Polly Mertens: 0:22

Hey superstars, welcome back – it’s Polly and Sam here, what’s up beautiful humans?! We have I would call this a listener-driven topic today, something that you and I both get asked about a lot, and so we’re like let’s talk about it. You know, especially as a athletic coach, that you’ve been for a long, long time. I mean that comes up a lot, and we’re talking about today motivation versus willpower, exactly, yeah. So I think, to start us off, I think one of the most important things is let’s get clear on it, because people lump them together, don’t understand them. Is one, this is one that. So yeah, why don’t you tell us and I have pulled up on my end the Webster’s or Oxford Dictionary of each one of those, but tell me what your take is on those. How would you define willpower and or motivation?

Samantha Pruitt: 1:12

Yeah, and mine are more simplified, user-friendly versions life experience.

Polly Mertens: 1:17

School of life versions.

Samantha Pruitt: 1:19

Totally Willpower. Totally Willpower, basically the ability to resist or overcome things and obstacles that do not move you towards your goals, like what not to do, willpower against what not to do, because those things are not moving you towards your goals Right on. Do you want me to?

Polly Mertens: 1:42

share the book version, or do you want to share the motivation one?

Samantha Pruitt: 1:46

Now let’s go ahead and do the simple versions. Motivation is what to do, so this is just a really easy way for people to think about it. Willpower is flexing the muscles against doing things that don’t move you towards your goals, and motivation is what are the things I should be doing, could be doing, will be doing, to move myself towards the goals. A little more detail would be the desire and the willingness to do things that move me towards my goals. That’s motivation the desire and the willingness to do the things required to move me towards my goals Right on. That’s pretty clear cut people. Now the thing that’s tricky about it is in practice. We need both. We need both. A lot of people will say I don’t have them, as if they’re the same thing and they’re not.

Samantha Pruitt: 2:37

But then, also not realizing that we need both of those things.

Polly Mertens: 2:42

Absolutely, absolutely. Do you want to share more on that? Like when you’ve seen, you know one, you know? Do you have a story of like one? It started with motivation and then it took willpower, you know that kind of a thing. Or when you’ve seen it in practice when? When is a motivation muscle relevant or present and when is a willpower muscle? You know, I’m calling them muscle, that’s just how I sort of think about them.

Samantha Pruitt: 3:09

Because everything’s a muscle. Well, a simple example on the like a nutritional piece would be. You know, I live in a household with other people but I want to eat healthy. There’s unhealthy foods or choices in the house. Do I have the willpower not to partake in those foods versus do I have the motivation to go grocery shopping right now, buy the foods I need for this body and brain, cook them and eat them right? So that’s kind of a way of looking at it too. And again, you need both of those right. We’re not living in bubbles. Or you can say the same kind of analogy with exercise or even work performance In a work environment.

Samantha Pruitt: 3:57

There is plenty of environments that we can all work in that tend to be unproductive and not really allowing us to perform at our best or reach our goals because we’re distracted by all the shenanigans going on. Or, you know, there’s all these distractions now with emails and texts and all the myriad of things, but do I have the willpower to resist the text messages coming through, the distractions of the news or the media or my inbox? That is really, you know, overstimulating me and redirecting my attention? Do I have the willpower? And then, do I have the motivation to set up systems and do practices that keep me in sync with getting the work done. That is important to me.

Polly Mertens: 4:37

Right on Saying focused or, you know, holding your line in the midst of chaos or confusion or interruption or whatever it is, or distraction.

Samantha Pruitt: 4:47

Yeah, one is like a push and one is like a pull. You can think of it that way.

Polly Mertens: 4:51

Okay, I’m going to read you. So these are a couple. So let’s start with motivation. This is an online definition, so motivation, it says, is the. It’s a noun and it’s funny I was listening to taking in other people’s information on this. So one of my favorite gals on willpower is Kelly McConnickle wrote a book called she’s awesome yeah she’s beautiful.

Polly Mertens: 5:13

So the Willpower Instinct is a great book if you wanna. I think she’s done a nice job of bringing the data, the science of willpower, if you will, to the mainstream, so check out that book. But motivation so I’ve listened bringing the data, you know, the science of willpower, if you will to the mainstream, so check out that book. But motivation, so I’ve listened to some and so it’s interesting. Andrew Huberman, who has his own podcast, stanford, you know, scholar and all that stuff, and he was saying he looks at motivation as a verb. He’s like well, it’s the verb that gets you to do the things. If you will, I look at motivation as like the why behind things oftentimes is like you know, like I look at it as like the decision that you already made is your motivator, you know so. Like you made a decision to do or not do X, y, Z, to get up to a new business, to be in a relationship or to change your body or go after something. It’s usually like your why, what are you motivated by? What’s’s behind that? So it says here the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way, and that can be acting or not, acting too, or like doing or not doing right, like I’m an on smoker kind of thing right, so I’m motivated to not do that behavior. It says also the general desire or willingness, like you said, of someone to do something. So those are motivation.

Polly Mertens: 6:27

And if I flip over to this one about willpower and I agree with this one too because it’s doing and not doing willpower shows up right, the ability to control one’s own actions, emotions or urges. Those urges are probably the big one. Emotions are strong too, but the urges as well, because in my work with addiction that got really deep. It wasn’t necessarily emotionally driven, sometimes it was very urge driven, let’s say it developed a lot of that subconscious, underlying stuff. And one of the things I just want to say as we talk about this is, just as we’ve talked in the past about trauma, we say there’s like little t and big t, right, little t trauma, big t trauma, and I this conversation as we were preparing for this we identify there’s big motivation. You know, identity change or you know like you’re taking on yeah that, let’s just call it like big m motivation.

