Samantha Pruitt: 0:21

Hey, superstars, welcome back Polly Mertens and Sam Pruitt. What’s up, beautiful humans?!

Polly Mertens: 0:27

What are we up to today, my dear? What are we talking about?

Samantha Pruitt: 0:30

We are up to something good.

Polly Mertens: 0:33

Yes, we’re talking about growth teams, growth partners, right, I’m excited about this. This is something that you and I, in our own worlds, in our own ways, we’ve definitely explored. We’ve grown with. We’ve, you know, helped other people as coaches. You know we’ll talk about that in a little bit, but why don’t you help people understand, from our perspective, you know, what’s a growth team, what’s a growth partner? What would we say? How would we define it?

Samantha Pruitt: 0:57

Yeah, and why would they need it? Because you’re a human. Let’s just leave it at that we all need a little help sometimes.

Samantha Pruitt: 1:05

A growth partner and there are all types and we’ll dig into the details of what they are and how they work and all that stuff. But what we mean by that is sometimes people will say that they are leaning into or leaning on another human. It’s not exactly that dynamic. It’s a partnership or a teamwork relationship where, by the nature of the engagement with each other, you can get yourself understood, seen and heard, encouraged. And since our people are all about change and transformation and making, you know, really big headways in their lives, we need this, we all need this, because we’re not here to do this alone. That’s what it is.

Polly Mertens: 1:48

Yeah, and that’s the essence of it, I think, is, you know, when, what is it, that phrase? You know, if you want to go further and farther, go with other people, right, you know. And so when we talk about a growth team, that could be a growth team of one, you know, like one-on-one, or it could be a growth team of you know multiples, or you know 100-person, mastermind, or whatever it is right. So it’s about you know, when I think about the growth teams and, you know, maybe call it support groups. A lot of people hear about that.

Polly Mertens: 2:18

I don’t want people to only think about, you know, the classic therapy support group, although that’s one of them, right. So things like an Alcoholics Anonymous or an Overeaters Anonymous, na Al-Anon, that type of thing that can be. And then there’s classic, you know, facebook groups, which are, you know, have went in and out of popularity. I don’t know if they’re popular anymore still, but I don’t think so. But we’ll go into, like, all the flavors that this could look like, because, as you and I, you know, prepared for this episode, I think we’re both a little surprised. Like holy smokes we have been through, you have.

Samantha Pruitt: 2:50

I confess very quickly that I’ve started a lot of groups, facilitated a lot of groups, do a lot of one-on-one coaching, mentoring et cetera. But I haven’t actually belonged to a lot of groups and I recently checked one out and I told you about it and I was like, wow, that was wild.

Polly Mertens: 3:06

Well, you do create a lot of community, right, you do create a lot of community, and maybe that’s a little bit different flavor. And I think what we specifically want to hone in on today for people is you know, the idea of a growth team or in a support group is there’s an area of your life, or maybe several areas of your life, that you want to grow in. You want to make changes in some things either broken down, you want to break through, you want to level up, you want to expand, you want to. You know all these things, right, there is some level of growth and going it alone. It just ain’t the fastest way, it’s not the, but you know so. So that’s what we’re talking. It sucks. So the purpose of it you know like. And then we can go into the. Why have these growth themes? Which is there’s lots of yummy benefits to this. So I would say, just how you started off is like to be seen and heard like boom boom.

Samantha Pruitt: 3:59

Who doesn’t want that and need that again, again, we’re humans, we need to be seen, we need to be heard, and that leads to being understood, it leads to a sense of belonging. It’s so critical and it doesn’t matter if you’re a total badass warrior that can do all kinds of things and feels like that. Needing others or relying on somebody as a confidant or a coach or a mentor is a sign of weakness B S. It’s an absolute sign of strength, a thousand percent. And let’s get into why.

Polly Mertens: 4:33

So be seen and heard. You know that’s um. One of the things that we’ve talked about is the importance in your approach when you’re coaching people one-on-one. The very first step is that inventory, right Like a self-assessment examining your life, examining this area, this thing that’s not working, what’s troubling you, what’s frustrating you or what are you up against. Maybe it’s a health challenge or relationship challenge or something like that.

Polly Mertens: 5:01

And stepping into a growth relationship, whether it’s a one-on-one coach or accountability people or some form of a group and we’ll talk about the different kinds is like I may need some help getting clear with myself what’s going on inside of me. You know like I was. I had shared with you. I was coaching a woman and you know, helping her see that a lot of the confusion she was having and the frustration and this role that she had in business and in work was like, well, you got to step away from it sometimes, right, like taking that inventory. Sometimes it’s hard in the middle of a busy life and doing and you know just the day in and day out of life a wonderful way to step out ask some questions, look around, hear some other stories, not only to hear outside reflections or whatnot, but to allow us to also look inside ourselves.

Samantha Pruitt: 5:54

Yes, yes, it’s a space that’s created. You hear a lot about safe spaces and everybody kind of knows what that means, but this is a different kind of safe space. It’s a safe space that you are providing for yourself, creating with intention for yourself. This will be my time to be seen and heard, to be understood, so I can then better process and work through my challenges. And if I have goals, I guarantee, if you’re a human and you have a goal to accomplish anything, there are going to be plenty of challenges, right.

Polly Mertens: 6:33

Yeah, just as you were saying that, it was like being seen and heard.

Polly Mertens: 6:35

It’s like sometimes we, we, we want, you know, if we’re not sure if we’re up to it, you know, like, if we lack a little bit of the confidence, like I don’t know if I can do this thing, you know, I have seen in my own life and I think people would also agree that, like, when we have someone you know, like they have these studies that say, like, people who have a gym partner are way more likely to show up for that other person, like they’re being seen as like hey, I see you, like I see you, like I’m coming to the gym.

