Samantha Pruitt: 0:20

Hey everybody, sam here. Sorry for the upcoming sound issue, but Polly’s microphone was acting up a little bit and we promised she really wasn’t the same room with me. Hey, superstars, welcome back Polly here. And Sam, what’s up? Beautiful humans.

Polly Mertens: 0:36

Hey, what are we talking about today, Sam?

Samantha Pruitt: 0:38

We are talking about something so scary.

Polly Mertens: 0:43

Fear yeah.

Samantha Pruitt: 0:44

Fear.

Polly Mertens: 0:45

Yeah, fear Little f big f. Little fear is big fear right.

Samantha Pruitt: 0:49

One thousand percent. It is an emotion that all humans experience.

Polly Mertens: 0:54

Yeah, sometimes we forget that, and you know, one of the things that we really want to focus on in this one is fear of failure and success right.

Samantha Pruitt: 1:02

Yeah, we’re going to talk about the two different types and what that looks like. We’re going to unpack a lot of things today. They’re going to make people really uncomfortable and for some reason, that brings me a lot of joy. So let’s get started. What is fear? What is fear? So there’s a couple different things that are actually fear. One is what you like to call the global conversation that is fear-based. Our society just thrives off of this, unfortunately, and it’s the external inputs that come into our ears, our eyeballs, our thoughts, emotions, our cells, into our energy that are fear-based things we expose ourselves to every day. The news, yeah.

Polly Mertens: 1:51

I’m really glad that you said the word energy, because I was going to interject that, because I think that’s exactly what it is and I’ve studied different. You know I’m big on frequency and internal energy systems, whether that’s like life force or the vibration that we have inside of ourselves. We would say positive emotions, or higher vibrations, the joy, the love, the appreciation, those types of vibrations. And then we have lower states, lower energy vibrations, the shame, doubt, fear, guilt, things like that. So fear falls into that lower vibration. So I appreciate what you just said about the energy in the world. The conversation in the world tends to be at an octave or a vibration lower than I think we’re.

Polly Mertens: 2:38

That’s what we’re up to is raising people’s vibration. You know that’s what Everyday Awesome is about.

Samantha Pruitt: 2:42

And the reason it’s so important to look at fear in the face is because it has such a low vibration. It has an incredible negative impact on your mental and physical health. Not just the health of the world, but you, the individual listening to this right now, the human on the other side. The amount of negative energy that comes with fear in your life really can make you ill mentally and physically. Yeah, literally.

Polly Mertens: 3:11

Yeah, yeah, it can transform, so you know the frequency that you’re vibing at. You see this in people you know, you see people when they’re unhealthy. What do they want to do? They want to like slow down, regroup, whatever, and a lot of it has to do with you know we talk a lot in sports about inflammation and things like that and that’s resistance.

Polly Mertens: 3:29

If you ask me. I studied. It is just resistance in the body that builds up. Builds up kind of like plucking your veins or you know, arthritis in your joints, things like that. It’s just build up of resistance that you haven’t flowed through.

Samantha Pruitt: 3:44

Stuck energy. Stuck energy.

Polly Mertens: 3:46

So let’s talk about fear of failure.

Samantha Pruitt: 3:48

So, yeah, two types of fear we’re going to talk about today, the first being fear of failure, which most people are really, you know, have a huge awareness to, and walk around on the daily with that just sort of sitting on their shoulder, holds them back from doing all kinds of things in their life, implementing all kinds of changes that are long overdue or really reaching their full potential. And the second one we’re going to talk about is fear of success, which is the polar opposite of that, but equally harmful, equally really just life robbing, if you will, potential robbing, and it’s kind of derivatives of the same thing, you know.

Polly Mertens: 4:30

I mean it’s can be story and whatnot, and yeah, so so fear of failure.

Samantha Pruitt: 4:39

let’s just start with that and dig in just a little bit. My friend, I’d like you to share some of your personal story. You have crushed many, many, many fears and you’re actually in the business of doing that, and since we’re spending more time together, I get to watch and read it.

Polly Mertens: 4:57

It’s so fun. You know, I think the thing to be totally transparent about is we’re not that cold, perfect, oh you know, like I really want to know we’re talking about this because we need to talk about this, like for ourselves.

Samantha Pruitt: 5:10

We’re living it.

