Polly Mertens: 0:26

hey, superstars welcome back polly here and sam pruitt. What’s up?

Polly Mertens: 0:31

beautiful

Polly Mertens: 0:31

humans yo guys, we got an interesting topic. This is something. I think the word we, you know, we put this in the the subject lines because it was like anxiety is something a lot of people, it’s just, you know, kind of we all get it, we, we all have it if you will, and so, but we really want to talk about getting curious to relieve anxiety.

Polly Mertens: 0:48

Would you say yeah, Well, we’ve both been having anxiety this week and we’re like, hey, we’re both having anxiety about radically different things, of course, because we’re living in separate places doing different things, but because we are who we are in the world, we also are curious. So what we found through our conversation our several conversations this week dealing with some stuff that’s just been going on is because we have been able to work through these things. We found that curiosity as a core value that we both have and share was really a critical piece to moving through the anxiety, and we thought why not share it with the audience?

Polly Mertens: 1:29

Because what an amazing tool that we have developed and many, many people have it, but many don’t. We really want to share it because it’s a free tool that anybody can use.

Polly Mertens: 1:43

Yeah, yeah, and you know it’s, it’s up for grabs, let’s say you know. So I think with all of this, it’s like it’s, it’s a choice if you will. You know, and, as we were talking about you know, like the roots of anxiety. One of the things that I was thinking is you know, you know you’ve got anxiety, like you feel kind of the systemic feeling in your body, right, just this anticipation and you know, yucky, yeah, yeah, all those, yeah, you know I call it.

Polly Mertens: 2:07

what does it feel like for you? Yeah, Well, explain it.

Polly Mertens: 2:10

Well, you know, I actually don’t ever say that I have anxiety. So, just so you know, like I don’t like to label myself anxious, I you know I will have moments where I’m unsettled. I’ll say I’m like, oh, you know. So what I was actually noticing last night is people often say like pressure right. So like they’re feeling pressure or something right, whether that’s a deadline or something that they have to say or do, or phone callers. You know, like they’re anxious about something or they’ve got anxiety about something. And I was noticing that.

Polly Mertens: 2:40

It’s funny, you know, just as we’re saying this on the air, I was like I was doing this. It’s funny, you know, just as we’re saying this on the air, I was like, oh, I was doing this last night. So I was laying in bed and I was like, ah, I’m feeling that thing that people talk about with the pressure, like I literally felt it in my body. It felt like out, like a bubble, you know, sort of like a squeezing of my body. Let’s say like, oh, there’s this bubble. And I was like, oh, there’s the pressure, okay, well, what’s causing it? And then, you know, I have learned, or one of the things I’ve taught myself, and we’re going to curiosity as a start here is like, if I’m feeling something in my body, it’s largely because I’m thinking something in my head, like that’s my go upstairs check in with the mind is usually it right. And so I was like, oh, what am I thinking about that could be causing me to feel this way about it?

Polly Mertens: 3:27

And then I noticed like, oh, I’ve got this deadline and this might not work out. And what about this? And what about this? And I went, oh well, there’s the pressure, you know. And I was like, well, is any of that true, or do I need to be a? I always love like shifting it, like do I need to be thinking about this right now? You know, like trying to go to bed not thinking about it? But how about you? What does anxiety feel like for you and your body?

Polly Mertens: 3:47

Well, I definitely get anxiety and I think it’s been something I’ve had off and on my whole life that I can actually remember that there are definitely periods pretty regularly for me that anxiety becomes a thing and it does manifest physically and it’s definitely coming from my thoughts and emotions. So things are going on in the world around me, or with relationships, or with my own thought process, and it starts to turn into a physical expression. If I’m in bed and having it, it’s because my mind is racing and I’m not able to go to sleep and I can feel my heart literally like palpitating and doing weird things, and sometimes that even happens during the day. So that’s when I know, hey, I’m getting anxious, I’m feeling anxious, what is going on? Sometimes it’s like the physical thing comes up and then I will pause and be like Ooh, I’m very familiar with this feeling and before it runs away from me and becomes exasperated, I need to pause, do some breathing. Maybe I need to remove myself from a situation if I’m in an environment, right, it is inducing that and really calm myself down and then start to reflect.

Polly Mertens: 5:06

Hey, uh, what am I thinking about right now? Or is it my mind racing? You know what’s bringing this up, and is it? Is it something that I can redirect or, you know, turn away from or whatever the thing is? But, like what you’re saying, that we both believe in, is, if we didn’t get curious and I’ve learned that lesson it can definitely get away from you and it becomes now. Every day I have underlying anxiety, or every time I walk into this job I feel anxious. Or every time I have to call this relative or see this person, I’m anxious and I don’t want to be operating that way in the world anymore and I haven’t wanted to do that for a long time. So I’ve worked very hard to do like you have for that not to become normal. But I wanted to speak to the fact that you know, at one point it was normal and for many people it is and it’s, it doesn’t feel good.