Polly Mertens: 7:05

You know, we have this connection, we have this reason, we have this accountability. If you will, and whether you, you know, put that into a group, it’s like I’m allowing myself to be seen and if I’m doing it imperfectly or whatnot, but it’s like I want this change for myself, it’s like a vote for yourself. I want to be seen and heard so that I can be understood, so I can better understand myself, so I can be authentic with myself, so that I can be witnessed, as I probably fall down five times and get up seven. You know like like I’m gonna do this imperfectly, but those are those opportunities that being seen and heard is like I’m putting myself a little bit out there on the line so that I do the things that I want to do actually right, well, let’s speak to the benefits.

Samantha Pruitt: 7:46

I made a list, and then the funny thing is which is pretty long, and then you made a really long list on top of what I made, which is fascinating because, obviously we see the value and we understand. Um, I’ll just read from my list. You can jump in if anything speaks to you. It’s a way to build self-trust and confidence. Yes, tremendous. You learn from others’ mistakes and experience Invaluable Double click on that. So good. Invaluable. It helps you to process your failures because if you’re reaching for big things, there will be failure.

Polly Mertens: 8:25

We have a whole episode on that.

Samantha Pruitt: 8:28

It can help break the cycle of negative self-talk. You know you get in your head like you were saying people like smack you they’re like hey, stop saying that to yourself, yeah. Well, you have permission to be imperfect. You have permission to just be who you are. We’ll talk about how to pick the right people and circles that facilitate this. It absolutely enhances performance and consistency, absolutely, yeah, yeah, great way to invest your time and energy if you really want to achieve.

Polly Mertens: 9:00

If you want those results, yeah, if you want those results like double down on a team or a partner or a coach or someone, so like, okay, I’m doing this, awesome, yeah, it drives creativity, because just in the dialogue alone.

Samantha Pruitt: 9:14

But then you and I both also know, in the energy exchange that’s happening between the humans in the space Wow, cool stuff has always come out of these for me in the creative space, and then I wrote down these collaborations are are power multipliers. So through that relationship with the one, whether it’s the coach, the mentor or the, the many, if it’s in a circle or a group the amount of collaborative ideas, energy connections that come forward, it is a power multiplier. It will get you where you want to go, faster, I mean, and really in a much more powerful, positive way. So that’s my list.

Polly Mertens: 9:54

Let’s see. So I think you covered it, you know so I had the be seen and heard. Just admit that life is rocky, messy and hard, especially when you step into the little C, big C world. The big change, or a little change, it’s like you, I mean, anytime we’re saying I’m going to do something other than I normally do. Subconsciously, you know we are on autopilot. What do they say 90% of the time? Right, if you consciously say I want to make a change, there’s going to be messy stuff in that, like it’s, it’s not, it’s designed to go back to the. You know routine, the habit, the old like you’re, we’re just wired like that. So you know, having other people see us, hear us, lift us up when we fall down or say, hey, you know, I got another strategy, I got an idea for that Right, just having that around us.

Polly Mertens: 10:46

My some of my best times in circles or groups, you know power groups have been for inspiration and also for helping me get clear.

Polly Mertens: 10:57

So one of the things that I have seen time and time again for myself well, there’s a phrase that I learned in a women’s circle, maybe 15, 20 years ago, was and this applies to men too, but I’ll just tell you how I heard it is when one woman is working, we’re all working and what that meant is so a lot of this comes out of a facilitated if you’ve ever heard of women within and there’s other groups.

Polly Mertens: 11:20

But when a facilitator is working with a woman in that circle, like a woman says, oh, I want some help with this, this issue, this challenge, whatever that may look like, however, the facilitation happens when we see someone else working, having transformation, whether you know, it’s not the story they’re telling us, we’re actually witnessing it. It’s like something in us changes, right, it cracks you wide open. Yeah, yeah, you get more. I get more clear inside of myself in that area or that, just like my brain finds something else. I’m related to what that person. You know she could be working on a job and I’m over here changing in a relationship dynamic. You know completely unrelated, but Crossover.

Polly Mertens: 12:04

Yeah, and then, as you said, to go further, faster, and then I’m huge on the up leveling, especially for business or growth in a team, you know. So up leveling, stretching yourself, like going, you know further inside of who you want to be, whether that’s a physical challenge, huge on belonging, and then just you know, I think that we just hit on like seeing new possibilities and I love the creativity part that you said you know in those collaborations.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:27

So so good, so yeah, so people understand we’re talking not just about personal growth, but business, professional growth.

Polly Mertens: 12:36

Yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:37

This is a massive space that can be tapped for people that’s radically untapped, especially for, like entrepreneurs and, you know, small, medium sized business owners that are so busy grinding in their business and that happens to be a lot of the people that we work with and it’s like hey, when’s the last time you actually stepped out of your business for a hot second? You know, and having a relationship with us or in a group, having a that kind of relationship, is just, it’s pure magic.

Polly Mertens: 13:02

Yeah, you know and what happens, especially in the smaller the business or even large businesses they talk about. That. You know it’s lonely at the top, kind of idea, right, or it’s. You know, when you’re the CEO and you have, if you have, especially a small team, they’re probably, you know, very distributed, they’re doing lots of different things or whatever, and you’ve got to be over all of them. So, having that thought partner or another group of CEOs that are running a business like yours or doing something along that lines, it’s like you have someone else on your level to talk to, you have someone to collaborate with ideas, and what do you think about this or other ways to look at things? Because not often within your own team depending on the size of your team, of course do those people relate to the challenges that you’re facing at the C level, the, you know the ownership level.

Samantha Pruitt: 13:53

Well, that’s part of it and, to be honest, a lot of it needs to be confidential and they don’t want to share it with those people. I mean, that is a common practice in my business coaching. You know relationships. Is that the stuff we’re talking about business coaching? You know relationships, is that the stuff we’re?

Samantha Pruitt: 14:06

talking about it doesn’t need to be shared with the team, right? The owner operator, et cetera, has their own challenges and those need to be addressed so they can continue to, you know, lead. And then how they lead their team sometimes is really messy, and the last thing they want to do is talk to their team about the messiness of it all.

