Polly Mertens: 0:23

Hey superstars, welcome back Polly and Samthana Pruitt.

Samantha Pruitt: 0:27

What’s up?

Polly Mertens: 0:27

beautiful humans, hey you guys, we have a start of this episode. So if you’ve clicked on this and you’re listening to this, this is about, you know, fueling your fire after like, pain, grief, loss, and this Pruitt is a wonderful counterpart to be able to play with in the world and I have the ability to text with her on the daily. And she sent me something yesterday and I think it’s just a wonderful entree I want to read to you guys. Then have her share what it is. I think she goes this is Samantha. I’ll take these all day long.

Polly Mertens: 1:01

So she sent me a message that says daily I talk to, text with and reflect on two people I love deeply, both fighting for their lives, good humans who deserve more. I see my mother in law at her near finish line, only able to take the smallest steps in a fast shrinking world. Now I see my beloved slowing down and shifting towards a smaller world, by choice as well, losing his sense of contribution to the world. I see people in the workspace playing games and limiting their own success out of fear and control. So many messages daily that are triggers of lack, insecurity, confusion and fear, and so many messages that are also opportunities as well to do it differently and to choose to say no out loud to the choice of suffering.

Polly Mertens: 1:47

I’m using these painful messages as fuel for the fire to live Boom, she said. To become, to evolve, to use my own healthy body and mind to create impact. To never give up on me. When you sent that to me, I was never give up on me. When you sent that to me, I was like write that down, put that in a post somewhere, get that, get that down, don’t let that, just, you know, get lost. So what was going on for you.

Samantha Pruitt: 2:18

What’s, what’s behind all this? Share with us. Yeah, the stories People are getting a glimpse into my brain. You’re used to it. There’s just a lot going on, as I said, in that message to you, that personal text to you, and really what I was experiencing at that moment was me having to, and choosing to willingly take a lot of things that are going on in my space right now, in my life, in deep personal relationship, actually in every other lives in my life and how I am witnessing and experiencing, feeling about it, emotionally processing, and then I, how I am choosing consciously to actively take these things and turn them into fuel.

Samantha Pruitt: 3:05

Because I could very easily and I am battling in some instances, you know, with falling into these abyss moments, with humans who are suffering, with people who are not doing well, with people who are choosing to surrender in many cases or to make poor choices or just to watch people I love suffer by no choice of their own, and how am I going to be there for those people as well, hold space and be present and be engaged in their experience, without me myself also choosing a disempowered way of being in that suffering? So really, the suffering magnitude building mounting and then me choosing to say I’m going to use this consciously as a fuel source for my own personal purpose, my own mission and what I’m up to in the world. Because I see how life is very frail and delicate and very short and very fleeting, and I want to make the most out of the time I have left on this beautiful planet and I want to contribute in a big way. So I need to get busy.

Polly Mertens: 4:29

And I think that’s what we’re up to largely with this platform that we have here, and why we get together and we spend time together and we share conversations, we share rants, we share musings, we share guests, whatever it is is to help people remember to get up to the living of their life right, Like it’s happening in the now, Like I heard this recently, that was like, oh, that’s amazing. It’s like you know what is in the present. Actually, your breath is in the present. You can’t breathe yesterday and you can’t breathe tomorrow. You can only breathe right now.

Polly Mertens: 4:55

Wow, I’m like whoa, that was good, Right, and so what are you paying attention, All these things? So I want to add something. As you were talking, you and I shared a moment just before because I want to have you elaborate on some of these conversations and what it’s going on inside of you, this so there’s a fable some people want to attribute it to a Native American story of a grandson and his grandfather are sitting somewhere and talking and the young boy says to his grandfather you know, grandfather, I have this, this anger, and this, this. You know this energy inside of me, this, this, like this wolf inside of me. That is just, you know, this negative energy of force, anger. You know that kind of a force. And he says but but I also have this force for good inside of me. You know it wants to support people, it wants to be compassionate towards people, the energy, you know, like to see the best in possibility, right, and he’s like grandfather, what do I do? What you know? What do I do here? Which one is right? And he’s like grandfather, what do I do? What you know, what do I do here? Which one is going to win? That’s like this, this battle going on inside of me.

Polly Mertens: 6:09

And the grandfather says, the one will win is the one you feed, and I was thinking, as you said, fuel for your fire. It’s like you’re feeding your fire, right, so you alone are feeding the choice inside of yourself. Like I mean you telling me the story of what’s been going on for you the last 30 days, 60 days of not only your I mean amazing personal journey on your Ironman journey. You know you’re a few months in and stuff’s getting real and it’s getting harder and you’re fighting temperatures and all you know. Remember when your coach she wants you to do it this way and you’re like, hey, wait a minute, Right. So all this Samantha journey, personal life journey, Right. And then you tell me about your hemisphere, like the, the atmosphere that is around you between you know your, your family dynamics, your husband and his mom and your work situation and all these things. Like, girl, how are you? Where does it come from? What can you share with people? Maybe tell one of these stories or, you know, tell us about how you’re turning that into fuel.