Polly Mertens: 5:11

Yeah, like we hope that by sharing just some of our experiences and journey Supports and helps people if they’re facing something that feels like a mountain or, you know, to big to climb or feels like that wall. You know, if you’re working sometimes feel like wall and having a new relationship with that and, as we said, you know, kind of alluded to small f’s and big f’s right so.

Polly Mertens: 5:32

I guess you know, before we went on air, I was sharing, you know, big fears for me, or fears that I’ve overcome. Let’s say, you’re transformed is capital F’s capital laughs, and you pointed out to me that they all happen, or several times in my life They’ve happened at the same time. So, leaving unfulfilling relationships, leaving a job I’m fulfilling job let’s say, leaving an area or a city.

Samantha Pruitt: 5:58

That’s no longer serving you.

Polly Mertens: 5:59

That’s no longer serving me. Yeah, so I was living. So I’ll just give one example and come fast forward. So, living in Silicon Valley in my 20s At a job that just didn’t feel like it was my potential or my future, hey, silicon Valley was growing rapidly, you know. I had, you know, move there, grown up there, and it was, you know, smaller, it just felt smaller. And then just the influx of people into the Silicon Valley and the San Francisco Bay area just came on In heated ways and San Francisco’s had heat waves of that over its life and then Relationship had just sort of plateaued. It wasn’t going anywhere, what not? So just how I defined my life was like.

Samantha Pruitt: 6:42

And because you’re a bundle or you like to bundle things, these things all happened at once or within a 30 day.

Polly Mertens: 6:48

Yeah, well, so sometimes one decision can ah, you know, can affect multiple areas of our life, right? So my decision looked like Leaving the job, going back to NBA school and relocating to a new town to do that right. And miles of an up, a way that the relationship wouldn’t survive, and I exited the relationship, you know it wasn’t worth bringing the lover with you. Yeah and it was part of the strategy.

Polly Mertens: 7:12

Okay, as well as like you know, this isn’t going where I want it to go, so anyway. So you know, capital F’s like you know what, if small amount of money you know saved, don’t know what I’m gonna do after pursuing that MBA. So okay, you got a year and a half, two years to figure that out, I guess. New town, new start, new friends, new like whoa right, whoa yeah, whoa. Whole lot of identity shifting so. And then, you know, so fast forward. So that was one time. Another time did it when I Divorced. My husband at the time sold my house, jumped in the RV, wait hold on the first bundle was in your 20s Okay, got you.

Samantha Pruitt: 7:53

Now we’re 40s Okay, tracking, yeah.

Polly Mertens: 7:56

So Leave a six-figure job, leave a husband, sell a house jumping an RV dramatic life, just poof, still bundling, yeah so and. And then the third one was most recently was similarly not full-time I’m, but I am looking for new, like we’re down here in beautiful Palm Springs area, laquita, and that was a step from where I’ve been living for the last 20 years or more.

Polly Mertens: 8:22

So, left a relationship, left you know good income, left that area and Still don’t know what the future holds, you might say right. So something we talked about just before, as I was sharing this is you know, I’m very big in understanding what’s called neuro linguistic programming. It’s how the mind stores Our stories, are our past or our relationship to things. So, as I told you these three stories, my relationship, I would say, to my experience in my 20s Was I was this little tiny person standing on the top of a really big skyscraper.

Polly Mertens: 8:58

Okay and that felt like a huge leap and I still did it. Oh, you know the falling, like what’s gonna happen. And in my 40s it felt like maybe a four-story building and I wasn’t like human size, like my normal size, let’s say so, you know, human size person standing on the top of a four-story building. And most recently in my relationship I would say to how I just transformed last year, big pivot year, was like I’m huge, like I’m like what are the jack and the bean stuff, barbie, you know, like from the movie, like I just got Jumbo Barbie ginormous and it.

Polly Mertens: 9:34

You know you could put me on any building size. However, I had a relationship to it, but I felt like I was big enough, right, like, oh yeah, I can take this on, so you know, what’s fascinating is the fact that you made in each of these decades in your 20s, in your 40s and in your 50s.

Samantha Pruitt: 9:52

Now, these Leaps into the fear, fire, but in three areas of your life at one time don’t recommend that, not saying do that.

Polly Mertens: 10:05

I’m just saying that’s not my life.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:07

But it can be done and sometimes it is what is required.

Polly Mertens: 10:12

Yeah, I guess you know when the, as they say, you know when the pain of staying the same Is greater than the pain of making the change people will change, right. Pauli makes a change when three areas of her life do not align with how she sees herself, how she wants life to be, if you will, because I am a huge believer in life by design, right.