Polly Mertens: 7:21

You know like I want to be a different person. I want this. Let’s say there’s heavier lifting thing like big M motivation. You know like I want to be a different person. I want this. Let’s say there’s heavier lifting thing. Like you know, for me it was when I became a vegan, or when I, you know, stopped my eating disorder, things like that. So the other one, it says, here is a strong determination that allows one to do something difficult. We’ve got a few of those, so that’s willpower and motivation from a technical definition standpoint.

Samantha Pruitt: 7:49

So let’s just touch real quick that it’s not just actions to do a thing like achieve a goal. It’s also how you emotionally process, regulate, regulate what’s happening and make decisions and then then therefore take the actions you know.

Polly Mertens: 8:09

So that’s as well or don’t do or don’t. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally Okay, all right. So, uh, why are we so challenged by these areas in the world, like why?

Samantha Pruitt: 8:19

is this? Why are we even?

Polly Mertens: 8:20

talking about this Like why? Why do we have trouble with this Like? Why are we even talking about this Like? Why do we have trouble?

Samantha Pruitt: 8:25

with this? Well, because we’re human beings, and humaning is really hard.

Polly Mertens: 8:30

Okay, it’s so hard, it’s often changed. We don’t have. We don’t when we’re not challenged by something already because we’re doing it or it’s a part of you know our habits, or whatever. Yeah, like, yeah, I can get up and get myself to go to the bathroom or do this or whatever. It’s like yeah, I’m already doing that. It’s when we want something outside of what we’re currently doing we’re comfortable with right.

Samantha Pruitt: 8:55

And we talk about. We reference this a lot in our coaching that you know people have can have limited capacity depending on what’s going on in their life. And when we use that terminology what we mean is resources, bandwidth, if you will energetically, time, it can be, skills, it can be sometimes finances or support and things like that. They don’t have the capacity to do something different, right. Their battery, if you will, is very low. There’s limited capacity in their container.

Polly Mertens: 9:32

Yeah, and just to touch upon that, when I listen to Huberman’s podcast, I’ll give him credit for this. I just want to throw in some of the things that he talked about. That goes definitely deeply to the neuroscience behind. You know having wine, yeah. And he says you know, when we have a well-regulated nervous system and you and I would probably put the word capacity in that, you know you’ve got capacity for something. You’re not out of whack, you’re not totally off the rails and so those things are.

Polly Mertens: 9:59

He says sleep, huge one right, like lack of sleep. You know food, so we’re not hungry or know depleted in any way, and this has a lot. One of the things he really went deep into in the science is glucose availability for the brain. I’m not going to go down that road, but let’s just call it food. Or you know, hydration and food for the brain to think and operate, because you need that when we’re making decisions right and we’re faced with stuff physical, physical or emotional pain so we can’t be in, you know, severe emotional pain or physical pain and then not distracted so we have the ability to focus so that we can make an informed decision, if you will. So I think when you have these things. When you’re well, you know you’ve got enough sleep, food is regulated, hydrated, emotional or physical pain is not necessarily present or low and you’re not distracted. You have much more capacity, right, do those?

Samantha Pruitt: 10:50

things, but so why are?

Polly Mertens: 10:52

why are so when we’re we’re out of that. Why are we challenged by these things? What? What’s going on? Why is it so hard to to be motivated, to have willpower?

Samantha Pruitt: 11:02

well, if, oh if we are lacking in these areas, obviously, then we don’t feel good, right? We don’t have the energy, or we’ll just call it the bandwidth or the capacity to be able to go above and beyond our normal routine or habitual behavior, pattern, thought process, all of those habitual patterns that we’ve all sort of zombied ourselves into, to default back into the old ways. So if we’re trying to implement a new goal and a strategy towards that, it’s going to require behavioral change. Behavioral change is going to require mental awareness and change as well. Right, and we’re making it sound complicated, but it’s kind of not. Once you understand the basics and you say, okay, I want to make this change, this is important to me, I’m committed to it and you set yourself up for success rather than failure, you will see and we’ll get into how to do it. I’m not saying it’s simple, but it’s a lot easier than people think. People love to say.

Polly Mertens: 12:16

I can’t do it, I’m not motivated. They love that we’re not having that.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:18

Yeah Well, you know that goes back to you know as if you’re born or not born with a genetic element inside of your DNA that you’re a motivated person. You are always living this kind of lifestyle, polly, I’ve been bearing witness to for a long time, because you’re highly motivated. I’m just not that way.

Polly Mertens: 12:39

This is not how it works. No-transcript, finding something that I wanted as a goal, sticking to it no matter what, right. So having that history or that experience to look back upon right Helps inform my identity of who I am, because one of the things I would say around all of this is whether you believe it or you don’t. You know, do you believe that you’re a motivated person or do you fall into the? I’m just not a motivated person. It’s like I’m not a morning person. Well, guess what? We weren’t all necessarily born. You know, I became a morning person because when I was in my twenties I worked at a job that I had to get up and get to Right. So I built that muscle, I built that identity. I’m super glad I did, because I love being a morning person now. But you know, I mean gosh. In high school I mean I was, you know, sleep until 11, like summertime, give me a break, you know.

Samantha Pruitt: 13:49

Right.

Polly Mertens: 13:50

But we can, I think, have that growth and it’s, you know, andrew Huberman, in the scientific studies as he was sharing, is about even when they, when they told people they could or they couldn’t, the willpower showed up or it didn’t. Oh, totally, when they told people they could or they couldn’t. The willpower showed up or it didn’t. If they told them, oh, willpower is a finite resource, you may run out of it at some point, people are like oh okay, well then it’s okay to run out of it.