Samantha Pruitt: 7:15

Well, I guess for me, I want to live a life that has meaning, so I choose what that meaning is, and you and I also had this conversation right. Like you, can choose to make things that are going on in your environment, around you, circumstances sometimes tragedy and loss and grief, of course and you can assign meaning to them in whatever way you so need to. And you know I have a lifetime of experiences just like you two you do of grief, loss, challenge overcoming, and many times we’ve been faced with these circumstances before and sometimes they swallowed us whole and we went drowning into those waves of grief you call them, we’ve drowned, we’ve drowned there and you know, eventually, luckily, we bubbled up and we got chances to do it differently. But also you can choose to not drown in those instances and to take those circumstances and utilize them for really a superpower, if you want. So, just using my Iron Woman journey right now, there’s no doubt I have crystal clear clarity and fire around the fact that I am every day doing an absurd amount of physical activity training for this race, and it doesn’t get easier at age 55, by the way. So I am putting in the damn work and it’s hot, it’s 110 or whatever, whatever.

Samantha Pruitt: 8:49

But I have two people I love dearly, my brother and cousin, who are both battling cancer right now and I’m also in connection with them daily and understanding their journey and want to contribute and support them in any way I can, to contribute and support them in any way I can.

Samantha Pruitt: 9:07

So as I watch them basically fighting for their lives, in this instance, I say to myself I will utilize that as a way to fuel my own suffering, if you will, a different kind of suffering altogether.

Samantha Pruitt: 9:17

But it’s a privilege for me to be able to do this physical activity, to be able to push myself to my physical limits, to be able to do this physical activity, to be able to push myself to my physical limits, to be able to really engage my mental strength and resiliency in those moments of training. And so, even when it’s totally horrible and miserable out there, I still feel incredibly grateful and I feel empowered because I feel I am not. I feel I am literally doing these activities for them out of honor, out of respect, out of capability, out of possibility, out of just. I feel like I’m putting strength and energy into them when I do that and I share with them what I’m doing and they share with me what they’re doing and it’s really remarkable actually. But I feel like it’s really remarkable actually, but I feel like they’re there on the journey with me.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:08

They will be yeah Right, they will be Wow, and that’s so powerful.

Polly Mertens: 10:11

Wow.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:12

And you know, many times I’ve also been overwhelmed and had to come, you know, to the moments of like I also want to just say screw it. This is not important right now. I should. This should not be a priority for me. I should not take time and effort and energy and resources into that. I should go and beat with them or I should be contributing some way to something else Like I. You know it’s it emotionally is a bit of a roller coaster. It’s a wave, there are waves, but I’m surfing the waves.

Polly Mertens: 10:40

Yeah, you know. And one thing, as you were starting to say that last little bit is like waves, yeah, you know. And one thing, as you were starting to say that last little bit is like some people would say, oh, ironman training, I’ll put that on hold, I will go and be by their bedside, kind of moment, right, like that’s more important. This is the way I will serve, and maybe that’s right. You know, everybody has to choose for themselves, but personal choice, what I love is what I’ve heard you say, because you’ve told me about, you know, the journeys that they’re on and the struggles that they have on the daily. You know it’s not comfortable. They’re having treatments, they’re, you know, not feeling so great and that’s probably going to get a little bit worse before it gets better here, right. And so you’re interacting with them also Right, interacting with them also right.

Polly Mertens: 11:22

So you’re out here on these training rides, sort of like being the champion and the warrior, to bring them the fire, the energy that you got, like you’re like my body is whole, complete and amazing. Still, I’m going to just not push it to its limits, but I’m going to push it to its potential, if you will. And how can I support them from, you know, from afar, not like put that on the on the shelf and go just sit by their bedside. Instead, I will use what I’m up to to inspire. What are you doing Right? Cause you were telling me that you know it’s like, oh, cause, you know some of it is like they can reflect on the pain in the body, or all the doctor’s appointments, or you know how much longer do I you know, you know all this like mind spinning that can start to happen and you’re like, hey, what are you doing today, right? So tell me about that.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:10

Yeah, it’s super fun, like one day, um, I, my brother, is a big cyclist too and it was so cool because he got on his bike and was on his bike trainer in the garage getting a sweat on it for 20 minutes or 15 minutes or whatever it was. It’s like it was a huge moment. It was a massive moment, you know. But tell him the backstory, cause he hadn’t been no, he hadn’t been at all, he hadn’t been at all for months and months and months Cause he hadn’t been feeling good. And then there was a misdiagnosis and eventually a diagnosis. But he got re empowered at getting back on the bike, which is something he loves dearly, greatly. It’s a massive part of who he is in the world because of our engagement and just talking about it.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:50

So basically, how I liken these experiences I’m having with these two people I love battling cancer is we’re warriors, we’re at battle together. I’m on the field with them. They’re battling every freaking day. I’m on the field with them. They’re battling every freaking day. Beyond comprehension. What people who have a diagnosis have to deal with. It’s beyond comprehension to me. So how can I be there and make sure they know I’m there on the battlefield with them in the arena. I am a warrior, they’re a warrior. What are we doing today? We’re going to battle. What does it look like? What’s their day? Look like? I share my day. We get fired up, we make crazy jokes, you know, we cry together, we laugh together. It’s awesome and that is how I’m choosing to do this.