Polly Mertens: 10:35

And so you know, when you get far enough down whatever ladder of success you’re pursuing, or the life that you think you want, or You’re in a relationship or whatever that looks like and it’s not turning out Like you want, you have the power to.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:51

Or like you deserve. So I have a question for you, based on those three different instances so far in your lifetime. Who knows what’s going to be?

Polly Mertens: 10:58

happening in the second half.

Samantha Pruitt: 10:59

Just wait, but I’m huge now in your 20s, in your 40s and then recently in your 50s, just over 50. Um, how did you tackle fear in those different instances? So the first time you were in your 20s, how did you tackle it? Gosh, you know, I’m not even that’s a massive leap.

Polly Mertens: 11:18

Yeah, I can’t even quite remember. In my 20s there was probably 10 things I did, you know. So I think when we get to the steps that we wanna share with people, we can kind of break down some ideas. One thing that I’m a fan of and I’ve done this in different areas small fears and big fears, but the bigger the fear, I feel like, the more you need to spend time with it you kinda need to have a if you’re going to pursue it, pass through it, change your relationship to it.

Polly Mertens: 11:44

It’s involve spending some time with yourself and that fear that story. So I know one of the things is I wrote down all the possibilities.

Samantha Pruitt: 11:52

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, just same beliefs. So what ifs?

Polly Mertens: 11:55

Yeah, so like when I was sitting in Silicon Valley and I said what is the possibility of moving to San Luis Obispo? Not having work? Like no relationship.

Samantha Pruitt: 12:03

Being by yourself, Knowing no one right, what could that look like? Right and so just and having no money, well, we’re gonna eat top ramen, we’re gonna live with a friend, I mean. So you work through it. You literally like make a list and work through it.

Polly Mertens: 12:17

Yeah, and I would say at some point need to A look at yourself and say what are the? How resourceful am I? Can I find a job? Can I tackle if this shows up? Can I tackle if that shows up? What if I do this? What if I do that? And that’s based on either some experience you’ve had or just a belief in yourself or pulling on experiences you’ve had in other areas of your life. So at that time in my 20s I had still been doing quite a bit of traveling and one of the things I wanted to say is are you travel and trying first? Experiences are huge growth opportunities, cause then things are gonna break down Like get out of your comfort zone people.

Polly Mertens: 12:58

Yeah, so like we live out of a backpack, backpacking, backpacking, like I was like. Why are you advising it’s like, go backpacking.

Samantha Pruitt: 13:07

Or, like you, travel international with a backpack and live out of the backpack. You did that. That’s real life there, yeah, by yourself.

Polly Mertens: 13:13

Yeah, I mean yeah, okay, If you don’t think it’s safe or whatever okay, whatever your fear level is, Like I was like all right, just get a passport, get a whatever.

Polly Mertens: 13:21

And now I travel internationally, go to I might have been to Columbia all sorts of countries that people wouldn’t necessarily think that’s safe or whatever. I’m alive, you know. So that’s that resilience, that resourcefulness, that self belief that gets created, I think, over time. You know, as a 50-something year old woman now, I have a long history of the resourcefulness that I grew in other areas. You know, not necessarily. You know it wasn’t like I’ve left 15 jobs in my life. Maybe I haven’t.

Samantha Pruitt: 13:50

No, I was gonna say don’t make us count.

Polly Mertens: 13:53

But, like you know, having it, having the resourcefulness and building the tool kit, the muscles and mental stamina in other areas like oh well, I could probably find a job, I could probably find a place to live, I can probably you know whatever. Tell yourself, it doesn’t have to necessarily be built in that one area, right. So, somebody having a relationship that they’re leaving. Maybe they are strong in you know, resourceful in building businesses or something it’s like yeah okay, well, you can find another relationship.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:24

Mm-hmm mm-hmm. That’s so awesome, that’s so awesome You’re.

Polly Mertens: 14:29

I mean, you’ve got mountains.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:31

I’ve done the big S and the little S.

Polly Mertens: 14:33

Let’s talk about the little one. This morning, like this morning, you go to the gym.