Samantha Pruitt: 6:03

It doesn’t feel good and I just want to say, you know, you say I get anxious and I just want to possibly insert I’m choosing to be anxious because I want us to remember we have the power Right. It’s not like, oh, I caught a cold, you know. It’s like I got it. You know, hey, I caught that ball, I got the anxiety ball. It’s more like I’ve created it inside my body from something. You know, hey, I caught that ball, I got the anxiety ball.

Samantha Pruitt: 6:22

It’s more like I’ve created it inside my body from something you know, sometimes, sometimes people and this is where people lose their power is, they say, that person made me anxious? Well, triggers, we’ve thought, we’ve talked about triggers but there can be lies in us. It lies in us.

Polly Mertens: 6:38

It does lie in us, but I’m going to push back. Like there will be environments that are maybe similar or relationships are a really good way. Like there are certain relationships that some of us have where our history with that person and experience we had and exchange something there is really can be very painful and maybe we don’t even remember what it is. Maybe we do, but there can be something separate. Maybe that person isn’t even around, but someone else reminds us of them, or something is said or a circumstance, and we’re right back there.

Samantha Pruitt: 7:16

Yeah, yeah, like we’re carrying the trigger around with us, like we’re carrying our physical body. Yeah, yeah, it’s stored in our subconscious mind, aka your body, right. And so you, you get. You come up against. You know you’re the, you’re the match, and you come up against the sharp edge and it lights, you know, and you feel it and you’re like a stroke right. You’re like, oh, where’s all these chemicals and feelings coming from? Because you’re carrying that. You know in in the world. You know some work. We call it namaskar the wound. You know the in the world. You know some work. We call it namaskar the wound. You know the unhealed thought, emotion, trapped energy story. Something happened to you that was painful at the time, big, you know big T, little t, whatever, or repeated T’s. You know repeated T’s can also turn into wounds. You know that. Live with us. And then we walk around with that wound and then get, we get, we bump up against you know the world, but it’s not them that’s making you that way.

Polly Mertens: 8:07

No, it’s not them.

Samantha Pruitt: 8:09

That’s why I’m saying, like I get anxiety. It’s like, well, I create anxiety because out in the world, I haven’t healed something inside myself that causes it. So yeah, but the curiosity. So one of the things I just wanted to insert as we go forward is you know, we talked about our philosophy and get curious as part of it, and I, I definitely don’t think I had this, you know, at birth. Let me say, you had curiosity, we all had as kids. We all had curiosity, and then I think I conditioned myself out of it and then I think, like you said, we’ve come back to it right, and you and I, just underlying, have a.

Samantha Pruitt: 8:49

I think we’re curious about the world, we’re curious about ourselves, and one of the things that I’ve studied and learned from one of my favorite teachers, abraham Hicks, is like we deserve to feel good in this body, we deserve to have a life and a body and like have wellbeing, like that is our gifted, natural state. That’s a belief that I choose to adopt. Not everybody believes that whatever, we’re all sinners. Some people believe whatever I’m like nope, not me, I’m like, I believe.

Polly Mertens: 9:08

I’m going to pass on signing up for that as well.

Samantha Pruitt: 9:10

Yeah, exactly, I’m like no, well-being is my natural state, and so what you and I are pointing out is when you notice that you’re out of alignment, you’re out of that natural state of well-being, whether you know. One of the things we’re talking about is a lot of this stuff can exist in relationship. It can exist in self-relationship, like you’re just nervous in your own mind, right, yeah, like you said, you’re in bed, nobody’s, you know, making you anxious except yourself For food. You know, some foods can trigger, you know, emotions inside of us or experiences, and we don’t feel good, right, but we continue to do those things, right. Or watching things on the news like we were talking about, right, yes, yes, what are we exposing ourselves to? So I have the fundamental belief that I deserve to feel good, and so I’m keenly aware, when this body is out of regulation, when it’s out of peace, when it’s out of feeling good, I go hold up.

Polly Mertens: 10:04

Yeah, Hold up, Exactly Because we have that core belief that we deserve to feel good and that we should feel good. But we’re capable of feeling good mentally and physically, and you and I have worked very hard at feeling good mentally and physically, Like we understand that this is work, but at the same time it’s we’re all deserving of that really high quality way of being in the world. And that is where the curiosity comes in, Because if something doesn’t feel good mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, then we go. What’s going on? I should get curious.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:43

And I think one of the things you were pointing out in your story just a minute ago that I want to go back to is how many years you and I probably lived in areas where we let the suffering in our body or, you know, we ignored the signals from our body.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:58

You might say like something was going on and we’re like don’t have time for that, or you know whatever, and it builds and it creates a pattern, and it creates a groove, and then a bigger wound or whatever, turns into disease, turns into you know, all kinds of unsettling manifestations and it’s like wait a minute, no, and so you and I don’t let it get to that point anymore. Right, that’s where we’re wanting to introduce this to people is like, get curious sooner. Like, hey, we’ve been down this road. We know like if you’re not paying attention to how you feel and you put it on the side, you know it’s like, oh, that doesn’t matter. Or oh, that issue in my relationship I can just put it off to the side. Or oh, yeah, my back hurts today, but you know I won’t go see a doctor, whatever you know.