Polly Mertens: 13:36

And tell me how this differs from when you were diagnosed with celiacs many years ago, right when you were like, you had your own diagnosis. Like holy crap, what is this? Right? What was the first? You know? Hey, you should go to this meeting. How did that go?

Samantha Pruitt: 13:50

Yeah, that’s another example of like how we can choose, how we can choose to become empowered around our illness, our diagnosis, around our grief, around our loss. You know we’ve both lost many people. We continue to lose people that we love and in my instance, with my diagnosis with autoimmune and you have kind of a similar story, oddly enough. But you know they sent me to a meeting as a newly diagnosed autoimmune person and you know you’ll get the resources you need in this meeting. You should go in there. And I mean, I’m 30 years old and I roll into this meeting and all of the people in the meeting literally look like they were knocking on death’s door. Half of them were in wheelchairs, people were.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:39

It was so depressing. I literally walked in there. I was horrified, my eyes just blew wide open and I walked out of there and never walked back because I said to myself that is not my life. I will not those people if that’s their, I’m not judging them. I’m just saying for me that was not going to work. I needed to be empowered. I needed to find resources and people and places and things that would allow me to feel a sense of not control but empowerment over what I could do what was possible for me, how I would redefine my body, my brain and my life, moving forward, not just signing up for somebody else’s concept of what that was going to look like.

Polly Mertens: 15:25

You know. So what I got out of your story just now, as you shared, was I saw you coming to this why in the road you walked it. So you’re walking on one path that brings you into this meeting, where people are not looking like vitality in life and expression of, like recovery, and here’s how amazing it can be to have this and win at it. Instead, it’s here, if you so choose. Choose, you can come down the road with us toward death’s doornail or whatever. And you, I heard you say I was not going to let that define me. I was you know what, and you created, you started to create the why in your path, your potential, your future, your body, your mental, the way you would design your life, what you would be able to do or not do, right. So if you had stepped into that room and the meaning in that moment you said is wow, I guess this is what’s ahead for me, or I guess this is all there is, or you know one-.

Samantha Pruitt: 16:22

It’s a surrendering to somebody else’s definition of your life, your body, how you will be, what your life and story will be. Whose story is this Girl, right?

Polly Mertens: 16:37

Okay, that is every moment, every day, every relationship, every job we take, every, every, every, every, everything. Whose life is this? Who is this going to define me? What do I have to say about this? And when we turn over that control, when we surrender that to oh, I guess it’s. You know, that’s a choice, it’s a handing it to one direction. This could go in and you’re like, uh-uh, I’m not, I’m not handing those goods over that quickly.

Polly Mertens: 17:06

Yeah right yeah and so it’s, it’s absolutely, it’s absolutely, and you know, I think, what you are for these people. One of the things we talked about is is, who are you surrounding yourself with? Because the doctors will give you, you know, a description and here’s what you’re going to do and this is how it’s going to look for you. But there’s plenty of stories of people who have miraculous, miraculous recoveries or that, you know, never seen before type of thing, because they believe differently than that doctor’s frame of mind. Right, and what you’re offering your friends, it sounds like, is hey, I’m over here championing for life and vitality. Lean into this, lean into the right.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:45

Yeah, and I’ve had many people in my life um have cancer and battle cancer and some of them are alive and thriving and some of them are no longer with us. I mean, my mother died of cancer. She had cancer twice in my lifetime and plenty of friends. So I’ve been on that journey in particular up close and personal, like in treatment rooms with people doing all the things, and I’ve seen a lot of different outcomes and it’s going to be different for everybody.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:12

But I think what we’re saying today is whether it is a diagnosis or it is a loss you know a grief cycle around some loss you do have the power and the authority over your own story and how you will choose to make meaning and possibly purpose in a positive way out of these experiences, because life is freaking hard, it’s full of shit. I mean, it’s nonstop. You and I have lost many people in the last couple of years. It’s sort of mind boggling right, like every time we turn around there seems to be a new discovery, almost, of somebody that we’ve lost and like for us, that’s been a significant source of fuel for ourselves and our collaboration to get busy doing the work in the world, having to devote you know, devote time, energy and resources that we have into creating impact for humans. It’s what we want to be doing. It’s who we are in the world, and we understand that this is not a long-term project. This life of ours.

Samantha Pruitt: 19:23

You know it’s, it’s got a time cap people.

Polly Mertens: 19:26

Yeah, you know I want to also insert here before I take us in another direction. One is I was, so we interviewed on the pod, or I’ve interviewed her actually in one of the episodes that I led with Lisa Kowalski, who was on our podcast earlier this year.

Polly Mertens: 19:40

Amazing human being, fit gal. You know all this good stuff, all this good stuff so, and I had shared with you with her story. Her mother and father were on vacation and her dad, I think, suffered a heart attack forgive me I don’t remember exactly what and died right in front of his mom on vacation, right. And she was a young girl and, you know, saw her mom from that point forward fall into I’ll just say doldrums. This isn’t easy work, but not necessarily what it was, but it was not. She didn’t bounce back from it. I’ll just say doldrums this is an easy word, but not necessarily what it was, but it was not. She didn’t bounce back from it. Let’s just say that it marred her life, her outlook on things. He was my husband, that’s all I was, you know, kind of way. And surprisingly, lisa was on vacation with her husband.