Samantha Pruitt: 14:36

And so little Fs. You were really reciting some personal big Fs and I’ve done those too. Quit the job, quit the relationship, move, do the thing radical. Yeah, big Fs are effing fun, but little f’s are critical building blocks to be able to do the big f’s. So a lot of people out there, you know, maybe haven’t had something go all that terribly wrong or they’re not suffering that much in their life or haven’t as of yet, and that’s okay, right, but it doesn’t mean they don’t need to build the f muscle and do the little f’s. So little f’s, a really simple one. That happened today at the gym that I shared with you. I’ll share with you. Audiences Went into the gym. I do crossfit on top of all the other shenanigans I’m up to. Sometimes you go, I have no idea. I don’t look at the workout in advance. A lot of people do. That’s not part of my MO. So, roland, don’t know what is expected. And then we’re all looking at the workout and the coaches talking us through and demonstrating the workout and the fear is growing.

Samantha Pruitt: 15:39

And the fear is mounting the terror on my face and my compadres in the gym Literally we’re all staring at each other like what is happening. That was a Metcon If anyone’s a crossfitter they’ll know what I’m talking about there and basically we had to do a series of very challenging exercises, repeatedly, alternating exercises over and over, and very difficult moves. So toes to bar, you know devil’s press, which is a burpee into a dumbbell shoulder, like all these things, rowing, whatever and we had to do all of those things repeatedly in under a 20 minute time.

Polly Mertens: 16:22

So you’re standing there like oh, fear is mounting.

Samantha Pruitt: 16:28

So what does?

Polly Mertens: 16:28

that feel like in the body. What’s your experience?

Samantha Pruitt: 16:30

So anxiety is a really normal reaction. If there’s some fear, usually it’ll start bubbling as a little anxiety, like you know. It can be a little sweaty, a little heart palpitation, like what’s about to happen. You know, your breathing might shift, your body chemistry is definitely shifting, by the way, when all these things are happening and it can run away from you. So if you don’t build these small F’s on a regular basis and these muscles, then it will run away from you. So, public speaking, it runs away from people all the time. Right, that’s an example of it just goes and they can’t function. So have a conversation with the small F, recognize what’s happening and be friends with it, right.

Polly Mertens: 17:12

Embrace it, and I think something we talked about in another episode on emotional fitness is like we do our emotions. So you are the one having that emotion in the moment.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:23

You are not the emotion.

Polly Mertens: 17:24

Yes, we can be triggered. You know you were very triggered, totally Boom Like. The story was like oh, it’s about to happen here.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:32

This is going to hurt and I can’t do it.

Polly Mertens: 17:37

Failure is inevitable so the story shows up. The story showed up and that’s what puts the fear there. It’s like, oh crap, I’m not going to get this done.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:46

Then what Then?

Polly Mertens: 17:47

what? And then whatever the mind goes on to say Right.

Samantha Pruitt: 17:51

Yes, and you get that trigger of all those emotions and all those chemicals, like you said. Yeah, and the environment was feeding that because everyone else was having the same reaction.

Polly Mertens: 17:59

We’re all like oh my.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:00

God, we’re all right. So we’re all like triggering each other, and then we’re gathering the equipment that’s required for this insane workout and then we’re all sort of you know getting our, and I was like settle down Sam.

Samantha Pruitt: 18:12

So that’s where emotional fitness, that’s the fitness, Emotional fitness muscles had to be exercised and it was definitely my own mental strength, flexibility and endurance to be able to be strong enough to handle what was about to happen, no matter if I failed to be flexible and nimble enough to adapt if need be Right, and then to have the endurance to show the hell up and go the distance. I’m committed to myself, my personal health, fitness, wellness, my physical goals, all the things Growing as a human being. I’m so committed to that journey that I have those things and I will exercise them as often as possible so I get better at navigating these things and what I think is important to point out in this moment is you stepped up for yourself, like you didn’t let fear.

Polly Mertens: 19:05

You know that could have gone incredibly downhill and what would have probably showed up is lack of performance, you stopping or giving up or doing it half-assed we talked about. When fear show up, there’s like three things Do nothing, do nothing Like leave the building Run. So do nothing. Like don’t change the relationship, don’t change the work. You know, whatever Don’t do what your heart is calling you to do, do it anyway, like you know some people do half-assed. You know so you’re doing it, but you’re kind of like skulking through that fear. You’re just sort of like this doesn’t feel good. Or then there’s like I’m freaking, doing this Right, like look out, like burning bridges as you go, all in Right, and I think you would say in that exercise you’re like I’m all in right.