Polly Mertens: 11:44

Well, I want to interject just one thought around this that I’ll say from my own experience and maybe there’s some people listening that have this as well is maybe a curiosity should start in the place that. Is it possible? When we say you deserve to feel good, their immediate response is well, not really.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:01

Maybe I’m not deserving of feeling good.

Polly Mertens: 12:04

Maybe I am deserving of this, whether it’s physically, mentally or emotionally disrupted feeling. Maybe I deserve that kind of suffering, and that’s a whole other conversation that people need to be having with themselves or with a professional is, if that’s what comes up for you immediately when we say this, then we need to start there, that’s true, yeah, and I know for me it wasn’t just ignoring stuff, it was a self-fulfilling process prophecy, if you will. Around, you know self-abuse and stuff like that. Kind of worthiness rooted in like worthiness, lack of belonging and self-abuse.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:44

Yeah, as you were talking, one of the things I was thinking of is, you know, some of the relationship situations and scenarios I’ve had recently that you helped me on, you know and talking with people in my life, and it was interesting, this one person that is you know a long history, years and years and years and you were helping me see like, oh well, he just has you know kind of your ticket, like you know, like he knows, you know he can punch that card and knows that that’ll send you over here and and it’s so true, right, you know, and, and fortunately you know, with the conversation with you and I hope you have in your life people or you can work with a coach that you have someone in your life that can go hold up, wait a minute, you know what is. But I got curious about it and what I was able to do. I think you know some of this work with. You’ve probably heard that book, the seven habits of highly successful people, stephen Covey, is like seek first to understand, seek first to understand the other person. So I got curious like, wow, what’s going on here? So I was really looking at the dynamic between me and you know why was I feeling so bad in this scenario and, god, I felt so much loathing and shame, oh gosh, you know. And then I just like stepped back. I got curious. You know what’s going on over there for that person. What’s going on over here?

Samantha Pruitt: 13:58

I was, in the beginning, taking on a lot of responsibility for what had happened, right, and that’s been my MO in this particular dynamic is like I take, you know, a. I do like to take responsibility for how my life goes and the things that I create, but I’m like, wait a minute, I’m taking on responsibility for something that I also did not create and I, you know, is on him, if you will. But I had to get up to a higher perspective, get curious about what’s going on for him and over there. And then I was like, huh, and why am I feeling disempowered? Right, and I was creating it for myself.

Polly Mertens: 14:30

And I flipped that you know exactly, and I think these things happen to us all day long if we let them right, because we’re in relationship with others, we’re in community with others, work professionally, family, etc. We have a lot of exposure to inbound news or politics or things happening in the world or in the environment, etc. Even in our towns or in our homes. It’s hard not to be responding and taking on that energy of the other, whether it is coming through the media channel or somebody that you love. Right, it’s very difficult to have space and boundary around that. Where do they stop and where do I begin? You know what is theirs and what is mine, and so if you don’t have the curiosity around that, it’s going to be very difficult, in an unexamined way of being in the world, to not just allow that to just completely fold you over. Yeah, because all day long there’s an intensity out there. I mean, there really is. There’s a lot going on.

Polly Mertens: 15:41

Yeah, but it doesn’t belong to us, right, what’s happening in the news and politics don’t belong to me. I don’t work in politics, like I have no need to really even, you know, engage with that kind of media. Right, and even in family units, you know, I have a partner, I have children, I have grandchildren I mean, I have you know. So there’s a lot going on with all of those people. I care deeply about all of them, but what is happening with them is their journey. I can only be and hold space for them to have their journey. I can’t take on their journey and make it mine.

Polly Mertens: 16:23

And that’s very challenging and that requires a lot of curiosity and a lot of boundaries and techniques and tools that I’ve learned over the years of really allowing myself to have space so I can see more clearly about what is theirs and what is mine and how can I be curious with them.

Polly Mertens: 16:42

In some instances. I shared some stories with you earlier about. My brother has an illness currently and you know I’m dialoguing with him quite a bit and I want to create space and be there for him, but also making sure that he has his own experience and I’m very like you know, I can’t change that for him. I can’t. I can’t. Come in and believe me, I wish I could fix that right. Or with a child, I wish I could. I don’t want my children and grandchildren to suffer, but I see them having challenges and suffering. Help them get curious and maybe be there as part of a conversation, holding a space without taking on that emotional load. It’s tricky.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:33

Well, and I think it would be helpful because I love how you’re giving the general example Would you be willing to give the story that you were sharing with me before we went on air about how you interrupted the pattern that you noticed in the conversation with your brother? Could you walk us through? I mean, you don’t have to maybe say exactly what he said or you said, but like yeah because I think this is, I mean so, what I?