Polly Mertens: 20:26

Many, you know, fast forward many years later in her own life, her and her husband on vacation, four-year-old son is back in the US. They’re overseas. Sad story husband actually dies in her arms. You know, and she’s witness to that, and you know you have a choice right. She had a choice in that moment. She’s like she saw what her mom did and she said no, this doesn’t define me, you know, she’s like I have a four-year-old son at home. Somebody has to be strong for him. And it made her stronger, so much stronger.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:53

Right, and you can hear about her story in that other podcast, but just and we’re not saying she didn’t grieve, oh right, of course it was incredibly traumatic. She felt powerless, she couldn’t save him. She was literally there when he was dying, on the side of the road. They were in a bike event and but she decided to assign different meaning to that loss, to that grief. It ignited something within her that is just a superpower almost now in terms of how she is a mother, leads her life. Yeah, she’s got that ring that is a combination of his wedding ring and hers and titanium, or something like that.

Polly Mertens: 21:35

Yeah, and it’s like her superpower.

Samantha Pruitt: 21:38

I mean mind blowing, mind blowing.

Polly Mertens: 21:42

Right. And the contrast I want to introduce is I had another dear friend who lost her husband at a young age I would say maybe he was 44. I think he was younger than that, even 40 to 44. And he passed away and five years later I observed her in her life and she’s having emotional detachment, emotional disassociation disorder right now. So there was periods of drugs and alcohol, just suffering and the loss, and you know, I kind of figured, okay, it would take a few years.

Polly Mertens: 22:12

You know kind of go through the waves of grief. I mean my gosh. You know they were kind of soulmates and all that stuff and whatnot and it just kind of destroyed her right. You know, and we talked about those waves of grief, like it just is drowning her right and she has not bounced back. She’s still and I don’t know her future, she’s still a young woman, so we’ll see what her future holds. But you know, two women who lost their special someone in their life. One makes an empowered meaning, says I will get stronger from this, gives herself steps, and you know, both go through grieving. I’m not saying, like you said, thatisa didn’t go through grieving and loss and all that. Of course one let it drown her and is kind of she’s in the throes of it still five years later and consumed by it. Don’t know where that’s going to end, and lisa’s like yet standing on the shoulders of what that meaning was right and it’s. It’s that choice, and so you know what is what do we make meaning of it right?

Samantha Pruitt: 23:12

so something I think everybody has these, by the way. Right, everybody has this. At some point there is tragedy, at some point there is loss, at some point there is grief, at some point there is illness. I mean, we’re human beings, these things. Things are inevitable.

Polly Mertens: 23:31

And the thing I think you and I at the root of this, we’re not here to offer advice on grief, counseling or how to, you know, feel better or you know how to move through that. There’s definitely ways through that. Grief is a um and loss and I don’t even like the word loss because I feel like when you lose something then you can’t find it and instead I think, if I choose to use the words, you know they made a transition, because then I can still have connection with them and in my beliefs I still very much am connected to the energy of all the people that have made their transition. You know I don’t see them as a physical body, but I connect with them very much.

Samantha Pruitt: 24:08

Mine visit me out on the trail in animal form, and I’ve always had that, even since I was younger.

Polly Mertens: 24:12

Well, I was just. You know, that’s funny, you say that, so I wrote down as notes so, like I was like who are all the people? You know, the list of people that have made their transition? My dad passed away in 2011. And the meeting that I made I forget quite how it happened, but it was like a Sarah oh meeting that I made. I forget quite how it happened, but it was like a Sarah oh. Kitty wants to talk to us here. Sorry, I don’t know if you can hear him, but he’s coming in. He might join us on this, on this episode, but my dad came through as a squirrel. That’s awesome and he’s my dad was a lot of joy and laughter and funny and, you know, kind of a jokester and stuff like that. So, like ever since, anytime I see a squirrel which isn’t very often where I live I’m like, oh, there’s my dad, there’s my dad Right, and so we get to choose that.

Samantha Pruitt: 24:54

We get to choose that, of course, and it’s incredibly wonderful when you have that reflection and that emotion and it can stir up, you know, tears and memories and all these things, but we want that. That’s part of the human experience. You know, pretending it didn’t happen or resisting it happening is sticking those emotions inside and trapping them and forcing them down and pretending they’re not there and ignoring them and all of these other things that ultimately manifest in other ways of suffering. They will show up sooner or later. I mean, that’s just kind of how it works. We know that. But we want to really empower people not to make that happen, you know, not to make it wrong, not to make it bad, just to let it be part of who you are and make your own meaning out of it.

Polly Mertens: 25:46

And the other thing that you and I want to help people sort of not wait for the diagnosis, the message from a friend, the passing of a friend, all of that is like get up to it now, like wake the fuck up, right, I mean, that is our ultimate message.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:05

So sorry for all the grief and heaviness the first half, but the second half is like hello, you can’t get time back. You can’t get time back. That goes with spending time and energy resources with people that you love and you want to be with and you want to be connected to. And it also comes from like hello, you, you, what, like, what. Some later somebody’s going to come to me and give me like a, a Disney pass and e-ticket for an extra 10 years and I’m going to get to do the fun shit then. Like what, the? That’s not going to be happening and this body right now can perform. It’s healthy, it’s well, it’s I’m, I’m thriving. I need to take advantage of that gift I have and fully utilize that. And that goes for other passions. You’re you with art and creativity, like really expressing that. Yeah, we don’t know how many doing these things right.