Polly Mertens: 14:13

And then when they told them it wasn’t, it’s rechargeable, you know, they’re like, oh well, then I’ve got a lot of it. Like it literally would change them whatever they were taught to believe.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:24

Let me give you a couple other things. People are really attached humans to getting instant results, so there can be an ebb and flow to how high or low somebody’s motivation might be or willpower, because are the results coming quick enough right? So we have these ideas in our head about how that might be looking. Obviously, a lack of support. So we both being coaches but also understanding and have been coached and experience these kinds of environments it’s so important to have support, social support or whatever that’s going to look like for you, depending on what the goals are, whatever that’s going to look like for you, depending on what the goals are. Not having a lack of purpose, a true, you know, focus on what is my why, why am I even doing this? What’s the purpose of this thing? Why have I even decided that this is important? Because my sister is doing it, or my friends, or is there value for me? Is this my personal commitment and I have deep purpose and meaning attached to it.

Polly Mertens: 15:26

And I think that one thing is, in those darkest, hardest moments, if that is unclear, wavering, not your own commitment, whatever gone. Yeah, that’s the most sure thing. That will you know. Yeah, the getter done will show up or not show up, based on you know do you really? Want this.

Samantha Pruitt: 15:50

To me, that is the fuel for all the things, all the actions, so all the thoughts, you know, commitments, words and actions that are required to move towards the goal. That is the fuel. What is the story you’re going to tell yourself when no one else is watching? I mean seriously, when no one else is watching? What are you saying to the self?

Polly Mertens: 16:21

So just to maybe tell the story here, as you know and we’ve talked about this on the podcast, so I did an Ironman, half Ironman, earlier this year. There were definitely times where things weren’t showing up as I expected them. Right, it’s like oh, this is fun, isn’t this? You know, but I- Doesn’t this suck, doesn’t it?

Polly Mertens: 16:40

Yeah, well, and so sometimes it can look like plateaus, like you reach a plateau in a pursuit of something. It could look like excuse me, a fucking roadblock, like you, you ain’t doing it that way, right, or that’s not going to get it done, or whatever to your outcome or derailment, like, oh, you got to go do these five other things before you can, you know, get around this boulder or whatever it is. So, for example, when you know Ironman has a three component spike, swim run and the swimming component for me I was running into, not success. Let’s just say, like you know, cold water, cold ocean swim started out. You know, I had to expect it was probably going to be a 45 minute swim. So, you know, I started with little baby swims working it up. I had to expect it was probably going to be a 45 minute swim.

Polly Mertens: 17:24

So, you know, I started with little baby swims working it up and as they got longer, the tolerance for cold became an issue, right, and so I was. You know, at some point I was like I don’t think I can do this swim with the conditions or something, something is breaking down, right. And so I was like what do I do and and do I let go of the goal, like, oh, I’m just not going to be an Ironman person, I’m not going to be able to do this swim Like just write it all off. Or start to get resourceful, start to talk to people, start to ask for other buy-ins, start to go about it differently Right, and one of the problems solve because you were committed to the goal, yeah right.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:05

So just reassess, re-strategize, be nimble, problem solve rather than abandon the goal, yeah, yeah.

Polly Mertens: 18:13

So that’s the, the, I would say in pursuit of a goal, whatever that looks like for you, never move the goal as the last resort, not the first you know, can you imagine Okay, just hold for a hot second.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:30

So, like I’ve obviously had a health crisis and lost 50 pounds, you know I have been in financial ruin and financial success. I have had eight businesses. You know these are none of these things are news to you. I’ve done epic. You know physical challenges. If every time it got miserable, by the way, which is every time.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:53

I said screw it, I’m out, yeah, and didn’t problem solve and didn’t move past the annoyances, the, the, the you know, obstacles, the restriction, the, the discomfort. Move past that into solution and resource and all of those other things that get you to eventually move forward. All of those goals would have been abandoned. That’s a whole lifetime of goals you know.

Polly Mertens: 19:21

And so what happens is you know what people I think lose sight of is you had a first time, and then you had a second time, and then you had you know. So, like like I was saying this back history, right, so I can look at now and say you know, one of my phrases for myself is my word is law in the universe. I get myself to do what. But if you would ask me in high school or ninth grade or something like that, I’d be like I don’t always do what I say I’m going to do. Right, it was a nimble thing, but now I’ve developed that muscle and so have you. In terms of it doesn’t matter what we face, we will find a way, kind of mentality.

Samantha Pruitt: 19:58

Right, exactly, and it’s Diana Nyad. Find a way, okay.

Polly Mertens: 20:03

There’s like the pinnacle of find a way, yeah, yeah for sure. Which is the woman who swam from Cuba to Key West, by the way, great, wow, amazing, after endless failure. Endless failure.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:16

Years, decades.

Polly Mertens: 20:17

Decades of failure, so much money.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:19

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a beautiful story. If you guys haven’t seen it, watch, find a way.

Polly Mertens: 20:28

Yeah, even better book, even better book, so so, but it’s the building of those muscles. So just know that. Like, just because you don’t, you know, one of my key words in this approach is correct and continue. A coach taught me that many, many years ago is we correct and we continue. We correct and we continue, you continue. You don’t correct and give up. You correct and you continue some way, you know.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:46

let’s speak to that before we get into setting people up for success. Why do people bail on themselves, holly, and what happens when they do?

Polly Mertens: 20:58

Well, I don’t hang around with it. No, I’m just kidding.

Samantha Pruitt: 21:02

But you know you, you have done it, I’ve done it you know, when we were younger, and I mean and and we probably on micro sometimes still do it right, like we’ll catch ourselves now and we’ll go hello, samantha talking to Samantha, no, but when you let yourself down like that, your own word with yourself.