Polly Mertens: 14:23

For sure, yeah, yeah, and they don’t want to be seen. You know there’s definitely, you know, different levels of leadership and strategies on that. But I mean, you know, airing out your laundry, you know, to your team is that’s not leadership, that’s not what we’re talking here, Right? So it’s just having that thought partner or group or support, you know, young professionals, organization coaching, something like that.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:45

You just reminded me of something else I want to talk about. Let’s talk about it. We talked about all the reasons you should be doing this. I want to also touch on what it is not. Yes, okay, okay. What it is not is a codependent relationship.

Polly Mertens: 15:01

Yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 15:01

So, and most people know what that is and if not just Google the word codependency and a few people in your relationship space might come to mind, but those can be very unhealthy and they do not generally facilitate a positive growth experience for either party. Both parties are tolerating, if you will, bad behavior from one another in some way, shape or form.

Polly Mertens: 15:31

Do you have just a simple example of what I mean codependence might look like, or when you kind of cross that line? You know, maybe in a one-on-one relationship or something like that, what is it? Yeah?

Samantha Pruitt: 15:37

You told a story just a moment ago about like having a gym partner.

Polly Mertens: 15:41

And since.

Samantha Pruitt: 15:41

I’ve worked a lot in the health, wellness, nutrition, fitness space. I see a lot of codependency dysfunction in gyms, outside of gyms, whether it’s running communities, triathlon, et cetera, et cetera, Because people are doing a healthy behavior. You know, it appears to be that finding somebody to partner with in that space to come and do the workout or whatever, would just be a healthy dynamic in general, but many times it’s actually not. So it can actually help further facilitate and trigger almost, if you will, bad behaviors, because that person may not have the right value system that matches you. They might not have the same goals as you. They might have some other challenges that, once you guys get together, it doesn’t matter if you’re trying to modify your eating behaviors or your exercise behaviors just using those two as examples. There’s a lot of really painful hard things that go on in the athletic space and in the health and wellness space. There’s a lot of non-wellness activity and wellness.

Polly Mertens: 16:51

You got to be careful there. Yeah, you know, when you first said that I didn’t, I was thinking codependent, like, oh, you guys go to the gym and you just, you know, piss and moan about what’s you know not working, or you if you eat it or show each other.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:04

Well, that happens too, but that’s less of a. That’s less of a problem. I’m talking about the even worse.

Polly Mertens: 17:10

But it you know, as you said it, I can give an example in my own life with two different partners that I work with, like gym partners that you’re talking about, and how the outcomes were different. Can I share that? Do you think that would be so? It was my first this was actually so in the obstacle racing world. My very first race was a Tough Mudder, back when those were going on, and I had a friend and you and I know her, I’m not going to name her and and we’re like, oh, this will be fun, we’ll go to this Tough Mudder and we’ll we’ll run it together. And you know, and I tried to get her together for some training opportunities beforehand, I was like, oh, let’s go out and run and this and that, and I think she was agreeable to meet up with me once, right, and I forget how many months.

Polly Mertens: 17:55

And I was like oh how are you doing?

Samantha Pruitt: 17:56

Let me just interject something really quick. That’s hilarious. Cause I have trained with you, or a Spartan for adventure race.

Polly Mertens: 18:07

You’re a bad-ass. Okay, you probably scared the hell out of her.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:09

Anyway, finish your story. This is awesome.

Polly Mertens: 18:11

Well, I’m like I don’t just want to, well, and that’s what. That’s what this happened.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:15

Okay, so we get to the race and we get to the race start. She can’t do one workout, she’s gonna be just fine well, she, I’m sure she was doing other things.

Polly Mertens: 18:25

You know, whatever I I mean I’m sure he wasn’t just laying on the cow. I mean, you know, she knew this race was coming up and stuff.

Polly Mertens: 18:30

So we get to the start and, um, and this is my learning opportunity, right, so this was first partner, first race together, because I because I had run other you know half marathons and you know different things on my own and this was like, oh, an obstacle race, I’m a little intimidated, it’d be fun to have a partner. Okay, great. So we get to the starting line and I proceed. You know, we get out the start gate or whatever, and I learned from her that her plan is pretty much to walk the whole thing.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:55

Oh wow, yeah Well, which is fine If that was what you agreed upon as a partnership.

Polly Mertens: 19:01

I didn’t even think of asking about it, Right, I was like wait a minute. I had completely different goals, completely different goals. Her goal was just to have fun and kind of finish and, you know, hang out, watch it, you know, like talk to people, whatever, along, whatever. It was a total joy ride for her and I just had, and I didn’t even realize that in the beginning, right, and so I, you know, probably a mile in I was like, hey, would you be okay if I, you know, leave your ass in the dust here.

Samantha Pruitt: 19:31

I gots to go.

Polly Mertens: 19:35

And I was like off, I went, you know, I felt, you know there was pangs of guilt at first, and then I was like I trained very differently for this, you know, and I never thought to have that agreement. And this goes in. I’m sure we can translate this. But let me fast forward to probably a year later or within six months. I was going to train for a Spartan and I found a partner at my gym and I said I think you’d really enjoy these Spartan. And I found a partner at my gym and I said I think you’d really enjoy these Spartan races. Would you do it with me and this and that?

Polly Mertens: 20:02

And I think it was more clear in that one and A in who I chose, right, like she was already working out with me at the like. We went to this gym where it was a group setting, and so I saw her at the gym almost every morning, you know. So like I knew fitness level and I didn’t know how she doing the race or whatnot, and we went on to run many races together and finish first place and they’re you know all these things you know. So that’s cool, choosing partner anyway. So yeah, I mean that goes a little bit we’ll probably talk about it later about choosing the right partnership or group or coach or who you surround yourself with. So I didn’t think about that when you say codependency. But there’s an example.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:36

A real good example of codependency many people will relate to this is their partner. You know, maybe it’s a roommate or a loved one or a spouse or a partner whatever that they share their house with and you know everybody’s going to eat healthy all of a sudden, right? So you have this person in your house who you’ve partnered with on this nutritional. You know, reboot if you will, and really it’s very common for those to fail. Right, because both of you have your challenges in this space. You’re trying to create habit change, but you’re two very different people and how you operate is radically different and the amount of influence you have on one another is tremendous or the good or the bad. Right. We talked about this a little bit during habit change and also codependency can really be in any arena, even at work.