Polly Mertens: 27:02

How many times we see somebody, the diagnosis shows up right or the loss of someone, and then it’s like, oh, it’s too short, I need to do all these things. Like there’s all these things that I want right, and most often the diagnosis has like some news about, like you know, there’s something that’s not functioning well in your body and you’re going to take a step back for a minute or a hot minute, or you know whatever the timetable is, and that’s telling you, well, those things that you wanted to get up to, that you kept putting off for your future, the time was yesterday to start doing them right. And so what we really want to echo in this and just like, if you’re listening to this, you were supposed to hear this and you were supposed to know that. Don’t wait, get up to it now.

Polly Mertens: 27:43

And when I’ve sat with myself and I’ve thought about these things, it’s like it’s surprising. So I’m going to, you know, suggest a question and we answer this question for ourselves. It’s often not these monumental big things that are going to take, you know, millions of dollars to create, or you know, in 20 years, when I’m skinnier, heavier kids are gone. Whatever it is for you, you know, like, no like. You’re never going to be younger.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:10

So the body is.

Polly Mertens: 28:11

You can make your body stronger and healthier, oftentimes, like you and, I think, are better, in better shape than we were when we were in our 30s. But where are you on your journey, right, and wouldn’t it be nice to take a really good look? So I’ll ask you a question is do you know what’s most important to you? Do you know what’s most important to you in your life right now? Have you sat back? So how this looked for me when I got this more so I mean I’ve got this years ago, but I also got this recently is so you know, I do the morning meditations and a lot of times I do gratitude meditations. So I think about so I gratitude meditations, so I think about mem.

Polly Mertens: 28:50

So I close my eyes and I think about this little journey of like three things that I’m grateful for, times in my life, and one of them was when my dad passed away and being there and that whole experience and, you know, being with my kitty and all these things, and what I realized was the things that are in my gratitude moments are not the things that I was also pursuing. So you know, I’ve had this really drive to travel the world and see all these places in the world and fill up my passport and, oh my God, all the places we will go, and I still love doing that Right. Oh my god, all the places we will go, and I still love doing that right. But none of the views, none of the cities that I visited topped my list. Yeah, in in years that I’ve been doing gratitude, it’s never been. Oh, I mean maybe, but it’s never been. Oh, I, I was so grateful to be able to be on that mountaintop alone and take that picture.

Samantha Pruitt: 29:50

That’s not it right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or the promotion, the thing right. A lot of people are attached to the chase of all the things right.

Polly Mertens: 30:02

The vacation, the vacation, the trip, the clothes, the whatever.

Samantha Pruitt: 30:06

And unfortunately that sets the trap that many of us I’ve been in, you’ve been in, many of us have been in, where you continue the chase. So a lot of times I hear from people and I’m sure I’ve said this to myself I’ll get healthy when I have more time. Yeah, right now I’m just too busy. I’m raising these kids. I got a business to run. I’m too busy for getting healthy. I’ll get healthy later. I will, you know, do that investment with my friends, my girls trip, or you reconnect with my old friends from school and whatever all these old relationships that I have, when I have more money.

Samantha Pruitt: 30:43

Right now I can’t afford to. Uh, you know, work is the priority and earning the money is the priority Cause. Then I can, you know, pay the car payment and have the house and do the things right. Like there’s so many rationalizations that we continue to make and it’s because we haven’t asked ourselves that simple question that you just did. How you posed that question is, if we haven’t asked that question and we don’t have great clarity around our life’s values and purpose, how in the hell are we making these decisions every day? Of course we’re going to make decisions that are not going to be on track and then, when the moment hits us and it will, for all of us, it’s something eventually will smack dab you in the face. You’re going to be kind of pissed off about it. So why not do the work now? Do the work now.

Polly Mertens: 31:36

Yes.

Samantha Pruitt: 31:37

Why have regrets?

Polly Mertens: 31:39

I was just going to say you know, regret weighs tons, you know, and, and that old excuse of I don’t have time or I don’t have money or whatever, it’s like the things that are meaningful and they matter to you. If you’re not aware of them, you’d be surprised. So the other thing that I’ve realized is how I could find them in my life already. It wasn’t a someday thing, it wasn’t a oh, I’ve got a bill to get to. Oh, in 10 years, when I’m different, it’s like no, these relationships, these people, the specialness, the magic, the whatever it is.

Polly Mertens: 32:15

If you want to craft, if you want to create, if you want to lay whatever, you’d be surprised how it’s right there Exactly. It’s accessible, it’s closer than you think. But you’ve got to get clear. Do you really do you know what’s really the most important things to you? Do you have a little list? Maybe it’s a top, even if you had a top three or a top five, these you know. So my friend has a top five list and one of them is like eating and drinking with wonderful people. That’s pretty simple. You know eating and drinking with wonderful people. It’s like she can make that happen every week, pretty much Exactly.

Samantha Pruitt: 32:49

She didn’t say gourmet food, she just said it was about the experience, a shared experience. Oh, that’s cool.