Polly Mertens: 21:28

You don’t trust yourself anymore well, I think that’s key what you were just talking about, because one of the things that I was thinking about as we were preparing for this is you know, that phrase that I said is my word is, you know, my word is law in the universe. How that translates inside this human psyche and body is I lived for 20 years not being my word to myself as a food addict, right, you know, eating, throwing up, having shame, addiction, all that stuff. So I had zero relationship to myself in trust. I had broken down the trust with myself to such a place that where I was shortly before I transformed, that was not only is there learned helplessness, beyond that is resignation, so we absolutely give up. So I was in the place beyond learned helplessness, like I don’t know how to do this, I don’t know. It’s just like you know.

Polly Mertens: 22:22

That’s where I was for decades of like why can’t I do this? Like the frustration, still trying, though, still trying to get myself to do the things that I said I was committed to, but not doing it. I was further past that, probably for years where I was resigned. I didn’t even try. It was like I’m not even my word with myself, like I don’t even try to do what I say I do anymore in that realm, like you know. But yeah, so I totally have transformed that now and you live this as your word too is like no, this is who we are, no, this is what we do, right.

Polly Mertens: 22:58

And so I have an identity that I’ve rebuilt. I call it of self-trust, right, that builds self-confidence, because I had. I started with small moments, like they talk in you know, a a one day at a time, like one day at a time, I was what I called non-believing, non-believing. I am a non-believing. I started to affirm what I saw for myself, right, right, it was like yesterday I was a bulimic, today, how am I going to do this? I’m a non-bulimic, and the further I got, the more days in between, the more strength that muscle of reaffirming who I was to myself.

Polly Mertens: 23:35

I had to build it from almost negative right and it is like that it’s getting yourself to do those things right, and it is like that it’s getting yourself to do those things. So you and I are at such a key layer that it feels horrible now when we don’t keep our word Exactly.

Samantha Pruitt: 23:51

And we’re talking about our word with ourselves. With ourselves, period, the most important word. I’m not saying we lie to other people either. Obviously, when we’re committed, we’re committed. But to the self People either. Obviously, when we’re committed.

Polly Mertens: 24:04

We’re committed, but to the self, wow, yeah, this is such a part of this conversation I think that people want to get is you know you can. You know you can make it look like whatever you want out on the you know, oh, I committed to this person or whatever. Like not keeping your word to yourself. If you don’t have that, where else are you giving up in your life as well? Where else are you sacrificing your word with yourself? So, you know, some of that is like make good choices.

Polly Mertens: 24:29

When you decide you’re going to do something. I would say Like think that stuff through. You know, because when you decide you’re going to do something, when I decided I’m going to do that half Ironman, it was like for me, you know, and so I could talk about other things like becoming non-believer, stop smoking, become a vegan. You know all these things I, because I had been doing that for a while. When I did that you know, become a vegan I actually thought about the uncomfortableness that was likely going to happen Grocery shopping and not being able to choose food, being out to eat and there being no options, social situations where people were going to be eating and I wasn’t, or whatever and I was like are you committed to this and my value system? And we’ll talk about this in another one but the identity was like yes. And then all the other decisions were just reinforcing that commitment to self.

Samantha Pruitt: 25:20

Yeah, yeah, and, in a way, if you can get to that point, it becomes easy. I hate to say that, but that’s true, right.

Polly Mertens: 25:31

It’s easier.

Samantha Pruitt: 25:32

Yes, yeah, you have less resistance because there is this final commitment to self made and your identity changes. And then you’re just simply following through on that. I’m just following through on being a celiac, I’m just following through on being an iron woman, I’m just following through on being a boss of this company, blah, blah, blah. And so you’re doing the things. Well, let’s get into the how to do it. Yeah, because we kind of are. We’re getting there.

Polly Mertens: 26:03

Yeah, how do we build this up? What would we do? What are some ways people can go about doing this for themselves?

Samantha Pruitt: 26:07

Number one. Listen to that. I feel like Vanna White Small, achievable goals. So first of all, get clear with your goals and then make them small and achievable, step one, step at a time.

Polly Mertens: 26:26

Stacking them 100%, 100%. I love it.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:29

When you said I want to become a vegan, you said maybe I don’t know. But did you say first I’m going to cut out meat, then I’m going to cut out dairy, or did you just go hardcore?

Polly Mertens: 26:39

You went hardcore, that’s how you are in the world, Polly.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:46

That’s how you are in the world, Polly.

Polly Mertens: 26:47

That’s how I am. Yeah, yeah, I do much better the way that my brain works. It’s you’re an all or nothing. I’m an all you know. Yeah, I was like, uh, no like smoking. I’m a smoker, non-smoker not. I smoke three days a week. You know. It was like no right, uh, uh. I find, especially people who have addictive behavior, it’s better to take it off the table so that we’re not making a lot of micro decisions, at least, especially in the beginning. It’s like no, that behavior is not allowable, I don’t make that behavior you know whatever.

Polly Mertens: 27:14

So you know some people. It’s easier, you know. If you’re not, if you don’t have a history of drinking a lot or being alcoholic and you want to cut back on your drinking or you want to drink socially and not at home, or something like that, that’s totally probably possible and in the realm for most people. If you have an addictive behavior around alcohol, forget it Not. Yes, probably not a good step, or try to. I mean, let me step that down if you will.

Samantha Pruitt: 27:38

So somebody who’s trying to get healthy and fit, a way that we would go about setting those goals and achieving them would be bite size. So it’s like you don’t take someone who’s on the couch and overweight and maybe has some health concerns and challenges already that they’re facing with their physical body and their mental body like and say, hey, we are signing you up for a marathon tomorrow, let’s go get you know. Or whatever. We do the bite size mode right, like we’re going to start exercising, we’re going to start with 20 minutes, we’re going to do this three days a week and then we build off of those successes and wins which is one of the things on the list here build confidence and celebrate wins.