Samantha Pruitt: 21:25

You know, you’ve all had the coworkers. Some of us are, you know, we’re producers, we really like to make stuff happen and we like to be on high performance teams. And if you’ve got a high performance team and we see this in our work, you know in corporates if you’ve got a high performance team and we see this in our work, you know in corporates but you’ve got a couple people that didn’t really sign up for that as their own personal value system or they’re not about it. That’s just not who they are in the world or who they want to be. Boy, do they just drag the others down? It’s just tremendous. So I guess I’m just pointing that out that there can be situations where these dynamics are not healthy and you need to be really mindful about who you choose, how you choose and the amount of communication and clarity around. What are we doing here together and do we have a shared value and are we clear on the goal and et cetera, et cetera. It’s imperative.

Polly Mertens: 22:16

Yeah, I call it. Setting the context now, you know, with all the groups that I’ve either created or been a part of, and you know different micro groups that I’ve set up, is like you create the container right. Context is another word that’s commonly used and so that’s built upon. You know agreements, values, maybe it’s a fundamental body of work. You know so, like you guys might have all studied a certain book or teacher, or you know you’re all into a certain fitness thing or whatever it’s like. Okay, we’re crossfitters. You know crossfitters versus obstacle racers or something like that. Not that they’re exclusive, but you get my point. So creating that context is like these group is similar enough. There’s going to be differences, but they’re similar enough that it they’re all going for the same objective, if you will.

Samantha Pruitt: 23:03

Well, your group that you mentioned, the Tony Robbins group, you were in for 10 years. The only reason that could have been successful that one group for 10 years is a really long time, by the way, kudos is because the amount of structure and integrity that was demanded of that group to be in that particular program, together as a what was the group called? Was it like a mastermind group. Basically, that is just mind boggling.

Polly Mertens: 23:34

I mean, that’s really high level cool stuff and that’s what’s possible for people you know and I have seen, so I I actually was invited just recently to join another women’s circle and I declined because, as I looked at the dynamics and the function and the people, the members in it and the activities and the frequency and all this stuff, um, it didn’t check enough boxes off for me, right.

Polly Mertens: 23:58

So I knew if I stepped into that, because I’ve stepped into groups and either begrudgingly, like I said yes when I meant no, one of those moments where I’m like I don’t really have time for this, but okay, they, you know, they want me, or something like that right, and you get in it and it either crumbles or I lose interest or I don’t get enough out. You know, so for me, uh, all of this I think this is um, one of the things we didn’t say is like you know what it’s a given, a get right.

Polly Mertens: 24:28

So, it’s not just you go there to get, get, get right. You go there to give, contribute and receive right. And the receiving isn’t necessarily someone physically handing you something, it can be just hearing an inspirational story, it can be someone else doing, like I said, when one woman’s working, you’re working right. So the people in the group have a momentum that they’re looking for, a change that they’re looking for. So you invest your time in trade for getting something out of it. That doesn’t mean, like I said, a physical thing, but it’s. It’s. It benefits you in some way. You walk away more inspired, more in action, having learned something, gotten resources, feeling a contribution, you know, and whatever that dynamic is. So, choosing the group and that Tony Robbins group, not only was it built on, I think, on a beautiful body of work that we all just were fired up for, but we had a lot of similar values, energy and we. You know, tony Robbins in itself is about showing up in your life.

Polly Mertens: 25:27

So I was like we showed up and we, you know, we danced around the room and we got the energy high and we just was this magnetic magnetism for all of us and it helped us. We started seeing results in our life.

Samantha Pruitt: 25:41

And that’s even you know, the better. But you were going to say something. What I was going to say that came on my radar I we’ve got to mention is it’s perfectly fine to leave these situations when they’re not working. So if you’re in a group like that, well, a choosing wisely, okay, and then maybe you make a choice and you get in. It’s not what you had in mind. You don’t have to stay, yeah, yeah, and that goes for any relationship that’s mentorship, coaching, circles, groups. You don’t have to stay. I want to make sure people have great clarity there that if their needs are not being met, not being seen, heard, respected, it’s not in some way feeding them and they are not able to give to the people or be of service in return. It’s not the right fit.

Polly Mertens: 26:25

You know, and that’s that leans to the codependency, you know, don’t be in it, don’t be doing something. You know, if the coach isn’t valuable to you, if the partnership, if the relationship, if the group isn’t serving you and you’re not serving them, it’s like okay, so be it, walk away.

Polly Mertens: 26:39

Right, and some people would um, you know, I’ve I’ve been in groups where I was wanting to dissolve them, or you know cause I created them, and then it was like, oh, it’s, it’s not serving me any longer, or the group isn’t? You know, we’re going in different directions, or whatever it looked like. Um, so, just having that courage to call it what it is, yes, I have something else.

Samantha Pruitt: 26:58

I want to say what it’s not. It’s not a sign of weakness. Yeah, to want and need this type of support, it is absolutely not a sign of weakness. There’s a lot of people that would feel, and they there’s still people to this day that feel like therapy and things like that are signs of weakness. No, we’re on the human journey and it’s really hard. It’s really hard. So getting mentorship, coaching, group support, circle support is part of the journey. It’s part of the growth cycle. I hope that people understand it’s actually the complete opposite of weakness. It’s a sign of knowing yourself and your needs, being honest about them and then being strong and courageous enough to step up and get those needs met. That’s how I perceive it.