Polly Mertens: 32:56

That’s cool, yeah, so I beg you to write that question down and sit with it and answer it for yourself. Do you know what’s most important to you? Because if you don’t, and if you don’t spend any time now getting to know what’s inside of you, right, you’re chasing someone else’s dream. You’re chasing something that someone else sold to you, told you about, you don’t even want, and guess what, when you get it unfulfilling?

Samantha Pruitt: 33:22

Exactly.

Polly Mertens: 33:23

Exactly, and life is these micro moments of meaning and purpose and like. What a joy to stack up in my gratitude moments all these beautiful experiences, Like I’m on the pursuit.

Samantha Pruitt: 33:37

I’m on the hunt for those now. Exactly, exactly. That’s a bank account. Oh, made a deposit, made a deposit, made a deposit. Right, if we get to the end and we have absolutely nothing except we have this treasure trove, this incredible wealth around, these experiences with other human beings and personal growth experiences, what in the hell that’s winning the lottery?

Polly Mertens: 34:01

literally winning a lot about rich, talk about a wealthy life, talk about a life Right. So exactly what I just want to go back to is you don’t need to have a diagnosis a lot you know someone passing away in your life, a big oops or a big, you know interruption. To start making meaning in your life now, to start making memories of your life now, to start making memories of your life right now, to start making what’s most important, most important.

Samantha Pruitt: 34:26

Yeah, and if you’re surrounded by things like I am and that’s what started this conversation, where I’m getting messaged many, many times a day about very heavy, challenging, you know, circumstances all around me I’m choosing to decide their meaning and what that means to my story, how these elements of my continued journey are building my story, and I am choosing to utilize them as fuel for my internal fire to pursue my best possible self, my full potential and, ultimately, my legacy of impact. Right, and that’s an incredible resource for me if I choose to utilize it that way.

Polly Mertens: 35:15

Yeah, yeah. So I hope you’ll take that question and I have another one to introduce, my dear. That is it’s about us, right? So that’s like what do you want your life to be about, like what’s most important out in your life? And another one to reflect on is what is your life about? What is your life about?

Polly Mertens: 35:35

You know, as Gandhi would say, your life is your message and I don’t anybody can answer this completely differently. It’s not here to say, oh, your life has to be purpose-driven and serving the planet and serving your fellow human beings or your family or whatever it’s like. You get to choose, but have you considered even the question? Or are you just going through life and social media and making money and doing things and going on trips or whatever, like the not, and maybe it’s a lot of suffering, maybe things aren’t looking all that you know. It’s not like I’m choosing all the amazingness I’m sitting in, suffering, but do I even know what my life is about? Because even in hard times you can have meaning of what that means for you and who you’re going to be out of that. Am I going to overcome this challenge? Am I going to be a ray of light in the sea of darkness around me, right.

Samantha Pruitt: 36:27

You know it’s. It speaks to me when you said that about how people write their own story and so many people have just decided that life’s happening to them. You know, somehow they got the wrong memo. They’re just passively like having this experience in the body and brain they were given. They’re just like riding on the bus. You know, know where the bus is going. I have no idea who the bus driver is Don’t even know about the guy sitting next to you.

Samantha Pruitt: 36:54

Yeah, exactly, it’s just fascinating and we’ve experienced that on a pretty regular basis and I think, unfortunately, the pandemic a lot of people fell into that trap. So we’re here again for that wake up call of like, okay, this is your story, you’re writing the book. So tomorrow, by the way, you can turn the page and guess what you can write something different. Yesterday sucked, but today, but today different. Yesterday sucked, today, but today I’m crushing it. I am a fricking gold chasing machine.

Samantha Pruitt: 37:26

I like, just like that you can literally write a different story and we laugh about it because it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true, because we’ve done it and we literally know thousands of people that have done it, because the switch flipped right. We empowered each other ourselves, they empowered themselves. We all decided at some moment to do it differently and we started to write the story differently. It’s the same thing Like if you don’t have clarity around these things, what story are you writing? How do you even know? Are you the main character? I mean, it’s your life. I kind of hope you’re at least the main character, aren’t you?

Polly Mertens: 38:05

Yeah, yeah, you know, the big concept that we’re introducing here is living life by default, which is what I was doing for the majority of my younger years. Living by default, you know, like whatever wasn’t shown to me.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:18

I was just surviving girl, I was like surviving.

Polly Mertens: 38:22

And then next that we’re inviting people into is living life deliberately or intentionally, like by choice, like what is your intentional? Living and it doesn’t just happen. You can’t just say I’m living life by design.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:39

You don’t build a house without design, without plans.

Polly Mertens: 38:41

Yes, and first step, you got to know what you want, right, and some of that comes from the contrast of what you’re living and maybe you don’t want that, and some of it may be just opening up your eyeballs and going, oh, that’s amazing, I want more of that in my life.