Polly Mertens: 28:20

Thousand percent. In the world of habit it’s a small incremental growth. It’s going outward from what you’re already doing and expanding it. Not such a jolt. You know those people are like I’m not doing meditation, I’m gonna meditate an hour a day. No, you’re not. You know, it’s like, okay, meditate, you know, one day a week for 10 minutes, and then two days a week, and then five days a week. You know like work your way up there.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:45

Right, exactly, exactly and same. In business right, you can have some great goal. That’s going to require a lot of motivation and willpower in the business sector and sometimes it’s easier to start with something relatively small. Get some wins there, get a rhythm going, get the wheel, the flywheel, turning, and then build off of that momentum.

Polly Mertens: 29:08

And this also applies to emotional, you know. So for me, one of my muscles is that I’m growing your boundary boss like all day long. Have those hard conversations, say no. You know, like hey, this is how it is, it’s how it isn’t. I am, even as a 50 year old woman, still learning those things. And I would say, having those hard, you know, having many attempts, you know like many goes at those conversations maybe not trying to do the whole. You know, eiffel Tower version of oh my.

Polly Mertens: 29:36

God, I’ve got to tell you all this stuff and it’s been 20 years that I haven’t wanted to tell you all this stuff, right? No, it’s like let me start with the painter. Was late today, oh okay, let me, you know, have a conversation with the painter so you know, like littler things if you will, so exactly.

Samantha Pruitt: 29:51

Bite size, bite size. Okay, this is super important Putting, getting organized and putting systems in place for success. This is massive If we think of anything that we have accomplished in our lifetime. We had to, with great thought and maybe with some assistance, coaching or support or whatever, set up some systems and put things in place so that we can really make the barrier, if you will, to entry the decision-making process easier, like there’s less, you know, angst or resistance against making the right choices and moving the needle in the right direction, because these systems were in place.

Polly Mertens: 30:37

And I think one of the first things if it’s not the why isn’t strong enough. You need to strengthen the why. But the second one is just what you’re talking about, you know it, so don’t give up on the goal or whatever. But the correct and continue is probably based in a pattern a lack of process, a lack of space, time, commitment, awareness that this was going to be a thing like oh shit, this is going to take two hours longer a week than I thought this was going to. Whatever you, you know it’s like oh, that’s probably where the breakdown is doesn’t mean scratch the whole thing. It means next week, okay, I got to rethink this plan. I got, I got to do something differently. So it’s that that reset, that, that checking in with oh okay, tell this story.

Polly Mertens: 31:18

You and I had talked about that. You know, whenever you and I have gotten up to the starting line of a race let’s call them bigger races you know, like something that we were called to, or it was a stretch for us, an Ironman, or you know ultras and stuff like that. Or think of an Olympian. Right, that Olympic person clears the deck, maybe for the week before, but at least the hours before day before. Right, they’re putting specific things in their body and not things in their body they’re getting, they’re regulating their sleep, who they’re interacting with, what they’re taking in. They’re focusing on things that prepare them for that event.

Polly Mertens: 31:57

If you will, right, and so take that macro thing like whoa, I’ve got to got a. You know, you’ve trained your whole life for this olympic race or whatever. But like, take it as like the thing that you’re getting up to in your life. How much are you clearing space for that? You know making room for it, tidying up things, you know allocating time for it, clearing that, having enough sleep so you’re prepared for that thing. Um, you’ve planned out, maybe, your conversation with this person. Have you, you know, given yourself like, are you at an emotionally stable place where you can say, hey, can we talk about this, and is that person in a good place? And then you’ve got your thoughts straight, right, so it’s, it’s preparation, it’s being prepared and clearing the deck, so that you’re not just like, hey, what are you doing right now? Can we talk about that thing?

Samantha Pruitt: 32:41

that really upset me last week, and you and you’re all dysregulated, and they’re all dysregulated Like, oh right, I was thinking about artists and you know, creating that space and in there, literally that space, not just in their life and in their area, workspace, et cetera, but in their brain and in their body to make art, word art, whatever, any kind of art.

Samantha Pruitt: 33:08

Also, people who are leading organizations or running companies, managing teams Whoa dude, if you have not created space to be fully present and engaged in what you’re getting up to there and trying to achieve those goals, this is just not going to happen and, of course, people will be easily derailed. Let’s say, you know, on a Monday morning you go into work and you’re like fire it up, fire it up ready to go, I’m going to get in there with my team and do all these things. And the minute like you show up into the building, all of a sudden you know the maybe the plumbing’s down or the lights are out or so-and-so didn’t show up today or whatever. You’re quickly derailed from going after the pursuit of that day or that week’s goals because of a few things that just didn’t go as planned and you don’t have the space, the capacity, the bandwidth to just navigate through that, gracefully move on and direct back towards the goals, get back on task, you know, yeah.

Polly Mertens: 34:12

It reminds me of that line. You know, are you working in your business or on it? Right, and this is a little bit. Are you working in your life or on it? You know. So I spend my Sundays, hours on my Sundays, preparing for my week, personally and professionally. What are the things that I’m going to be getting up to? What do I need to? You know, that’s the planner, that’s the hey.

Polly Mertens: 34:31

These things aren’t just going to happen.