Polly Mertens: 27:47

And to add to that, it’s like I want more out of myself, I deserve more, and so it’s like I’m going to reach out and get that thing. I am going to reach those people, find those people, create that context, whatever it is, step into that group, pay that money, whatever, because I’m worth it, like I want those. I’m like. No, I want to be stronger, I want to be better at this, I want to get over this, whatever that I’ve been living with, or I want to step into a new dimension for myself and seeing that you’re worth it, yeah, yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:20

Yeah, you have this great analogy and I think we should just cover coaching and thought partners out of the gate, since that’s who we are, and then we’ll talk about all the other things. But you have this really great way of describing, um, what it is to have a coach or a thought. We call ourselves thought partners also, uh, through this travel analogy. Would you share that?

Polly Mertens: 28:38

Yeah. So the idea that came up to me was like you know. So I’ve been to Japan recently and for me it was a solo journey and a lot of my travel I’ll go and research the heck out of a place. I’m about to go on a trip here in the future to overseas, so I start researching things, whatever. And one way is to just do the solo research, go on this trip, see the sites that I can find for myself. That’s one way, right. That’s the go it alone. You know, go it the hard way, let’s call it maybe.

Polly Mertens: 29:13

Second is okay maybe I find there’s a tour group, right, and I get on a bus of 50 people or I get on a cruise ship, or I get on whatever this package thing, and then I get taken to these places that maybe I’d never thought of, or they make it easier for me, or, you know, they get me to places that I haven’t seen. So as a group, you know, somebody’s done some of that work for me. And the last one is I have a friend going to Japan here in a couple months and she’s hired a guide, like a one-on-one guide for her and her husband throughout Japan for three weeks. She’s going to have a deep, amazing. So it’s like a guide, a coach, that’s like. I’ve been to these places before.

Polly Mertens: 29:50

Let me show you the highlights. Let tell me what it is that you want for your life or for your trip. I will take you to those places, give you amazing experiences. I’ve got the map, I’ll create the itinerary, let’s go and you just and boom. Right so three different, right so solo. You know you can see the high point.

Samantha Pruitt: 30:10

Whatever you see what you can see You’re going to miss a lot, but you can get it done. It’s going to be messy and, frankly, you and I usually like chaos, like that adventures. You know we’re like we’ll figure it out when we get there. Yeah, I can live out of a backpack. This is not a problem. And you know, you get in the middle of it and you’re like I’m starving, wet and lost.

Polly Mertens: 30:27

Totally lost. Can’t find that?

Samantha Pruitt: 30:30

But this is ideally when you’re talking about your personal growth journey, which also that, by the way, is health, wellness, mental health and wellness, professional health and wellness. It’s all of these buckets of your life, relationships, finances, et cetera. When you’re on that journey, winging it might not be the best strategy. And then the tour bus one was cracking me up, because I cannot stand things like that.

Polly Mertens: 30:57

I am not anything like that.

Samantha Pruitt: 31:02

Just the idea of getting on a cruise ship or on a tour bus, that is a hell. No for me. I would run so far, couldn’t do it, because you’re eating the food they want to eat, you’re going to the places they want to go, so you’re seeing some things, you’re having an experience, but you’re not having your experience, which ultimately to me feels limiting.

Polly Mertens: 31:24

I’m going to throw one other one in here that just popped into my head. That’s another actually happened in my life. So I’ve never actually done the tour bus thing either. I think that I don’t know that I could do this either, but when I went to Croatia for my 50th birthday, we went on a small like. It’s kind of like a I forget how many people it’s like, but let’s say it’s like 25 people boat, right, it’s kind of a catamaran, I forget what it was, anyway. So it had a shot, you know, had a cookie cooking and people, the crew and stuff like that. But many, many sides, this wasn’t like a big cruise ship. This was like 25 people, if you will.

Polly Mertens: 31:59

And Croatia is perfect for this because there’s a lot of little mini islands, there’s like a thousand islands. So it’s like you take this little boat and you go to this place and you go to this place and the people that we met were very aligned with what we’re up to. The food was delicious, it was like we curated it, we selected it right and we got taken to these beautiful experiences, like on my 50th birthday. I didn’t even plan this. They took us to this olive farm that was an UNESCO World Heritage Site. We ate alfresco. We had like a four-course meal. It was all organic, grown right there. I mean it was just like stunning, right, like it didn’t pinch me, it’s what you deserved on your 50th birthday.

Polly Mertens: 32:40

I did, I, and I served it up Right, but it and it’s like you can curate that at different levels. So what we’re just talking about is, you know, find the right experience, go with the right group of people, um, know where you want to go and and like, pay the money. You know, like, like, have the experience that you want to have. And you can find that, I think, in groups. And you know, you and I would never pay for that bus tour kind of concept that we talked about, like, we would opt out of those groups if you will, we would opt into, like, the one-on-one tour guide. We’ve done that, we do that as coaches, that sort of thing.

Samantha Pruitt: 33:15

So we’re just being lost with our backpack, cold and wet. I mean, we’re tiny For sure, and it’s going to be so individual, these kinds of things. Right, it’s going to be so individual, let’s. So that’s a coaching to kind of give people an idea of what, because a lot of people do ask us what is coaching? What do you mean? You’re a coach, what is it? You know? So it’s good for people to kind of understand a little bit about what that looks like. You know it’s your tour guide, if you want to use that analogy, which I think is perfect to get you through really challenging times and, on the other side, towards building the life that you want. And we cover all arenas and a lot of coaches do Um, you can also hire coaches, for obviously I was a big part of this world too.

Samantha Pruitt: 34:00

You know endurance, sports or training for a race, whether it’s ultras or triathlon, or you know name all the fun things that we’ve done. What I found when I was really working heavy in that world for a long time is the person would come with that being a goal, that they had to run the marathon, do the Ironman, whatever their thing was. But truly, that’s a human who is coming with all of their life’s baggage and imperfections. Beautiful, I love it. But you know you’re not going to get someone from zero to an Ironman if you don’t address the whole person. And so you can find coaches, or you could buy programs online or read a book about how to get to the finish line of an ultra 100 mile run or an Ironman or whatever.