Polly Mertens: 38:53

I’m not making enough space for that which is already here or is trying to be a part of my life. I’m just overlooking it. Right, it’s acknowledging and going, oh, that’s really the precious moments, you know, when people I know there’s stories I don’t have children, so bear with me but people you know the men will say, oh, I’m off making all this money so I can give my kids a great life, and it’s like and at the expense of being in their life, sometimes right, and so, whatever that looks like for you, is there an important person or people in your life that maybe they’re really the most important thing or they’re what your life is about? And are you sure we all have to? You know where we get to make choices on how much time we spend here or there or where we invest our time, but being deliberate about it, you know, I think jesse itzler, we were talking about him. He’s married to sarah blakely, who’s the founder of the spanx, and you know, they’re just amazing little power couple.

Polly Mertens: 39:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah and they’ve got quite a life they’ve designed. You know with what she sold her company billion dollars or whatever it is. So they’re living a different scale of life. But he’s like um. He posted somewhere on social about how he designs his life, for how much time he spends with his kids and the family and all these things, and it’s, it’s a pie chart. He has a pie chart. Yeah, it’s been non-negotiable for a long time. Yeah, totally, the work time is not the three quarters of his life right, right it’s like a quarter.

Polly Mertens: 40:24

So. So what else in your stories, what else, my dear, can you share with these folks about that’s been going on for you? That is fueling your fire, or is something that people really need to know right now if they are facing either a friend or a family member or they’re just not able to kind of refuel their fire?

Samantha Pruitt: 40:43

I think this idea of when we really want to drive this home, this is at the core of our Everyday. Awesome messaging right is your life is not eternal. Not to again bring it back to negative, but you know, we all have to face our immortality at some at some point, right? So that questioning of, like, how many summers do you have left? And you and I have had these conversations like, hey, we want to get backpacking, we want to do this, we want to do that. Like, as we age, you know those opportunities might become less available to us. We don’t know. So do we have to wait until we have the resources or should we just do it? You know, like it’s it’s a constant sort of conversation that we have with ourselves and with each other and with the people in our lives, like making balance around all of that kind of stuff.

Samantha Pruitt: 41:34

And I’d say for me, continuing to witness. I mean, it really started when I was quite a bit younger. You know, my mom got cancer when I was very young, nine and she was battling that whole lifetime until she passed away at 67. And my dad died young, at 62. So I I watched a lot of people around me waiting right, struggling, struggling, chasing, chasing and waiting to take care of themselves or health, to to have better relationships, to spend more time on things that they love. Waiting, yeah, what in the hell are we waiting for?

Samantha Pruitt: 42:07

And so for me, again this recent you know witnessing of people I love suffering, or people I’m working with, you know behaving badly, or people that I’m experiencing the world just kind of allowing their lives to shrink and be less meaningful, I say hell to the no, like literally it is turned up my volume button so high on the hell to the no I can barely even contain it on the daily because I keep seeing it bumping into it, like I was expressing to you in that text. So for me it’s a constant opportunity. We all have to wake the hell up because I guarantee I’m not the only one getting these messages and for me to take that on as a fuel, source for motivation to get busy doing the things that matter. I don’t take life for granted. I do not take this day for granted. I don’t take this body for granted, how my brain functions, I don’t take any of it for granted.

Polly Mertens: 43:13

I don’t.

Samantha Pruitt: 43:14

And so I’m choosing to make all of that my highest value and where I feel I can have the most impact at the same time.

Polly Mertens: 43:22

You know, and I think something as you were talking that was, I was kind of tuning into what people might be telling themselves or the mind might be saying is well, they can do that, but I can’t, or you know limiting beliefs excuses right, or I’ve got all this responsibility, or I’ve, I’ve set my life up for this way, or whatever.

Polly Mertens: 43:42

So we have no responsibilities at all. Yeah, nothing, yeah, yeah, but it’s, it’s remembering that, like I said a little earlier, it’s like it doesn’t necessarily mean that you, we’re not saying I mean there, there may come a time I hope it doesn’t happen for people that they get the wake-up call and then everything is radically shifted because you didn’t shift it earlier. So it’s like the universe saying, hey, you need to connect with the people that you’ve been ignoring, or yourself you’ve been ignoring yourself, you know, and some of these diagnoses is what that is, is they’ve not been taking care of themselves. And it’s like it doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be 180 degrees of what you’re already living. It might be little shifts, little adjustments, you know.

Polly Mertens: 44:25

So for me, it was just noticing wow, I really enjoy spending time with people instead of traveling off to, you know, or my gratitude moments that really come from those magical moments with people. So I just shifted my lens of where am I focusing my time, where am I focusing my resources? What am I paying attention to? What am I welcoming into my life? You know. So maybe in the past I would have said no to these things. I was like, oh no, I’m too busy, I’ve got to make money so I can go on my next trip, kind of thing. And instead it’s like, oh my God, somebody’s inviting me. Like last night I went to this new women’s circle and it was like oh, okay, you know like a gathering of women.

Polly Mertens: 45:07

You know, I mean that was a big hell. Yes, for me that was not hard to say. Oh, you know, I’m like. Oh, but what are the other things that maybe I’ve said no to? That were?

Samantha Pruitt: 45:13

micro moments that yeah yeah, what are you saying no to? Or what are you saying later to? Later or there’ll be so many more opportunities for those things. I haven’t talked to my old high school girlfriends and you, but we’ll have time. Well, you know it’ll happen. There’ll be a reunion. What in the hell are you talking about? There’ll be a reunion when? How do you even know? And what’s that going to look like? Why would you even say maybe later?

