the square root. It’s like, yeah, I’m going down.

Polly Mertens: 33:53

The pain gets louder, larger, the story you’re telling yourself gets. You know, you hear it enough. It’s like frick. You know I can’t walk in the door to this place. You start calling in sick and stuff. Well, so the top of the square root, the bounce, the rebound that you’re going for is not the same level as that original line or string, it’s higher, right, nice, so it’s the compelling future is greater, it’s more than it’s better than where you started, because I mean, I mean, really, do we really want to go back to? It’s the what if? Yeah, exactly, exactly. And often what I see is I kind of think of it as, like the rubber band is the. If you could like tug on the bottom of that square root and you could pull it down, boing, make the pain greater and greater. The rebound is so much bigger, like people, when they get in enough pain, will do crazy amounts of things to get out of it.

Samantha Pruitt: 34:47

You see a lot of people, and we both have friends and family that have suffered from addiction. You see this a lot. Right, it’s so bad, yeah, so bad, and they annihilate their lives and their relationships and everything, their physical bodies. And then the rubber band pching and then they catapult into a stratosphere they had no idea they were even capable of. That’s amazing.

Polly Mertens: 35:07

That’s amazing. It’s amazing and you can do that with. You know there’s in hypnotherapy. We do work with people to help them get to those breakdown moments without their life turning into a trainwreck and a breakdown.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:20

But what if you can’t see what that compelling future is? Well, it’s cloudy. I don’t feel good, my brain doesn’t work, I don’t have any energy, I can’t see it Help.

Polly Mertens: 35:33

I feel like that a lot Help no.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:35

I don’t know. You know, call us. Oh no Help. How does somebody find it out?

Polly Mertens: 35:40

You know, besides calling us, you know, sometimes we’re not meant to see all of it. Ah right, you know it’s not that. Life is here to show us every single. You know, if we’ve got a hundred year life and wherever you are in your life span, you’re not going to know where you’re going to be at 97, 96, 95. Like it’s not about that necessarily, but for some people it might just be like well, what would be better, you know, like this gal, in this scenario of work and walking into prison every day, it’s like well, in your ideal world, I bet you. You know, sometimes you can just go left hand, right hand, so the left hand is like people that don’t appreciate me, okay, well then, what does that naturally create? Gosh, an environment where I feel appreciated from what I bring to the world right.

Polly Mertens: 36:26

Okay, or I don’t like having structured hours. I have to go into this stupid cubicle, Okay. Well, you can naturally start to create what’s the opposite of that In the opposite hand?

Samantha Pruitt: 36:36

that would be yeah, and, to be clear, I’m not advising her to stay in that cubicle, but we’re co-creating a strategy for her to get out right and for me. What I experience a lot with my humans is that and for myself so maybe that’s why this is part of my chemistry or dynamic is I got to have a taste of the success so I can’t see ultimately like oh my gosh, it’s gonna look like this.

Samantha Pruitt: 37:01

It’s gonna be amazing, even you and I doing this project together, right, I mean hello, we’re taking a leap of faith, we’re investing in each other and in our creativity and so forth. We have no idea where this is gonna go. It’s all good because along the way we collectively in this project me and my life, you and your life we have had tastes of the success and what is possible. So, like changing my nutritional protocols, I could start to taste, feel and smell what it felt like, to have more energy in a clearer mind. Okay, that’s enough to keep me going. That’s enough to keep me in the game. Next level, please. Next level Exercise. Okay, try this career path, try this. You get little tastes, you get setbacks, but those tastes are enough to keep you going towards the compelling future.

Polly Mertens: 37:55

Yeah, and I think the human spirit is so built for growth like that’s an evident ability.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:01

We’re hungry for it.