Polly Mertens: 34:35

Well, you know, there is living. So I can tell you, up until many, many, many years ago, before I started doing this deliberate, intentional living, you just bump around through life, like many, many years ago, before I started doing this deliberate, intentional living, you just bump around through life, like, oh, this sounds like a good thing right now or I’ll just do that. But when you want to live deliberately, you have bigger things that you’re up to those. You know that the 10,000 foot view of where you want to be and who you want to be. And then you break those things down into your micro goals, your daily or weekly, and if you’re not tuned into what the high level is, then just whatever’s in front of you is what you’re going to be doing. You’re never going to change. You know not. Changes are going to be moment to moment, like, oh, should I do this, Shouldn’t I do this? It’s like, no, I already know I want to be this person, I want to be this thing in the world, I want to’re using um training for an event.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:16

as just an example right, I currently am training every day right now for this Rick and Iron man.

Polly Mertens: 35:31

Hours.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:31

Hours, Hours a day, literally anywhere from 90 minutes on the low end to six hours on the high end every day, Right Does do people think I’m just like highly motivated and I just want to be doing all the what?

Polly Mertens: 35:46

the hell. Who wants to be doing this?

Samantha Pruitt: 35:49

I mean deep in my core, I want to be doing this. I want to achieve this goal. I am an iron woman. I will be doing the thing right.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:56

But what it requires is a lot of planning, a lot of making space and then being willing to, even when I don’t feel like it, because, you know, maybe I got a bad phone call and it was bad news, maybe I got stressed out because something transpired, maybe even on my way to the pool.

Samantha Pruitt: 36:17

You know, somebody flipped me off or this or that, things that like rattle your cage, if you will. You know, am I still going to show up and do the thing or am I going to let that take me in another direction, because I know I’m no longer motivated, like the, the air came out of the balloon and I don’t have the energy now to show up and do the thing. Like you have to really think about. Everything that you’re doing is creating either an opportunity for you to work towards your goals, push towards your goals, or to be taken away from those goals. You know you’re either moving forward or you’re moving backwards, and what you do in terms of the space you create the time, the energy, the resources, the organization, the systems is allowing more or less for that to happen successfully. It’s like betting on yourself, right?

Polly Mertens: 37:12

Something else. I’m not sure if this is the best time, but, as you were talking about that, that to happen successfully it’s like betting on yourself, right? Something else I’m not sure if this is the best time, but, as you were talking about that, something that jumped out at me as I was preparing for this goes back to some work that I studied with Tony Robbins, and if you listen to any of his work on motivation, right, and I studied, you know I have a hypnotherapist, you know background in hypnosis, understanding that the way that the mind works, deeply right. So one of the things that goes on in the mind is he calls it the pain or pleasure. Right, we are quote, motivated by avoiding pain. Yeah, pretty freaking obvious. Like that’s a human condition, you know, like we’re avoiding pain, things that we perceive as pain, and we’re going towards pleasure.

Polly Mertens: 37:51

In the scheme of things, my experience and his is people are less motivated by pleasure. We’re more motivated by avoiding pain. Surprising, but staying out of pain is the brain’s job, right, it will do that all day long. I think. Motivation and willpower. Put yourself up against these levers, these switches like, uh, right, so procrastination is putting off pain, you know. So, like perceiving the pain of in the future is less pain than in the present, you know. So it’s like, oh, just progressing, or I won’t do that, right, that’s because you perceive less pain by doing it later than if you stopped and you did it now, right as an example, and in hypnosis, and one of the things that when I work with people in either recovery, addiction or habits and stuff, is recognizing where we either misaligned or we may want to adjust what we’ve linked pain and pleasure to. We’ve created those links by default or experience or something like that, right and they might not be true.

Polly Mertens: 38:56

Right, exactly.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:58

It might not even be real.

Polly Mertens: 38:59

Might not even be real. That’s the worst case.

Polly Mertens: 39:01

It’s like oh, that’s going to suck, suck, suck. It doesn’t suck and you’re like, oh for God’s sake, you know I haven’t done this for right Like I just went and did ecstatic dance recently because in my mind I was like so embarrassing, oh my god, I dancing in front of other people, just randomly and stuff. Like oh my god, you know, just oh, I made up. I went to ecstatic dance. I was like these people are amazing. I’m totally coming back here, right. So like what, what did my mind never had been to ecstatic dance, but my mind said that, so I just want to.

Polly Mertens: 39:31

So one of the things in adjusting so like if you want to be the master of your mind, is you have to look at the what the mind is doing in those two realms and see if you can adjust it. Sometimes that’s easy adjusting. Sometimes it’s hard adjusting the bigger things, like when it comes to a lot of repetition and routine called addiction or like a hard core habits. You’ve linked that thing up Like it’s got a freeway to that thing Like a lot of coffee or like highly linked.

Samantha Pruitt: 40:04

Oh, absolutely, it’s my best lover ever. But exercise, so people have in their brain. A majority of the population globally have in their brain that exercise hurts, it doesn’t feel good, right. And unfortunately there are systems in place in school systems and in other environments where we’ve made exercise be a punishment, or we’ve made it be miserable be a punishment, or we’ve made it be miserable and we’ve, you know, pushed people to do things that didn’t feel good when they weren’t ready and weren’t fit enough, and all of those kinds. You know there’s a lot of systems to support the suffering that goes with exercise.

Samantha Pruitt: 40:41

But it is not true. It is not true. It can bring so much incredible joy and pleasure to the body and the brain. The science is there, right, but people aren’t sure how to maybe go about having that experience. But once they do, it slowly changes their previous connection, like what you’re talking about, that exercise equals misery, pain and suffering and so untangling that I mean I’ve spent a lot of years untangling that for people it can be more complicated than it needs to be for people, right, like they have to maybe have some conversations and try some things differently and have a support network to be able to do that in order to see that it doesn’t need to look like that or feel like that.