Samantha Pruitt: 19:53

I went all in and, to be clear, I was not sure what was going to happen. I really had some legitimate fear of failing and not actually meeting the time hack. That’s a very reasonable assumption for me to have made. It doesn’t matter. I was still willing to go all in A see what was possible, do my very best and see what would happen next, irrelevant of the failure. So I leaped into the fire.

Polly Mertens: 20:25

That’s how I look at it so fast forward. You know you finish in 16 minutes and you come back. How did you feel after that?

Samantha Pruitt: 20:34

I am telling you girl.

Polly Mertens: 20:37

You probably peeled out.

Samantha Pruitt: 20:39

I finished that workout under the time hack, and not only under the time hack. I freaking blew it up, I crushed it. 16 minutes. I blew my own mind 16 minutes and four seconds. I didn’t think I could do it under 20 minutes, so I blew my own mind and of course I celebrated. But I also, like, took a moment to recognize the conquering of that fear and the understanding of a fully developed emotional fitness. You know repertoire toolbox that allowed me to navigate that and make that happen. And then I went and celebrated with coffee. Of course that’s what I do all the time.

Polly Mertens: 21:18

Celebrate, celebrate, and the rest of your day is standing on the shoulders of that success.

Samantha Pruitt: 21:26

That is 1000%. Not the rest of my day, the rest of my life, lady, it will be stacking absolutely. Yeah, because I walk into that gym five days a week and I walk into workouts anywhere from seven to 14 times a week. Extrapolate that over my month and year towards my goal this year of Iron Woman and Chattanooga in the spring, or, sorry, in the fall. That’s a lot of building of the mind and also the mind you walk into the rest of your life.

Polly Mertens: 21:59

Yeah, every arena You’re likely to make different decisions. Different choices, different conversations will be had. I mean, we walked into this podcast. I was like I think she’s going to talk a little louder than usual, because there’s so much energy, you have blown your own mind. You’ve raised your vibration. We talked about you’re like vying at this lookout world I can do anything. State right that’s possible in that state is so much more potential than in a low state.

Samantha Pruitt: 22:28

And how it translates what you’re saying. How does it translate into your relationship life with your people? How does it translate into your work life with your team or with your business, or how you perceive what’s going on in your professional space?

Polly Mertens: 22:40

And I think part of what this story tells me is sometimes a lot of little F fear and overcome, fear and overcome. I call them small wins, like do things that you think are small or hard or whatever, and having those wins with yourself builds what you just described those muscles yeah, those muscles.

Samantha Pruitt: 22:59

So that’s fear of failure.

Samantha Pruitt: 23:01

Let’s talk about fear of success. So one of the things that was really interesting for me when I got really into coaching above and beyond the personal training and the endurance sports and triathlon and running on all that stuff and really moved into the arena of the deeper level with the human, is so many people had high, high hopes and goals for their life. So in all areas and as we would start to peel back those layers and explore what was possible for them and new strategies, new skills, etc. Over and over and over again, I would come against their wall of fear. But it was directly related to if they succeed. So a lot of these people had worked through the figure of failure piece, were willing to try and go again anyway and show up and show up and show up, like we just discussed. But there was this other thing still looming and it fascinated me and then I actually started to really look at myself and say, hey, I think I’m doing this also. Can you speak to fear of success a little bit and your ideas about that?

Polly Mertens: 24:12

Well, I would say briefly there there are some of interrelated, you know, as we’ve both alluded to, a lot of it’s this inner conversation that story that’s going on and so fear of success.

Polly Mertens: 24:24

Sometimes, when it manifests it looks like super high expectations not going to meet them it can. People are telling themselves often a story that if I have success it’s going to lead to bad things such as isolation, loneliness. They fear they’re going to change in a way that’s going to be bad, detrimental either to their relationships, you know so people will leave me, people will think I have so much money so they won’t like me anymore. What will people think if I, you know, like all this outer right? They just have a negative association, whatever that looks like, to having the success, the achievement of I, if I lost all this weight and I, like you know, so one, you know I was talking with a client the other day is, you know, carrying around 10 or 20 extra pounds, and a female, not a male, but carrying around 10 or 20 extra pounds, I say weight is often a symptom.

Polly Mertens: 25:22

And there’s usually a cause that you have to look somewhere else. So sometimes when we’ll carry extra weight as a way of not, you know, seeing themselves as attractive, because then it would attract too much attention, as an example right, so then they’d have this attention on them, and they don’t want that.

Samantha Pruitt: 25:38

Right.

Polly Mertens: 25:38

So that’s just one example. But how about?