Samantha Pruitt: 34:47

But if you want to learn more about yourself along the way, you could find the right coach who can actually help you as a human being fully develop your potential, not just in that sport arena yeah, sure, that’s show up training, doing the work but what about all the other things that are required for you to excel, not just at that finish line experience and actually even complete that race, but in the rest of your life, right? So these people exist. I mean, we’re examples of those people. So there’s so many different types of coaches that you can find in the space. I think it’s kind of mind boggling. It’s really cool Business coaches. You know we both are doing that. You’re doing quite a bit of that now. Maybe you can share one.

Polly Mertens: 35:29

Well, I was just thinking your you know latest one that we’ve talked some about with you know, helping a client that you’ve worked with for years with the exit of their business right or one of their business strategy and always go into it day one with an exit strategy.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:45

please Rule number one at least one with at least.

Polly Mertens: 35:48

okay, this is what I think we’re going to do if this either doesn’t work out or if it grows, and then you know, this is what I want to do afterward. Yeah, yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:55

Yeah, and how rewarding right To come in at the beginning of an additional business purchase, through all the transitions of rebuilding the business literally and turning it into a profitable, sellable item and then now to be able to help facilitate the sale of the business, like it’s super cool, so fun and all well. A lot of work but very rewarding. And those are people, those types of people, um, and of course we do also, along the way, talk about health and wellness and nutrition and sleep, and if you’re not doing all those things, you’re not really functioning at your highest level, so you can’t show up to your work life, your professional life or your family life, your community life, a whole person, if there is one area that is suffering. But well, let’s talk about some other types of groups. You have a lot more experience than I do in the circles. You have quite a bit of circle work and then accountability groups and so forth. Can you speak to some of that experience?

Polly Mertens: 36:57

Yeah, I’m just going to list them and then we can maybe have this in the show notes. So I’m going to say what they are and then we can touch on a couple of them, some examples, or tell some stories. So various flavors, various flavors of support groups and, you know, let’s call this loose or strict, so there’s accountability. That could be one-on-one, that could be one on many, um, I would even say friends can be support, right, so you can have, you know, the only thing that doesn’t turn into that codependent thing we talked about earlier. But you know your friends also.

Polly Mertens: 37:25

Uh, life coach or business coach, you know your thought partners in that space helping you in that area. A trainer you know physical trainer training for a specific objective. Mentors and mentorship we love that one right, um, I would loosely say the word women’s circle, which could have a lot of flavors, but, and there’s men’s circles as well, pardon me. So women’s and men’s circles, industry groups, you know, so you’re a part of an association or you know you belong to, like the Realtors Association or the, you know, car dealership association, something like that. Facebook groups are, you know, coming and going in popularity, but online groups, let’s call them as I look at you, Shady.

Polly Mertens: 38:06

You’re like, not me.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:08

I’m a no for those.

Polly Mertens: 38:11

And then I would say therapy, and there’s lots of modalities within, underneath the umbrella of therapy, so just let’s call it therapy. I like to lump into this healer modalities. So this can be your people that are helping you in mental, emotional, physical, you know so. It’s your hypnotherapist. It could be your body workers you know so. Physical therapists. It could be your. I don’t know people that read your auras, your tarot card readers. You know things like that. So whatever in kind of that more spiritual realm or physical realm, your modalities, masterminds are very popular.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:43

These days, oh yeah.

Polly Mertens: 39:00

Masterminds and those tend to be around work. I would say the yeah, oh yeah, different things. So in my community there’s even things like drum circles. People get around and they do drumming circle, people that are into vibration and stuff, and there’s some spirituality to that too. Spirit circles been in those. And then, you know, probably one of the longest standing groups and this is an experience you had recently is in the realm of what originally started as AA. Alcoholics Anonymous has many flavors. Now there’s, you know, gambling, overeating, drugs, you know whatever. And then the NA and then the offshoot of Al-Anon, which is for family members of people with addiction or dependencies and stuff like that. So that’s the. You know the breadth of the. I don’t know how many that is, but that’s a lot Okay.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:48

So nobody can be saying I can’t find one. I don’t know what you mean.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:53

It doesn’t have to be the one-on-one. That’s a specific thing and a very different experience in a group experience. What I also love about a lot of things that you’re talking about is a lot of them are free. Talking about is a lot of them are free, yes, yeah, and that is also fantastic, right, because these are resources and we do believe, obviously, in investing our time, energy, money, resources into our self in these ways, and we hope other people will too. But for a lot of people, it is a big constraint, right.

Polly Mertens: 40:27

What you often find is if it’s heavily facilitated or if there’s a body of work that somebody has created and is sharing you know. So perhaps in a mastermind group there’s a leader that you know has done X type of business that you’re wanting to do and shares a lot of how they do it, the how to’s right, and the mastermind group is other people that are of like mind also following this body of work right. So oftentimes you’re paying to be put in a group with like minded people sharing that information, that that let’s call it a guru.

Samantha Pruitt: 40:59

That’s not the best word, but you know some leader or somebody pioneer has created.

Polly Mertens: 41:04

But yeah, there’s lots of them that and there’s a whole thing of workshops. Know tony robbins has lots of events and things like that. Um, so whatever flavor, but there’s I mean, alanon has been around for like, or you know, alcoholics anonymous, been around for 100 years. It’s completely free.

Samantha Pruitt: 41:21

It’s amazing yeah, those kind of resources. So it’s basically depending on what your challenge is, if you will. Whatever your current thing is that you’re trying to tackle. That’s how you should start your search Right, and you can either find something very specific. Let’s say one of the A’s so there’s overeaters anonymous. There’s alcoholics anonymous. Narcotics anonymous. Gamblers anonymous yeah, sex gambling, shopping Okay.