Samantha Pruitt: 17:49

and as soon as you told me the story, I was like, well, that’s what tony robbins says. Those are interventions, like you know, because the mind gets in a groove, gets, creates a pattern, it goes round and round. And you just went hold up. You know like hold up, wait a minute, what about what about this? And then you know like hold up, wait a minute, what about what about this? And then you know it literally from my work with eating disorders and hypnosis and stuff, this loop, these habit loops, because we literally do our emotions. So if you have this loop of emotions that oh, someone says this, I always feel bad, or I, you know whatever.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:18

Exactly.

Polly Mertens: 18:19

Right.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:20

Yeah, to interrupt that and to not keep going down that road, that well carved path in your brain. You just so tell me what. So tell us, give me an example. How did it go.

Polly Mertens: 18:30

Okay, yeah and this speaks to getting curious, which is really what we’re saying today is like what are some ways you can get curious? So you’re having a conversation in this instance I was having a conversation with my brother who is in treatment for cancer and it’s incredibly painful and it’s a very harsh treatment and so in this particular dialogue, you know he’s sharing with me the amount of pain and the amount of discomfort and the amount of really unknown and fear that lies in that experience and I feel, of course, great compassion for that. But I wanted to open up an opportunity to change his emotional experience, since I couldn’t change his physical experience at that time, right To maybe think about something different. So, interrupting the pattern of that loop around where the conversation was going, you know, kind of in circles around the pain, the experience, what was it feeling like? You know all of that angst.

Polly Mertens: 19:31

And I interjected a thought which is probably seemed a little bit bizarre and extreme at the moment, but it wasn’t. I’m still talking about the human body. So I just asked do you know how long it takes for that part of your body to regenerate itself? The body does regenerate itself on a cellular level all the time, every day, all day long, your muscles, your bones, your tendons eyelashes, your brain, your brain, your tendons, your brain, your brain, your skin organ in your body.

Polly Mertens: 19:57

Yeah, it’s. It’s mind boggling, and if you don’t know about that science, you should learn it, because it will really fascinate you and teach you a lot about your body.

Polly Mertens: 20:04

So I asked specifically about that particular organ and did he know how long it would take to regenerate? And it was just like boom, complete mind shift of what we’re thinking. We’re talking about that Now. We’re thinking about that. That’s weird, but that’s really powerful. That’s incredibly empowering for me to think that I’ll go through this treatment, I’ll come out the other side, but this organ will be able to regenerate itself, and then what will life look like then? How will we feed exactly that process? How do we take power back and generate hope around that and action plan around that? And then, once that happens, what are all the cool things we’re going to be doing? Right, right, what’s all the fun that is waiting around the corner next? So, speaking about your process with Tony Robbins, he calls that what?

Samantha Pruitt: 20:53

Well, interventions and interventions, right, yeah, and so, and I would say, in therapy and you know that’s like a term he does them so powerfully, you know, in the room and in the stage, you know, I mean literally suicide interventions, like he says, who in here came and they wanted to kill themselves and still want to, and he’ll have probably, depending on the size of the room, no less than 10 to 20 people stand up and he will talk with that person in process, you know, whatever, and that person, you know, has a changed life, right, but you know, and and like your brother, you know, so you, you said something that I wanted to kind of touch upon and that’s like, um, you couldn’t help him feel differently, but or you couldn’t help him physically, but you could help him feel differently, and I want to like vote for, actually, I think feeling differently can help you also physically feel differently, right.

Polly Mertens: 21:47

So, like um, it can, as a as a, not a side effect, but uh, the next step in the process. First you have to change this, yeah, and then that changes, yeah. So I guess I didn’t mean I can’t fix that, but I could come in from this other side.

Samantha Pruitt: 22:04

I call them course corrects yeah, well, I’m trying to think about it’s not coming to me the exact scenario, but it’s something along the lines so like if you. It’s kind of like if you’re standing I was trying to think of like a sports analogy but it’s like if you’re standing um, at the 25 mile, you know, glass half full, glass half empty is what I’m trying to get at here. It’s like you’re standing at and you think like, oh, I’m only halfway there to the race, right, and you got 50 miles. Or you’re like I’ve only got 25 miles to go right, like, depending on like, your experience of that is like yes, right, or some people you know, like I know you, and I’ve done this, like, oh, if I could just get to that stop sign.

Samantha Pruitt: 22:46

I’m just going to run to that next stop sign, right, Like right, and then I’ll see how I feel there. And then I’ll see how I feel there, right. And it’s the mental shift in perspective that, like, I love this story because it beams with hope and I think one of the things that curiosity like children and curiosity is wonderment. And I think if we can stay more in a space of open minded wonderment and I love the word possibility there then the mind is not shut down to only what it knows, it is open to unlimited. Right.

Samantha Pruitt: 23:17

And something we talked about off air is how I used to turn the word worry into wonder with my students. You know it was like, yeah, what’s wrong is always available. I’m worried about X. Right, you can give energy to what’s the outcome you don’t want to have happen. That’s all you’re doing with worries. I’m giving energy to the thing I don’t want to have happen. And you can also stay curious and like I wonder, I wonder what could happen here. I wonder what’s the? You can lace that with even more curious words, like I wonder what’s the best thing that can happen here. I wonder what I’ll get to play with it. You know you and I were talking about, like you know, some people in our life right now are going through some, or they make their life harder.