Polly Mertens: 38:03

Growth is what we’re here for, but, like living a fulfilling life and a satisfied life, I’m guessing there’s only so much dissatisfaction and discomfort and, like I said, suffering that that particular human that we’re talking about could take, and they’ll do something Right. She’s gonna break something. She’s either gonna start showing it, you know, like calling in sick too many times and they fire her, or she’s gonna say I quit, or she’s going to work on her story, you know or she’s gonna start, you know, finding ways inside of that life to minimize that suffering Somehow. I don’t know what it is, and you and I are big fans of blowing shit up Like we’re just like all right out of here.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:39

Oh, I love a good house fire.

Polly Mertens: 38:41

Even with burning down.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:43

Don’t even know where you’re going Burning down the house.

Polly Mertens: 38:45

I’m not willing to do this any longer. Yeah, like how much of your life are you willing to that?

Samantha Pruitt: 38:49

can be scary for people right.

Polly Mertens: 38:51

How’s? Yeah, it’s scary for us. Bring it on, mama Right, because, well, you and I have had enough of those burning the house down moments that we’re like I’ll survive it, yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:02

Oh, totally I’ll figure it out.

Polly Mertens: 39:04

Oh, you know, like what’s the worst thing that happened. Okay, I’ll go through that. Let me like think about that for a little bit. All right, I can survive that and we get on with it, right.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:13

And so, recognizing that life is a precious gift and the more days you spend in suffering is a choice, it’s hard to burn down the building when things aren’t working, if you can’t identify, see, feel, smell, taste, touch your compelling future. So this rubber band moment is really the tipping point of that, right, and so a lot of people are. Your analogy of using the equation was great, right. So the straight line. And then now they’re dropping down, plomiting, plummeting, plummeting. Well, how far and how deep must we go? Yeah, before you bounce it out, yeah yeah, it’s different for everybody For sure.

Polly Mertens: 39:53

So there’s a lot that we hope that helps. So one of the things you know, a couple of things that I could say is like buy a ticket, make an appointment, make a bet, so get some leverage, like make the pain stronger sooner, right.

Polly Mertens: 40:05

Make some leverage. So I’ve made bets with friends, you know it’s like, okay, I’ll bet you $100 or $1,000. I will or won’t do that thing. I’ll give you $100,000 if I do or don’t do that thing. So that you know, in the moment that I’m creating, let’s say, the change or the relationship, the commitment with myself to do that thing, I make that commitment to someone else so that it helps me create some reinforcement with myself. Right, you know, if I’m, you know, like the first thing, when I said, okay, I’m gonna do this, I’m like, all right, let me just sign up. Guess, I’m signing up, you know, because it’s like, okay, if I don’t do it, then there goes a hundred, you know hundreds of thousand dollars down the drain, like I don’t like losing money, you know.

Samantha Pruitt: 40:41

So I got leverage on myself, like that would be more painful than, okay, I’m doing these things you know, and isn’t it fascinating that people this is why coaches even exist right People can make a commitment to another human being easier than to themselves. So if they only make it to themselves and they continue to not deliver on that and they continue to let themselves down repeated route, but if you do it to another, there’s more that’s crazy.

Polly Mertens: 41:08

Well, the goal is self-coaching so that people are empowered. They don’t need that, you know. I mean, that’s self-actualization, you know, and self-realization. And they wouldn’t dare let themselves down Right right or you know, sometimes people do a really good job of keeping their commitment in some areas of their life.

Samantha Pruitt: 41:25

And not in others.

Polly Mertens: 41:26

And not in others, that’s true. So I would say, you know, I want to kind of wrap with like the biggest thing that I see gets in people’s way is low self-worth.

Polly Mertens: 41:38

I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy, like I’m not that thing, like you know two things that I’m working on personally in my life I come up with themes for the year and words and stuff. So two of my power words this year are expand and elevate, and a little bit. What the elevate part means to me is, in some ways and in some categories I do a great job of seeing myself like for myself, or seeing the best sides of me or whatever. And then I was recognizing some areas I wasn’t allowing myself to fully see my potential, like already existing, let alone future potential, and so I’m elevating the perspective that I’m giving myself about myself and so that’s just worked me with me, like, and that’s that’s how I do it. You know, that’s just something. I’ve done a lot of work in a lot of scenarios and I coach people so I can do that work with myself. But working with a coach you could have something someone working with you, or we could work with you to work on your self-worth conversation.