Samantha Pruitt: 41:55

So all of those groups exist are free resources, yeah, and then the Al-Anon is for family members of all of those people, billions of people, I’m sure, globally, that are utilizing a group environment to be seen, heard, understood and to work through their stuff all the way into these professional little. Well, they’re not really micro because they’re not necessarily small. I know some of these business mastermind groups that you have belonged to and we have kind of looked at and introduced ourselves to are very powerful big groups. Right, they’re not necessarily small, but they’re very niche-y, right, it’s like they’re trying, people are trying to grow a particular type of business, specifically through some methodologies and then through the connections within that circle itself. Right, everybody’s there to accomplish a big thing within that circle itself, right.

Polly Mertens: 42:50

Everybody’s there to accomplish a big thing, yeah, and I, you know, I have seen I do believe in the value of working one-on-one with a business coach, you know. So, if somebody can be that, you know, tour guide, like we talked about earlier, like help you navigate the waters of whatever it is you’re wanting to go through, or they have a special ability in something that you’re facing, right, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve, um, you know, like you’ve had people in industries that you haven’t necessarily grown a business in, but you can still coach them because you understand teams, you understand negotiations, you understand culture, you understand pricing, marketing, things like that, right. So business coaches, um, and then the power I think of masterminds, um, where I have been in that. So you power, I think of masterminds, where I have been in them. So you know, I was a realtor. I still actually have a realtor’s license, so the California yeah, california other things.

Polly Mertens: 43:36

Yeah, California Association of Realtors, powerful lobbying organization. You know there’s National Association of Women Business Owners, nawbo. You know these groups that are very functional, meet, you know, networking things like that that can happen. And then I think, when you get very micro niche or, like you know, in my real estate days and real estate world we belong to house flipping, mastermind right, which was very specific for that and having the power of you know 50, a hundred of us maybe there was hundreds of us, I forget how many coming together and sharing stories.

Polly Mertens: 44:13

You know we weren’t competing with each other. We were like, hey, this is what I’ve learned in my market. It’s working on this post card, or I’m now using this provider for online leads, or this is a great phone service, or this is a great CRM, or we use this bookkeeper or whatever. It is like having a place to go to get those quick tip. They can leapfrog you. I mean, I can’t tell you when. You know we paid the money for that group. It was like holy cow. In one meeting we made that money back you know, like.

Polly Mertens: 44:46

You make that money back because it saves you money, because you don’t make stupid mistakes or you get a great strategy out of it and it makes you sell more things like that.

Samantha Pruitt: 44:55

I will say, irrelevant of what the thing is. So, whether it’s business or personal, health and wellness, fitness or life, whatever chaos is currently reigning, the ROI on these types of investment are insane Magnitudes. Insane Exactly. I mean, if it’s an addiction, of course, the ROI on just showing up and being accountable. It’s called you’re still alive. Yeah, yeah, you know.

Samantha Pruitt: 45:23

I mean, there’s so many things, so many things. So I think we touched on a lot and I know we might be drowning our audience a little bit because we’re getting fired up, I’m meaning to drown you.

Polly Mertens: 45:33

No, no, no. We’re meaning to uplift you and, like let’s, let’s. Yeah, I’m really hoping we’re opening the mind up to like wow, what, what you know?

Samantha Pruitt: 45:41

because what about me? That’s what they’re saying right now.

Polly Mertens: 45:44

Polly, and I hope what this is sparking for them. If they had enough interest to listen this far, they maybe are reaching for something you know in their own circle or seeing in their own life now, like maybe this would be helpful to me, and, boy, I could sure use help in that. Or if I had a circle of people around me that we could talk about this, oh my God, that could help me so much. Right, yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 46:10

Or one person. Yes. That one mentor, that one coach, that one person, that one thought partner in your life absolutely is worth all the time, energy, investment that it might take to find them and to build that relationship. We really want to empower people to do it today.

Polly Mertens: 46:31

They’re losing time. Yeah, and you know you don’t. You know going it alone, you know maybe that’s worked for you or what have you, especially as the business owner. There are so many groups out there, there’s so much resources, right, and people get very bogged down in the doing of their business that they don’t work on the business. They become that technician level or they, you know, get so focused on the day-to-day. They have trouble lifting up. And strategists, masterminds, you know whatever associations that can really take you out of the frame of mind of the day-to-day. Monday through Friday, whatever seven days a week, you’re working in your business. Maybe you go away to a workshop, you go to a mastermind that you fly across the country. Those things are invaluable, gets you with people of like mind to process things that you’re thinking about right. Or a coach.

Samantha Pruitt: 47:22

You know, if you can’t physically leave your space like, have a coach relationship, that oftentimes they’re remote, you know it doesn’t have to be in your city, it doesn’t have to be in your town, but you know, finding them, yeah, yeah, and the amount of time and energy that people spend trying to figure out, um, how to heal their bodies and their brains you know, I know cause I’ve spent, uh, I don’t know, 25 years.

Samantha Pruitt: 47:45

I don’t know 25 years, maybe 30 years. Yeah, wow, I’m aging myself right now, but that’s a lot of time and energy to invest. And what we’re saying is basically, if you have a tour guide, if you will, or some group, if you will, that helps facilitate that process quicker and brings you more information and resources like, why would you say no to that? So this is kind of a no-brainer, huh.

Polly Mertens: 48:11

Well, one last thought I just want to leave people with, and we said maybe we would go into the story and I’ll just maybe tell it in a short way is my experience stepping into OA as a teenager. So when I was about 14 or 16, I walked into an OA Overeaters Anonymous room because I had an an OA for the group Yep Overeaters Anonymous room because I had an eating disorder.