Polly Mertens: 45:46

And I didn’t want to insert a not great story but I think I will share it because it was a bit of a wake up call for me and maybe somebody needs to hear this. So I have a longtime friend. We were probably he’s one of the first people I ever met in San Luis Obispo so long time relationship and we weren’t like buddy buddy, we’d meet every weekend kind of thing. But this is kind of one of those friends. It’s like once a quarter, three times a year, we get a nice ketchup lunch. You know, get a nice two hour or more ketchup lunch, right, and just start the conversation from right where we left off and they were just beautiful and yummy and it’s like what have you been doing? And just like one of those people that for each other we’re just like 100 yes to whatever your life is right. Oh, you’ve got a new relationship. Oh, you got a new job.

Polly Mertens: 46:32

Oh, that one didn’t work out, or it was like you were awesome on each other’s fan club yes, yes, and um hadn’t seen him, you know, during the pandemic hadn’t seen him and stuff like that. And so, coming out of the pandemic, um, it probably been a good six months since I’d seen him and I put off and I said, well, maybe you don’t need to see him for a little bit. Just, there were some excuses that I made and I tell you, within like 90 days he was dead. It shocked me. Not a long-term disease, no warning, not of the age that you would expect it.

Polly Mertens: 47:18

And I was like wow, didn’t get to say goodbye, wow didn’t get to say goodbye, didn’t get to exactly do a last catch-up and you never know when it is exactly. You never know, you never know, you never know when your last opportunity.

Samantha Pruitt: 47:35

That goes for every single one of us.

Polly Mertens: 47:38

All of it.

Samantha Pruitt: 47:39

Every single one of us, you know, and these people that hold grudges and do all these strange behaviors it’s just, you know, so unnecessary. I guess you know this is a big part of you know. Why we want to drive this point home today is maybe you haven’t had these experiences and that’s why we’re sharing a multitude of these stories that feel very heavy and grief and loss. But this is life. This is life.

Samantha Pruitt: 48:09

At some point I will not be here anymore. That’s a real thing and y’all better know what the hell I was about. I better have made some tremendous impact. My legacy better be like a fricking earthquake that doesn’t stop. Okay, I will literally be those little aftershocks forever. I mean, it’s just how it is. I want to be that person in the world, and so me today, on my daily like, gets on about creating that, you know, gets on about doing that kind of impact, and everybody wants that for a legacy. They want to be remembered, they want to have a story told about them, they want to be understood and seen and heard. We all do, and that’s just that can’t happen sitting on the sofa playing video games or walking around with earbuds in as you move about the world, shopping, driving, doing every damn thing disconnected from other humans, or filling your calendar to the max with things that maybe don’t matter or things that you work.

Polly Mertens: 49:24

Yeah, filling your calendar to the max with things that you are not intentional about, that aren’t gonna make a fucking bit of difference. I don’t know, no one’s gonna care so I just want to reiterate these two questions. I would say, you know, if we bring it down to like, towards the end, you’re like what’s? What’s the one thing we want to leave people with? I think these two questions I want to leave them with before we go, unless there’s something else that you I’m good, okay, so I’ll reiterate the two questions.

Polly Mertens: 49:51

first one is do you know what’s most important to you, like, do you really know what’s most important to you? And then, of course, the follow up to that is are you spending time in that, are you investing time in that? And the second is do you know what your life is about and are you designing it deliberately? Are you the intentional creator of your life? And if not, the pen is in your hand. Pick it up, scratch out what you’re doing. That doesn’t add meaning to that story that you want to write and start writing it, and you can do it today. You don’t need these moments or these bangs in the universe of like wake up calls. This you hearing, this is the wake up call that you needed.

Samantha Pruitt: 50:33

A hundred percent, A hundred percent. And some people do need help answering these questions. I mean, we’re coaches so we help facilitate these conversations all the time. Yeah, so we kind of are taking for granted a little bit that that’s just a normal thing we get. For some people this feels really weird and awkward and, by the way, no one’s ever asked them.

Polly Mertens: 50:56

Well, here’s the other thing, too, is they’re like well, if they answer the questions, then what? How do I? How do I make a change? How do I, how do I redesign my life? How do I start living like this Game on Hell? Yeah, that’s what that’s. What coaching is all about is like oh, I don’t want that anymore in my life. This is what I want in my life. Let’s get super crystal clear about it. Start building a life in that direction and never look back, never look back.

Samantha Pruitt: 51:22

Oh yeah, we’re totally in for that.

Polly Mertens: 51:25

So good, so good. Well, you know, as we thought about this, I was like, oh my gosh, this is kind of a deep topic, but I love that we’re ending where we want to leave people with, which is like meaning empowerment.

Samantha Pruitt: 51:38

Yes, yeah, start writing your own damn story, people. Come on, let’s go. Rainbow colored pens, of course.

Polly Mertens: 51:47

Fantastic. All right, sister, all right lovely. What do you want to help them remember? What do you want to remember them about Everyday Awesome Project, what is it?

Samantha Pruitt: 51:55

How your life looks is not as important as how it feels.

Polly Mertens: 52:01

And remember every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.