Polly Mertens: 41:29

Yeah, and how could you know? So what you you’re as you’re talking, I was thinking about people that I know, that let’s say they are go. I don’t go to the gym in the evenings. That’s not my thing. I’ve reworked that for me, so highly motivated to go in the morning for various reasons. But people that do that come home from work, I gotta go to the gym, right, but after the dopamine hit of going to the gym, like I’m so glad I went to the gym, that was amazing, so glad I did it. Right, the good feeling.

Polly Mertens: 41:57

But in the moment of let’s call it the decision which they already should have made, hopefully before, I’m a gym goer three days a week or whatever. So in that micro moment, it’s getting the brain to not pay attention to the thing that’s linked up. Like oh, I got to get dressed, I got to go to the gym. But jump forward to the moment of coming home from the gym and tallying those two, like, can you link more of the pleasure or avoidance of like, oh, I’m going to feel like crap if I don’t go to the gym today or, you know, I’m not going to sleep well, or something else? How can you pay attention to the things that you’ve linked up in that moment that’s telling you no, no, no, don’t do this. What else is available? What else is possible? What am I not seeing? That may be, you know, like I said, pleasure isn’t as motivating as pain, but like what could I make as a bigger regret? Cause that’s a big pain If I don’t do something?

Samantha Pruitt: 42:53

Eating healthy. People are like you know, it’s easier or it tastes better to eat crap. Is that actually true? No, it is not true at all. But most of societies told themselves that as well. Right, but until they’ve had enough experiences and again set yourself up with support and process and procedures and you know things to make this happen in your life. But once you’ve had enough of those wins oh wow, cooking healthy was easy. Oh wow, it tastes good. Oh wow, right. Once you’ve had enough of that, then it starts to really move that whole needle and debunk, you know, your preconceived attachment to the opposite of that, what you thought was true. Yeah, so just reprogramming.

Polly Mertens: 43:35

Yeah, pain and pleasure. What does? Noticing what you’re being demotivated against the pain and can rework that and the pleasure of, oh, having this cocktail or having this, whatever. I’d rather sleep and go to the gym, like, how can you look at those and just go? Oh, I see you brain, I see what I’ve already linked up to these. Wait a minute, let me, let me get a higher view. And we don’t have access to that higher view if we don’t have the capacity, right? So if we’re super sleep deprived, we’re out of alignment with glucose or you know whatever, or we’re emotionally unregulated, the ability to unlink that pain and pleasure diminishes, as you might imagine, right, because it takes a little higher faculty?

Samantha Pruitt: 44:14

yeah, the last one is support and feedback. So feedback can look like tracking, you know. So do you need to have a little bit of accountability measures with an app or with some kind of log or tracking, or do you need to have a coach that holds you accountable? Do you need to have a friend to work out with? You know what is the thing, and this is true for everybody to some extent. Having that support system can really make all the difference in the world, especially in the beginning. You know, having that and setting those systems up can be invaluable. Have you done anything like that for yourself in the past?

Polly Mertens: 45:00

Well, I would just say yes, and I you know why I don’t now is because of that one thing. That law like that is my everything Me. Like my word to myself is way more important than my word to somebody else. I don’t need, like I don’t, go to the gym with anybody. I don’t, I don’t, I need that anymore, I don’t have whatever.

Polly Mertens: 45:12

But you know, who I like to play with is like I have my little checklist and I see the thing oh, look at me, look at me. You know like I do those things with myself. I don’t need the external one, but that’s just. But what I feel better about, you know, would I be more likely to, and especially in the beginning, like these things are training periods, muscles. Like you, samantha, we’re not 100 miler. In the very beginning you worked your way up. You had probably more support in the beginning than you need now. You know you’re doing Ironman, nobody. I mean you do have a coach, but that’s to help you create structure and stuff. It’s not necessarily like Samantha, you gotta get to the gym, you know, like she’s calling you at whatever hour.

Samantha Pruitt: 45:56

Get out of bed, yeah, and I don’t work out with anybody, but I did for a long time. So when I did Couch Potato to Iron Woman the first time, like, I set up my entire life in so many systems, including social groups, around what I needed to be most disciplined in, accountable to and supported within, so much that I literally went back to school, studied holistic health, healed the body, teach the things, became a personal trainer. Healed the body, teach the things, became a personal trainer. Heal the body, teach the things, became a coach. Heal the body, teach the things. Like. I set up my whole space and everything around that because the lift was so big and it was mind blowing, of course, what could be ultimately accomplished when so much of the foundation of your life became the thing.

Samantha Pruitt: 46:55

And I would actually suggest this for a lot of people and you and I have talked about this a lot like teach what you need most to learn right, because we’re lifelong learners, we love it, we also love teaching. So we’re like always learning, always teaching. And it’s like I’m so fired up about this one thing right now because it’s relevant to my health or my life or my business, so I’m going to go all in on it, and then I’m going to turn around and teach it, because, you know, that’s just how we roll in the world, that’s how we become experts at our own life, our own body, our own brain, you know or get some sort of buy in.

Polly Mertens: 47:30

You know, it’s not like oh, you’re an accountant and then we’re saying go become a coach of lifestyle and fitness. It’s like maybe you just need someone to have some buy in with you at home, like maybe you’re you know you need to get your partner involved or have an accountability buddy or something like that.

Polly Mertens: 47:45

You don’t have to redirect the entire course of your life, but get something that works for you. So I think it’s totally universal. For me it’s having that belief and that, like beacon, my word is the law in the universe. It applies so many areas of my life. How do I get to you know, how do I come to discipline? How do I follow through? How do I correct and continue? That is like my floor, that’s the basis which everything else is built upon. Right, it’s because I saw my life and how dysregulated and unhealthy and miserable it was when I wasn’t that. And now my life is my oyster because I have. You know, people say there’s some phrase like discipline seems hard, but it’s actually freedom.

Samantha Pruitt: 48:27

It is freedom, it’s totally freedom.