Samantha Pruitt: 25:40

you Just to dovetail on that real quick. I’ve seen that a lot too, where people are carrying extra weight or they’re just making bad nutritional choices for their body and brain, irrelevant if they have any extra weight or not, and they directly correlate those bad choices to community and who they choose to eat and drink with and all the behaviors that are not serving their body and brain. But they don’t want to change that because what would happen to the connections with those humans and they would feel a sense of rejection from society, or from their tribe, if you will, if they made those changes. That’s also super common.

Polly Mertens: 26:18

And you know, with the sea level people that we coach, you know, let’s say it’s a sea level female and a lot of like what will happen if I, you know, we talked about. You know, a lot of people will maybe pursue success and achieve it and then like, but that’s not the only thing that they want, Right, Living these sort of quiet lives of desperation because they don’t have the body that they want to take care of.

Polly Mertens: 26:42

You know they don’t feel good in their body. They’re not taking vacations. That doesn’t feel good to anybody. Sorry you know, you can they’re not having deep relationships are not having deep relationships. It’s very lopsided life. And you know they’ve created this outer like oh, what will people think if I have bounced?

Polly Mertens: 26:59

don’t hustle as much you know, take a step back, take some time off, whatever, right, so? So it’s kind of a lingering fear, I would say, at least with the fear of success. The success has its own personality or identity. And who would I be, you know that imposter Like what? Would what would that mean if I wasn’t? You know, crushing myself, crushing my body, you know how will I be seen and perceived?

Samantha Pruitt: 27:25

And then, of course, there’s the I’m not worthy.

Polly Mertens: 27:28

Which is the root of every, all of it, all things.

Samantha Pruitt: 27:31

Yeah, all of it.

Polly Mertens: 27:32

Yeah, you know the. I think what you described in your story is the perfect or not perfect, but is the ideal scenario of how to transform that relationship to I am worthy because there is no. I am worthy in your body, when you just showed yourself what you’re capable of Exactly.

Samantha Pruitt: 27:51

Like there’s.

Polly Mertens: 27:51

No, I am not worthy living in your body. Yeah, your vibration is aligned with who you’re seeing yourself as, as your potential like you even blew your mind where you thought your potential was like oh my God, if I can do that right.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:02

And I would say, like we did, that you have to do it over and over and over again, right you? And I are not saying we’re champions of all things in the world and crushing all areas.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:11

We thrive, we seek and thrive off of the opportunity to leap into the fire, to be clear, fire being fear, and you know what’s possible for us. And so it’s a mindset shift that then, in turn, changes your thoughts and then your actions towards actually showing up and doing the things, because most people just wouldn’t even show up, they would stay home.

Polly Mertens: 28:37

And I’d love to translate some of this to the steps and things. One of the things that I saw just in my last couple of weeks, as I’m starting my Ironman training is spending more time on the bike.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:48

Oh my gosh, we’re right, yeah, right.

Polly Mertens: 28:51

She’s a roadie, now, you know. And like, if you tell me oh, I gotta do four hours of hiking or running or something like that, like, okay, like.

Samantha Pruitt: 28:57

I can get up for that.

Polly Mertens: 28:58

But like working up towards more and more biking, I can feel my inner resolve growing like such a badass.

Polly Mertens: 29:07

Like getting myself to like this morning. I was like, okay, get up, because I was going to go for an outdoor ride. That didn’t happen, go for an indoor ride. I’m like I’m sitting in that bike for 40 to give me fucking minutes and nothing is happening besides me and that pedal and that damn machine. You know, as they say, like people will die before, like I’m doing that and I did that and then I went and ran for five minutes just to feel that funkiness of transition, right, that happens in triathlon.

Polly Mertens: 29:34

I was like give me anything today. Exactly, you know exactly. So, I do agree with you that the physical resilience, those moments where we do things that we don’t think we can, or hard, or whatever our personal limitations that we set upon ourselves when we push past those, you can translate that into so many areas of your life.

Samantha Pruitt: 29:54

I just got this good visual when you were telling that story of you chewing on coal before you jumped into the fire and using that as your fuel, and then jumping into the fire and like that being your fuel source, and then, of course we know, coal transforming into diamonds, right? So that whole process of like chewing on the coal and jumping in the fire.