Polly Mertens: 23:56

Let’s say not you know they’re making their life harder.

Samantha Pruitt: 23:59

And we’re like we’re just going to be over here on this mountain with butterflies and curious and right, totally, totally.

Polly Mertens: 24:06

Well, if you think about things that cause anxiety, right, a lot of times people worry about things they have no control over. A lot of times people worry about things they have no control over. So if you’re worrying about something you actually can’t control, I mean you say it out loud. It sounds ludicrous, by the way, right, but a way to take back your power would be to well, what can I affect? What do I have control over? Maybe I should make that list, maybe I should focus on those things.

Polly Mertens: 24:36

So like, if it’s a training, for example, and I’m training for this big, crazy race and I’m going to do this thing, should I just be sitting around every day going, oh my God, what’s going to happen on race day, even though it’s months and months away? Should I just be what’s going to happen and just worry, worry, worry? Or should I get busy doing the work towards things I can affect and impact? How can I navigate this? What do I have control over? What are the things I can do? How can I work on my mindset? How can I work on my physical fitness? How can I work on my gear? How can I work on my nutrition? There’s so many things you can control and put my energy into that and, of course, that’s going to be the more empowered position to be in and that’s going to take the anxiety I might otherwise have and diminish it Right.

Samantha Pruitt: 25:30

You know and it’s one of the things I was picturing as you were saying that it’s sort of like inside your body you have a dial right and so or a meter, let’s call it like we started to say in the beginning of this, like, oh, I deserve to feel good, right, and when we feel off or we feel out of alignment, we feel resistance, negative, worry, anxiety, whatever. Um, we’ve turned that meter down right, and so getting curious, asking, asking questions like could I take this step? You know, it’s like a, you start to feel the release in your body. So I would say the steps, whatever it is for you, because there’s no like, oh, here’s the prescription for getting out of anxiety here. You know it always works. Like this is the one thing one and done, take this pill, you know, never have to worry about it again.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:12

No, it’s like in that moment I would say it’s noticing the dial. When you’re turning the dial in the direction of feeling better, follow that Right. So it’s like, so does sitting around and being concerned about what’s going to happen on race day. How does that make you feel like, okay, would you like to go, you know, study some nutrition things? Oh, yeah, that feels better, okay. Or would you like go, you know, study some nutrition things? Oh yeah, that feels better, okay. Or would you like to, you know, meet with a coach and practice your swim technique? Oh yeah, I would like. I really need to do that, you know, or you know. And so it’s feeling for those curious things inside of you, like the curiosity comes and the answer is inside of you as to what the next step is, or what the best outcome, or what you’re supposed to do, because you’re curious inside yourself, like I wonder how I’m supposed to feel better in this scenario. Now, there’s one and done, but what’s going to get me out of this?

Polly Mertens: 27:03

Yeah, I mean we’re talking about health things. We were talking about thyroid earlier, unrelated to this topic, but what came up for me when you were talking is so if you know your thyroid isn’t working very well, wouldn’t you go learn about the thyroid? And then wouldn’t you go learn about all the other things that impact thyroid health, right? So you would start to get curious around. Maybe a blood test or maybe some other kind of medical exam or something that, even if my foot isn’t okay, like I’m training right now at a pretty high level. So there are parts of my body that are like uh, excuse me, what are we doing? What is that? What’s going on today? What is she going to do next, like you know? So I could just be well, how am I? My foot hurts, but I’m going to pretend it doesn’t and go on about grinding out the miles, which ultimately, is going to lead to not only pain, discomfort, but anxiety around. What if I have an injury? What if this derails my training? What if this happens on race day? Blah, blah, blah. Instead, I’m not going to do those things, because that would absolutely take me into a tailspin of misery and anxiety, but I’m going to say huh, let me go check out what’s going on with my foot. I’m going to dig in there. I’m going to start working on it. Maybe I’ll get someone to look at it. I’m going to do a little bit of homework around. How does the foot function and what are some common running or cycling foot issues? And you know, I’m going to go down this crazy train of curiosity.

Polly Mertens: 28:34

And you and I are also hilarious. We read a lot, we listen to podcasts. We are curious so much about the world and, in particular, our bodies and brains and how they work within ourselves and within other humans. But there’s so much information and so many resources out there. To me it’s fun. Information and so many resources out there To me it’s fun. Yeah, like that, curiosity has created a very different lifestyle for me. That’s incredibly rewarding and fun. Every day I take some kind of information in. I know I share a lot of it with you. Like, check this new podcast out, check it out, but I feel like I need to send it to everybody who’s listening. If you’re on the journey of learning about yourself. There’s so much joy there. So curiosity leads to joy. Why is that? Is it because you know we’re all kids at heart. What do you think? Why is it so fun to be curious?

Samantha Pruitt: 29:27

Well, you know, I think, as I was talking about that dial, it’s like curious brings answers, it, it brings inner knowing, it allows us to know ourselves better, it allows us to.