Samantha Pruitt: 48:31

Before we wrap, I want to just mention one other thing.

Samantha Pruitt: 48:33

Um, it kind of falls more in line with inspiration, so you can call it motivation, you can call it inspiration.

Samantha Pruitt: 48:41

You know I have done a lot of racing and you know different things, like we’ve discussed, but like this year or this season of my training, I feel incredibly inspired in a different way, which is really like using my body and this experience, this training, this race, this discipline and dedication in honor of people that I’m you know cannot do this, that I love deeply, who are suffering and battling addiction and cancer and all these crazy things, lately losing more people. Like it’s just been a nutty year two years really uh, watching other people suffer and watching people go through really painful things, and I feel more than inspired, more than motivated every day, every minute, to really go out and utilize the body. I do have the current state of health that I do have and I worked so hard for to really explore my highest potential. So for some people listening, that might be something they should pay attention to also you know, motivation and inspiration are a whole other topic, absolutely.

Samantha Pruitt: 49:48

Yeah, it’s find it where you got to find it, like these are sources of fuel to bring that motivation, if you will, into a higher level. If you find that it’s lacking and mine wasn’t really lacking, but let me tell you, it put a lot of wood on the fire, like that’s just full blown wildfire fire for me, whereas maybe it was a bonfire before, you know, and now the whole thing, I mean, I don’t know.

Polly Mertens: 50:14

I’ve heard the line and I tend to believe it. It’s like don’t expect to be motivated all the time, like no, like do not. So like people like whimper and complain about motivation, I’m like yeah, don’t expect it, like don’t, don’t, don’t, lean on. I didn’t want to work out at all today.

Samantha Pruitt: 50:32

Sometimes I even bribe myself. Actually, right, the coffee shop, you mentioned coffee. So I’m like I want that damn latte, I want that freaking latte. Yeah, okay, I am addicted to that latte. So I will go get my workout in. Literally, I’m going to kick my ass doing intervals for 90 minutes on the bike and then the reward will be my latte like. So you know, there’s lots of clever things that you can do.

Polly Mertens: 51:00

What do you link up? How do you thinking about? How do you link it up right and so forget about. And I always just want to say, like, take motivation off the table. Look at you know. You know I just send so much about that original decision. I’m decide, commit and resolve. We’ve talked about that in another episode. If you haven’t like, go listen to that.

Polly Mertens: 51:19

But the commitment, you know, so day to day motivation, it’s going to waver, it’s going to be up or down. You know, like in the neurological, you’re going to have it and you’re not going to have it, depending on how much you’ve been using that muscle or whatever. Right, yeah, but the commitment to completing, correcting, continue. And sometimes you don’t do a workout that day, sometimes you just can’t. We’re not saying hurt yourself, do what you know, yeah, yeah, no, this is not that conversation, but it’s and let’s.

Polly Mertens: 51:47

I am do more, especially as I’ve gotten older, to listening to my body, but I don’t lose sight of the goal, like you know it’s. Can I not do this? Still feel good in my body? Is that the healthier decision for me today? Is it taking me further away? You know, like we’ve talked about, you know, is this making the boat go faster, right? Is this going to get me to the finish line? Is this going to help me achieve that thing, become the person I want to be, have the relationships in my life that I want to have? Okay, great, then I’m doing that thing, or I need to do something else.

Samantha Pruitt: 52:21

I just take motivation off the table. I’ve committed and then I act. But that’s you, not most of our listeners.

Polly Mertens: 52:25

I’m inviting everybody. It’s an invitation.

Samantha Pruitt: 52:30

We’ve obviously made the identity shifts for ourselves. That’ll be another episode, because that’s just a whole other combo, girl, but let’s wrap this up for our people so what’s so?

Polly Mertens: 52:39

you didn’t share, so I think, the one thing. So, if we share with them the one thing, I think you have a phrase or a question that you would like people to be thinking about and this kind of leans into who are you choosing to be? The identity that we’ll have another time, but what’s the what’s the one thing you want to leave them with?

Samantha Pruitt: 52:54

It totally does. So you basically primed the pump for this question, which is who do you want? To be Right, what are the actions you will be taking in your one precious life to be the person you want to be, if you? Ask yourself that question who do you want to be on the daily? Can you even begin to fathom what the answer will be and then how you will move on in that day, with big and small decisions left and right oriented towards that?

Polly Mertens: 53:36

It’s incredibly powerful. Yeah, it’s a vote towards that person you’re becoming or away from it. Your future self is like, hey, I’m right here and you’re like I’m not going to be you today, you know, or doing that hard thing I’m stepping up on yes, yes, yes, right, yes. So who do you want to be? And asking yourself moment to moment. I love it, I love doing that hard thing I’m stepping up.

Polly Mertens: 53:51

I’m yes yes, yes, right, yes. So who do you want to be? And asking yourself moment to moment I love it, I love it. All right, motivation willpower. This was juicy, this was fun. So, my dear, what would we like to? Thank you all, and we welcome your comments, feedback. Please share.

Samantha Pruitt: 54:04

We’d love to hear from you what do we want to hear what people’s goals are? You know what are they up to? Yeah, that’s super exciting. And maybe some fun things they’re doing to stay motivated and to flex their willpower muscles.

Polly Mertens: 54:18

Share, tell us, tell us about it, find us on social or, you know, share here, please. All right, this is yummy. So what do we want to leave people with as a reminder about their big picture life?

Samantha Pruitt: 54:31

Yeah, what should we say? What should we say? We say the same thing every time. The one thing. The one thing how your life feels is more important than how it looks.

Polly Mertens: 54:42

And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.

Samantha Pruitt: 54:45

Yes, let’s do it All right. Thanks, lady.