Samantha Pruitt: 30:16

I was like, yes, and what’s fun about this, too, is, you know, we’re not even we’re not doing this together, like I’m going to a totally different gym doing different things, you’re doing different things, but we’re having this really shared journey and what’s important to us is sharing it with the audience and taking them on the journey with us, because we want them to be challenging themselves. We’re not here to talk about what we’re up to every day. We’re here to talk about what you can be up to Absolutely Okay human. So let’s dig into that. I want to unpack secondarily, like never mind all of these things, what they are and what they smell like and taste like, and you know the suffering that can happen, but why you do it. Let’s get some actionable steps for people.

Polly Mertens: 30:55

I think one of the things that we just talked about that I just epiphany is like challenging yourself Like that’s how I look at it is like whatever. That is right. So we have talked a lot today about the physical challenges and that really translates, I think, to a state in the body. But like, whatever that challenge is for anyone who’s listening, like if you’re listening to this and whatever is challenging for you, it might not be physical, Like you totally got that or you just are like I’m going to use a relationship as an example.

Samantha Pruitt: 31:24

Yeah, because a lot of people post pandemic world now, you know, got into very dysfunctional relationships during the pandemic because they were locked inside with people that made them crazy or, you know, they zoomed themselves to death, whatever it was. But the relationship with other humans became complicated.

Polly Mertens: 31:42

And maybe with their intimate partner. You know so like what would be. So here’s an example. So one of the things when I entered into a relationship not that long ago that I challenged myself to do, you know, and I had other things tied to this and I can explain why, but anyway, the challenge was send my partner a love note every day.

Samantha Pruitt: 32:00

Okay.

Polly Mertens: 32:01

And so I did that for at least two years. Like two years, oh yeah, yeah what, and maybe even more, but I know for fact every day.

Samantha Pruitt: 32:12

Was this in a form of a text or a post? It note yes.

Polly Mertens: 32:15

Dang and I would sometimes would need more. You know, but you know. So if you talk about relationships, what are you committed to?

Samantha Pruitt: 32:24

What are you committed to?

Polly Mertens: 32:24

Like what would be a challenge for you, like for me. That like, yes, I have good discipline muscles of that, but but it was the thought, it was the thinking of the other person, it was the imagining our life together. It was, you know, it was like putting my love out there, you know, in a people, a disciplined, way yeah Right Like focusing on what I wanted more of in my life, which was love flowing.

Polly Mertens: 32:44

So, what’s challenging for you. It doesn’t have to be physical. It could be something like this you know whatever, so, so, yeah, so, finding something that’s challenging to you, putting yourself up against it and doing it, and it might blow your mind. I think the other one, as I pointed out in my story, is really looking at the scenarios. If you’ve got a big F, I think, the more you can do to like play out all the scenarios right, all down, don’t just mental masturbation and think about it.

Polly Mertens: 33:15

All the rumination is ruins the good mind, it ruins the good mind.

Samantha Pruitt: 33:19

It’s a death nail of everything. So I think a possible outcome.

Polly Mertens: 33:22

So remember your mind is focusing on what could go wrong, but what could go right is also available, so give it as much airtime.

Samantha Pruitt: 33:30

Okay, and write it down. And write it down, okay. And then I would say, after all that, show up and do something. You know, I know I default to activity and using the physical body for change in transformation, but I believe so strongly that in the emotional fitness arena, all of these things to actually elevate your psychological state, your mental health and well-being, you know your highest calibration in the world does require utilizing the physical body. So simple things like showing up at the gym or at the starting line of an event, or committing to register for an event or whatever, somehow showing up into making a physical commitment to yourself and walking into the room is the first step, yeah, telling the person that you’re struggling with like we need to have a conversation right or show up show up or, you know, put some vacation time on your calendar if you haven’t given yourself vacation right.

Polly Mertens: 34:32

Or hire an assistant or whatever it is like. Take an action. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take one. You know that first step wholeheartedly.

Samantha Pruitt: 34:41

Yeah, I mean, for a lot of people, they maybe need to invest in some self-care, and so it would be maybe utilizing some of the money that they’ve made and the time and energy that they have, which is, these are the big resources that all humans have to some varying level, and investing it in a physical process. So it could be massage, acupuncture. Massage therapy is obviously great, any kind of physical body work, but it could also be emotional work with a coach or with a therapist, so redirecting some of the things that they value so greatly back into themselves in a different way.