Samantha Pruitt: 29:39

I mean, I fundamentally think we’re here to evolve and so I think the way we’re set up and built as these humans is to evolve from birth to the end. And so curiosity, I think, is one of those baked in experiences that we have to create that evolution of the human soul, you know. So I think it feels good because it’s kind of like why is, um, why is uh, the thing that makes babies and perpetuates the species feel so good? Because I think perpetuating the species is what? One of the things that is supposed to happen. Right, if, if, if, if sex and intercourse didn’t feel good to people, they’d be like, yeah, maybe not going to do this, because look at all these lives of you know, all this years of that’s a lot of responsibility, you know, but anyway. So I think you know curiosity is a sign from the universe or something like hey, this, this has something for you, this is what you’re made for, right? And one of the things I was thinking as you were sharing. What you were sharing is we talked about in relationships.

Samantha Pruitt: 30:42

I gave that example of my relationship recently where you know kind of had this like blame game going on and you know kind of bumping up against heads, and I got back, I stepped back and I was curious in the relationship. Right, I was curious about the other person. I was curious, curious what my role was, curious what his role was, and I just I go about the world and you know, I told you, um, and maybe I’ll share this story about my dad, maybe I’ll share that story. So, um, and this is probably the first time I noticed myself ever doing this and now I do it other times I don’t have a lot of relationship dynamics like this that I interact with very often, where I’m committed to being in a relationship with that person and I know there’s going to be strife, because usually I’m like we got strife, we don’t, we don’t have a bunch of a relationship. I’m like I want to get, I want to hang out with people that I get along with, but anyway, so in this one case, so, with my dad, this is towards the end of his life I had had him living with me and we, you know, we hadn’t lived together for a long time.

Samantha Pruitt: 31:36

But you know, love my dad and so I had him living with me, moved into a house and I said, hey, dad, don’t let the cats out, because there could be coyotes in this particular area. I’m concerned. You know, let’s leave him in the house for a while. We just moved here, let’s do that and that and a couple other little like house cleaning things. Like he’d leave you know breadcrumbs on the countertop after he made a sandwich, you know a little whatever dishes in the sink. But then the cat thing.

Samantha Pruitt: 32:02

I’d find myself yelling at him, like it freaked me out that my cats could die and I would come to him and I’d be like, why the hell? Like do you not, you know kind of thing. And then I stepped back and I’m like I’d go in my room and I’m all, oh my God, I feel like I’m my dad’s mom. Why am I yelling at my dad? I feel like his mom and I went wow, that’s interesting. I was like what’s going on there?

Samantha Pruitt: 32:26

And I went and so I processed that and I thought about it and I was like you know what my dad grew up in, a childhood where he was yelled at a lot. He had a very yucky disciplinarian upbringing. From what I heard and I was like you know what? That’s what he knew. That’s what he knew was he was a bad child. He was a bad boy, right.

Samantha Pruitt: 32:46

And so what helped me and this may or may not be true, not here to ask him, but I just started to understand my dad still thinks he’s a bad child. My dad’s still walking around like he’s a bad boy and he’s making mistakes and he’s doing things wrong, so he’s going to, like, create those situations right. So I understood him better in that moment and so when he would do things that seemingly seem like why are you doing this? I went, oh, he’s being a bad child, okay. And I didn’t, I didn’t trigger me, I didn’t get, I didn’t lose my shit, I didn’t yell at him, I was like I felt better. Just understanding him. Right didn’t mean it was right, I wasn’t always appreciating it, but I was like and it actually started to dwindle, I would just say the things that he started to do, because I wouldn’t come at him like this, he couldn’t get that arousal out of me, it wasn’t there.

Polly Mertens: 33:37

So, anyway, we make up these stories right when we’re out and about in the world, and that’s all of us.

Samantha Pruitt: 33:44

Often yeah, every day, and there’s.

Polly Mertens: 33:48

If you think about it, it’s sort of remarkable. We’re out about in the world. Okay, all of us are sharing this world at this moment, at this time on this planet, in this. It’s just bizarre, okay. And so here we are, we’re bumping into each other all day long, all day long. And yet when we come into this shared moment, we come from vastly different experiences. We were born in different places at different times, we’re different ages, we have this entire DNA genetic. I mean, it’s just so bizarre. And then we think, not only our genes everything’s so different there but our entire life’s journey up until that moment.

Polly Mertens: 34:32

I’m 55.

Polly Mertens: 34:33

I bring everything with me to this conversation, all 55 years of shit, storms and whatever.

Polly Mertens: 34:41

And then we have a moment together, a conversation and whatever, and we think, for some reason, when that happens and it doesn’t go well, we make up these stories about the other and about ourselves in that moment, because we’re trying to understand and navigate gracefully Some of us are doing a much better job than others, by the way, at this Navigate gracefully through these exchanges, altercations, miscommunications, all of this stuff, you know. But it’s sort of hilarious if you think that, okay, how can I not just pause for a moment and get curious, rather than leap into a story. Get upset, start yelling or worse, walk away and have a story that follows us into the rest of our life right, taking that experience negatively on physically and emotionally, and then walking away. It becomes a wound, you know, a small T, trauma or whatever. There is no way any of us can possibly understand each other very well, even my spouse after 26 years. Okay, I’m telling you half the time I go, well who in the hell is that and what is he talking about?