Polly Mertens: 48:30

My mom, thankfully, had tried to help me, brought me to this meeting and you know I’m a quirky teenager back of the room, don’t look at me. What am I doing here with all these old people, you know, just cloaked in shame I mean absolutely wearing my shame, 100% from head to toe and the woman in the middle of the room. As is classic in AA type, oa type meetings, the purpose is sharing of stories of recovery and in about 10 minutes someone, some woman, had shared her story from beginning to end from you know, desolate life of I don’t know whatever she was doing to herself, I don’t even whatever she was doing to herself food. But I don’t even remember the story. I just remember being in that room and how I felt for the first time, hearing her vulnerability and sharing what had happened to her and how she got out of it.

Polly Mertens: 49:20

And it was like, oh my God, I’m not the only person with this problem. I’m not. I’m, there’s nothing wrong like, nothing wrong with me, I’m not broken, you know, whatever people want to say, but it was like I felt seen, even though nobody was like pointing at me. I was like I see myself in her Right and it was a doorway for me, a stepping stone. I didn’t like walk out of there, boom, never, you know over eight again.

Polly Mertens: 49:46

But I at first like the shame. I could open that cloak, take it off in that room and be like these people understand me, these people get me, and I didn’t even have to tell anybody my story. It’s just a safe space and so if that’s something that people are facing is a level of shame or guilt or, you know, regret about things that they’re doing to themselves or not feeling good about or whatever these places, while they may be like, I don’t know that I would have necessarily walked myself or would have had the courage at that time, given how deep I was in my addictive behavior to have you know, raised my hand and walked into those rooms.

Polly Mertens: 50:24

God, I would tell anybody now. Absolutely do that. It takes a big old mess of courage to do that, but you don’t even have to say anything Like that’s what happened for me, probably for the first 10 meetings, is I never said a word, I just got to listen to other people’s stories, cried my tears I mean tears upon tears of just a feeling for them in the moment of their vulnerability and then feeling for myself for what I was going through, and not even having to tell anybody about but I just it was a safe place where I could feel. Finally, all that I was going through, wow amazing.

Polly Mertens: 51:08

So so, so good yeah so we want that for everybody yeah, so take that step if that’s and you know whoever’s listening to this that might not be what they need. You know they’re like I don’t have an addiction, or maybe they do, or maybe they’ve got a relationship that’s an addicted one, addicted loved one or something and you don’t even have to say anything.

Polly Mertens: 51:31

Right, that’s the beauty. Not all groups have that dynamic, you know. So these women’s groups and different things that are very much designed to help you talk and share your story. But I can promise you the AA model, oa model is you don’t have to say a thing, you can walk in and walk out. You don’t have to say a thing to another soul and you can still be gotten Like you can feel, seen and heard and understood. So it’s beautiful.

Samantha Pruitt: 51:58

That’s so powerful, that’s incredibly powerful. I mean there’s billions of people right now suffering in some way shape or form with the multitude of addictions that are out there now. There’s so many things and there’s so many people then that are impacted by those. So just to know that things like that are available everywhere, always, and they’re free, that’s just mind boggling.

Polly Mertens: 52:28

Yeah, you know, and I just want to say it can be the small. You know like when you’re in the depths of an addictive behavior, it’s like you don’t have the strength to A, you’re fighting against yourself. You know you’re in this constant hamster wheel of like beating yourself up and addict. You know pattern behavior of drinking, eating, whatever it is, just even having the strength to like fight against it or whatever. But if you can, it’s amazing the strength that I got out of going and just listening to other people. I was filled, my cup was filled when I left, so I didn’t feel like I was alone, I didn’t feel like I needed, you know, to do anything. But the shame, like I could walk out of there, empty my shame cup and leave filled in a whole new way and it just gives you strength to go up against these things that feel insurmountable, if you will at the time.

Samantha Pruitt: 53:26

You know, we’re going to have to do an entire episode on this, because this is called real life, people yeah, real life. Yeah for sure, and we need to have these hard conversations with people. Okay.

Polly Mertens: 53:41

And know that there’s paths. There’s paths, there’s groups, there’s support, there’s growth. You know we tried to put a positive spin on this like growth team, but in essence it’s sometimes it’s a healing team. Yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 53:54

Yeah, right, yeah, in our coaching we do a lot of healing work right? People are suffering. It’s a real thing.

Polly Mertens: 54:00

Mental, emotional, physical, you know, spiritual, all of it. We are here for all of it, girl, all right. What’s our one thing? How do we want to Ooh?

Samantha Pruitt: 54:24

Well, to me, there’s a primary reason that any and all humans who are listening to this right now and who will ever listen to this in the perpetuity of you know podcast existence. The driving force behind it is to be seen and to be heard. So these are places that exist, and if they don’t exist, you’re going to create your own, through a relationship in some capacity, where you can be seen and you can be heard, and that’s where change happens, that’s where healing happens, that’s where transformation happens. That’s where transformation happens. We all deserve that in our life and we need to find it. We need to go out and create it and be brave enough to step into the room and be part of that process.

Polly Mertens: 55:00

Yeah, and I hope if you’ve heard anything in this, it’s to be inspired to find something for yourself If you’ve been wanting some growth, needing some change, feeling some shame, you know whatever. Like we hope after this you will take action. You and I were talking about it. It was like like give me that phone, make that phone call, like do that thing, go online right now, find the thing, find a group, you know, call someone, anything like take an action. If this has inspired you, that you feel like I need a group, I need a mastermind, I need a coach, I need something like don’t click off and don’t do anything. Like within the next you know hour, take a step, one step, whatever that could look like for you. Yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 55:41

And if you can’t figure it out, would you please contact us and we will direct you in the right direction. I mean, we’re happy to facilitate that as well. Yeah, yeah, we exist for these reasons, for sure, for sure. All right, let’s wrap it up lady.

Polly Mertens: 55:56

All right, my dear, what do we want to remind people so good? Yes, we do.

Samantha Pruitt: 56:02

We want to remind each and every one of you how your life feels is more important than how it looks.

Polly Mertens: 56:09

And every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.

Samantha Pruitt: 56:14

Yes, lady.