Polly Mertens: 35:19

Very invest. Yeah, Redefine what it looks like for them their life wholeheartedly right, I would say from a mental kind of emotional standpoint, you know, in the mindset. So you pointed out beautifully that in that moment when you were triggered in the gym this morning, you know, the mind went oh crap, I’m not gonna finish this or some version of that. It went to the dark side and I’ve done a lot of hard things, by the way.

Samantha Pruitt: 35:45

So let me just say this is normal, so it’s normal, you know whatever story that showed up, but you paused.

Polly Mertens: 35:54

You had a moment of ability to step out of being triggered. Yeah so in that moment it was like I don’t know how long it went on. Usually, emotions have about a 90 second life span. Okay so, like the chemicals flow through your body literally and then they get flushed out Because like a spike, usually, usually, unless you like to ruminate, and then you can keep yourself in all kinds of things for an endearing amount of time. Not good. So look at the story and then the beliefs you’re telling yourself and see if you can debunk them right.

Samantha Pruitt: 36:20

So, noticing and paying attention to what is going on in that mind of?

Polly Mertens: 36:24

yours Exactly and refuting it, revising it, updating it, having a conversation with it.

Samantha Pruitt: 36:31

Yeah, I call it like recalibration is the term that I like to use, but I just want to point out that managed and intentional fear, managed and intentional fear. So choosing to do small F’s and processing that managed and intentional fear, those small F’s, builds emotional fitness and resilience and self-trust and all these muscles there.

Polly Mertens: 36:58

They’re very interrelated. So, whatever your challenges, your fears are start small. They had been the same direction. Like I talked about, like going camping can make you a better business owner, right.

Samantha Pruitt: 37:10

We did it. We did it.

Polly Mertens: 37:12

We’re going to continue to do it.

Samantha Pruitt: 37:14

But the opposite of that irrational and unmanaged fear builds weakness. So nobody that we know, nobody listening to this, wants to continue to weaken themselves in the world, in their lives. They don’t want that. So let’s turn this thing around. We can. I mean, fear is natural. We all can face it, and some of us eat, cool and jump into the fire and also we have fun doing it. We laugh about it, we share stories. We’ve had epic failures.

Polly Mertens: 37:48

So what.

Samantha Pruitt: 37:50

Say that again. Be on the winning team or the learning team, be on the winning team or the learning team, so not hair or grass.

Polly Mertens: 37:58

Are you going to win? Like that 20 minutes session you had this morning, you could have been on the learning team and like, oh shoot, I lifted too much over this, or I could have partnered with someone and done something, whatever. Like you could have learned something out of that experience.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:11

Or you could have just been like that was just beyond my potential, but at least I gave it my best and that would have been the learning and it still would have been fun, because in that is growth.

Polly Mertens: 38:23

And we fear learning like fear.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:25

Yeah.

Polly Mertens: 38:25

Yeah, no, it’s just the mind, the two-manual brain.

Samantha Pruitt: 38:29

It’s the unknown it’s.

Polly Mertens: 38:31

you know, when we’re children, the mind is wide open, eager to sponge and learn, like how to walk, how to talk, how to you know all these things, how to put on our own clothes, tie our own shoes. We’re constantly like, yeah, show me that, show me that.

Polly Mertens: 38:45

And then our mind forms and then we become this. You know, no, I’m adverse to fear, and because I don’t know how to do that thing or I don’t know how it’s going to go, I’m not going to learn it Like. Imagine if you had said that when you didn’t know how to talk or walk like that, yeah, basically what you’re saying is it’s not how we’re meant to live.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:08

So let’s be clear people it’s not how we’re meant to live. What is the take home message for our audience today?

Polly Mertens: 39:15

So our one thing if you get one thing out of this entire episode is, we would say, start a new relationship with the emotion called fear.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:25

Right.

Polly Mertens: 39:25

Fear is a thing, it’s an emotion. You do it. So starting a new relationship with the emotion called fear. Instead of seeing it as a wall, begin to see it as a ladder, a way to get over what you perceive as a wall. So having a new relationship, visual one such as fear is just a ladder. I’m going to step into this.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:45

One rung at a time.

Polly Mertens: 39:46

The view is going to be amazing, amazing.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:50

All right, my friend, that was excellent. What do?

Polly Mertens: 39:52

we want to leave them with.

Samantha Pruitt: 39:54

I want to make sure these beautiful humans understand something very important. I’m going to be tattooing it on everybody, including myself how your life feels is more important than how it looks.

Polly Mertens: 40:08

Yes, and every day is your opportunity to find your awesome. Let’s go do it.