Polly Mertens: 42:40

Right those underlying beliefs that get in the way, the scenarios that self-sabotage, whatever it is right. Do you see that with? You know the people with self-worth.

Samantha Pruitt: 42:51

Yeah, there’s so much pro-pro-pro-pro-pro unpacking programming. Oh, like I shared with you, I’ll share it just again, publicly. When I was growing up, somebody said to me people who were raising me that how could I have the audacity, the audacity to think about being a certain person in the world, acting a certain way, accomplishing certain things? What an absurd, limiting belief to put on any human being, never mind a young person who is in development. So now I’ve turned that story, of course for myself, and that word into a word of empowerment that just fires me the hell up.

Samantha Pruitt: 43:34

Like I will be as audacious as they come, the more absurd it can possibly be for me to blow up limiting beliefs and what is possible for me physically, mentally, professionally, whatever the more audacious I can be. That’s who I want to be in the world. So I think there’s so many opportunities for all of us in our everyday life to really not just pick small seas and do the and I don’t want to use the term superficial work, but you see it a lot around years resolutions and boot camps and 30 day challenges. Right, you and I want to be clear that, yes, we understand that is also part of it foundationally.

Samantha Pruitt: 44:17

It’s the runway absolutely yeah, already see everyday micro things, the capital C or actually all caps, word change, underlined three times, triple clicked. That’s the change of identity and that’s what we’re about and that’s the journey we want to take our audience on with us. It’s happening. Bring it home, lady.

Polly Mertens: 44:41

Well. So I hope that you’ve gotten some things out of this. I think there’s like we said. I mean, the work of identity change is so valuable and it can be intense. It could be something that often you need leverage with a therapist or go to a workshop or a retreat or something or work with coach, because to have identity change, it’s lasting change, right? So there’s a difference between saying I’m going on a diet and I’m going to become a healthy eater, right, lasting changes. I’m a healthy eater for life, right?

Samantha Pruitt: 45:12

Because diets come and go.

Polly Mertens: 45:14

There’s a difference in saying I’m going to start a business and I’m an entrepreneur and identifying that and we’ve talked about this in other episodes you have to sometimes use bridge language and bridge actions and activities. So the first day you say that you’re working for somebody else, like, well, who do you think? Wait, you’re not, you’re the autacities. So just know that identity change can be something that you need support with right. It can happen in a moment and in an instant. Absolutely. We’ve both seen it, done it type of thing.

Polly Mertens: 45:46

But oftentimes that bigger change that you may be up for could you know, could use some support. So we hope you know some of these little small things we’ve helped you with, with structure and awareness, and you know how to unpack and journaling and things like that. And then the big C we hope you think you’ve gotten some things out of this and I would say you know a lot of this is putting yourself into an empowered state, and one thing we’ve if you take nothing away from this episode except this one last closing thought is it’s taking the responsibility, finding yourself empowered, not to wait for life to force the change.

Polly Mertens: 46:25

Right so like taking responsibility and ownership like this you know, do it on your terms. Do it on your terms and do it in your timing, Like now. Don’t wait for life to get. Turn up the volume on the pain or the suffering, or you know the frustration. Do it now, so, and the real work is you doing it.

Samantha Pruitt: 46:43

Yeah, we’re behind you. Yeah, all right, let’s wrap this party up.

Polly Mertens: 46:48

So what do you want to tell them? What do we tell them?

Samantha Pruitt: 46:50

I must tell our beautiful humans, I must tell them once again. I’ll tell you a thousand times how your life feels is more important than how it looks.

Polly Mertens: 47:02

And remember every day is your opportunity to find your awesome. Let’s do it. Woo Music playing.