Polly Mertens: 35:57

and I share an experience with you where this week that we were, something was going on and he said something. I was like what, the I know who you are right now, what? And my immediate response was it was a political thing. And I was like, no, I was going to get all crazy. And then I was like, ok, let me just take a breath and then understand and can you explain. And then I just misinterpreted what was said.

Polly Mertens: 36:28

But because there’s so much political chaos happening right now, you know, we’re all like fired up about everything, yeah. And I was like, oh, get a grip. I was talking to myself, get a grip, you know. But it was good for us to be able to have a conversation and then realize that that’s not what he meant to say, that’s not what I heard, like all of the things weren’t even true. And you can laugh about it in hindsight, yeah, but if I wasn’t curious, a curious person, I wouldn’t have gone back to ask hey, you said this thing and it made me kind of cray cray. So I’m coming back to have a conversation and that’s where I was going to point out is like people shut down they blame.

Samantha Pruitt: 37:07

Yes, they shut down, they shut down. Oh, he’s wrong. What are they talking about? They make wrong the other person Instantly. That opinion does not match mine. Or they’re instantly wounded Well, they’re instantly wounded. Well, they’re that. Yeah, so they. They put the freaking, you know, put the walls up. That person is wrong. They should be pun it.

Samantha Pruitt: 37:26

Whatever, you know, like they, they just and they’re out to get me depending on if it’s in a close relationship, the space of resentment starts to build because they just hold on to it or whatever, and it’s like, oh what if I just spend a moment and go? Well, I wonder why you said that. You know you’re, you know. At first you were like hold on, wait a minute. I know you don’t think that, but then it was. You had a misunderstanding of what he was saying or you know so.

Polly Mertens: 37:49

I had a curiosity when did that crazy sentence come from? Did that come from your brain and mouth? Do you really think?

Samantha Pruitt: 37:56

that Wait a minute. How did you put those thoughts together?

Polly Mertens: 37:59

No doubt, so, yeah, so it boils down to getting curious and being curious about yourself, about others and then, ultimately, about the world that we live in. Yeah, right, yeah, it’s a very complex and I think if you really take time, make time for being curious and you nurture that as a trait, it’s a core value of ours. But if you nurture it as a trait within you, it eventually will become a core value. It will be how you operate in the world. You were telling me about a story showing up at a job site this week on a project you’re managing and here’s contractors flying around and this whole house is getting remodeled and there’s all these different people running around doing things. And you have this way of being in a space like that, especially as a project manager. You know there’s all these different personalities and all these different tasks and timelines and money and things of showing up curious. You know working with each of the individuals. You want to share that experience.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:55

Well, you know, as you’re saying that, so maybe I’ll tell that story, but as you were saying that, I was like curious and open.

Polly Mertens: 39:02

And open yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:03

Yeah, because it’s like when I started to like recognize in relationship how we close, you know we close off our heart, right, we want to protect, we think we’re protecting ourselves, we think we’re protecting ourselves, which is actually the opposite. But yeah, you got to go through a lot of therapy to get that, but hopefully you got that. But yeah, so it’s this openness of the heart that you and I like the world’s not out to get us.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:27

No other people aren’t misbehaving, um, I just don’t understand all the time. If I can have an open hearted conversation with them and understand, I won’t necessarily always agree. Open-hearted conversation with them and understand, I won’t necessarily always agree. We can just understand each other. It’s about me staying open, me staying curious about myself or possibility. You know we talked to some things about you know what about in religion, or what about our bodies or whatever. Just having an openness to staying open, like having an openness to possibility, to curiosity, to childlike wonderment, to yes in the world instead of no, you wrong the other, that kind of thing.

Samantha Pruitt: 40:04

So on the job site, so I was working with someone who was taking over from that person being project manager and I was going to be project manager and, I guess, their MO. I hadn’t really seen how they operate in the world, but I do know a little bit that this person tends to kind of sling a hard stick, let’s say and so we show up because we’re doing the transition. This is the first meeting with this contractor and that person was the previous contact and I’m like, hey, I’m going to be the new contact. And I was like, cool, I’ll just say it, it was a story about gutters, right. So this guy shows up at the job site and I knew just from talking to him a little bit on the phone before. I’m like this guy knows what he’s talking about. I’m like can’t wait to see what we’re doing. Gutters, have fun. Look, what are we going to do here? You know I was like where are we going to put the gutters on this one, I wonder. You know, I wonder what’s going to happen here, right, and so I just went like hey, you’re kind of the expert I’m here to you know, share anything that I have, or whatever.

Samantha Pruitt: 41:09

And after the, you know, we walked around with this guy and it was a very pleasant experience and I was like, yeah, so that’s your bid and let’s keep going and have the conversation. And she’s like oh, you’re so like nice to the contractors. And I was like I don’t have any reason not to be nice to these people. You know, it’s like unless somebody is out to get you, which I just don’t believe in the world most people are that way. Sure, there are some, and you’ve got to find your own inner compass to navigate when you are facing that kind of a person. But I go through the world like people are good.

Polly Mertens: 41:40

Exactly, another core value. Yeah, yeah, another core value. If, at your core, one of your values is everyone’s out to get me and the world is evil, first of all, turn the news off right now. Please do yourself a favor. Turn the news off, because that’s what they want you to believe. Right, right, and even most of mainstream movies and tv shows is everybody’s getting killed and robbed and all the things are happening.

Samantha Pruitt: 42:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah so fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. News is just feeding like if you want a fear sandwich, oh go listen to some. You know mainstream media news and because, uh, and I don’t, I don’t choose to live that way. I live in a world you know. Einstein said, you know, the fundamental question is do you believe that the universe is benevolent? Or, basically, you know and not his words, but is it out to get you like, do you believe that the universe is good or do you live in one that’s not so good? And if you answer that question one way or the other open, not open, right you’re gonna have a very different experience of life right.

Polly Mertens: 42:47

Well, we have to double click on something for a minute that people maybe have not given thought to, even though we preach things around. This theme quite often is what you are exposed to on the daily, what is going into your ears podcasts, music, radio- whatever you hang around with TV people you hang around with at the water cooler or in your household or whatever.

Polly Mertens: 43:12

If that coming into you is that fear based, everything is dangerous, criminal, this or that or whatever. Please do not think for a second that that will not impact who you are in the world. And if that’s who you want to be in the world, by all means stay tuned into that channel. That’s who you will be. That’s what your life will become. If you don’t want to be that person, you need to turn it off and say goodbye to that.

Samantha Pruitt: 43:42

And anybody listening to the Everyday Awesome Project. I have a feeling if they clicked on this, they know better, they know what’s good for them. I mean, maybe we don’t always, you know, sometimes people dip into it, but if you’re tuning into Everyday Awesome Project, you are in for good juju in your own body and in your own life. And I’m hope, from the way that we tell our stories and the message that we seek to most with our truth, share is like awesome all the way. Like like people are good, You’re good, you know, just want to give you a big old hug, like all is well, there’s nothing bad going on here, right, like stay curious, like childlike. Okay, let’s give them the bottom line what’s, what’s the? I’m sort of giving the one thing, but what’s the one thing? One thing.

Polly Mertens: 44:30

I mean, for me the one thing is definitely be curious, because that’s where joy is at. Curious because that’s where joy is at, and I believe that joy is there because connection is there. So for me the curiosity is joyful and I feel that joy because I feel more connected to myself and others through that curiosity. So that’s what it is for me.

Samantha Pruitt: 44:56

Well said, well said. So we hope that you, listening to this, are taking away, you know, a question for yourself. What is something you could ask yourself on the daily? Or you know, like mine is one of mine. When I get into I see resistance. I’m like, oh, this shouldn’t happen, like something unexpected. I’m like I wonder what’s trying to happen here. You’ve heard me say that before you know. Like I wonder’s trying to happen here. You’ve heard me say that before you know, like I wonder.

Samantha Pruitt: 45:24

So can you use a word like I wonder? Or can you use like oh, I want to remember to stay curious, or if I could be more childlike, or if I could be more open, or what else is possible, right? Or by you and Katie, you know, is that true, right? Whatever words you want to choose, we hope you’ll take something away with this. You’ve got some notes and nuggets for yourself that something can impact your life. So that openness to the world, that lack of resistance like hey, world, let’s talk, let’s hang out, I’m open to you. You can stay in that position.

Polly Mertens: 45:48

Yeah, yeah. And I want to say, if they’re experiencing anxiety or feeling anxious about something, that by being curious and having a conversation with the other or with somebody like a coach or you know, we have a relationship where we can talk to each other. Hopefully they have someone like that, um it, having a conversation to open up the curiosity and exchange will help them explore deeper. And if that’s not available, then maybe writing it down, you know, why do I feel this way? First of all, what does it feel like in the physical body, emotional body? Why could I be feeling this way and how can I maybe ask myself questions, probing, or someone can probe for you so you can uncover that there’s another way.

Samantha Pruitt: 46:36

Yeah, yeah, very good, very good. All right, my dear. Well, this was very curious and fun, so what do we want to leave them with? Are always phrases to remember. Well, I feel like we haven’t said it all in this episode. A few times.

Polly Mertens: 46:52

I feel like they should be saying it to us by now.

Samantha Pruitt: 46:54

Okay, shall we listen. Do you hear it?

Polly Mertens: 46:58

Can you hear it? How your life, how your life feels is more important than how it looks.

Samantha Pruitt: 47:03

Right and every day is your opportunity to find her awesome. Yeah, I think they got it.